Please note that Vineeto’s correspondence below was written by the actually free Vineeto
(List D refers to Richard’s List D and his Respondent Numbers) Vineeto’s Correspondence with Felipe on Discuss Actualism Forum July 27 2024: FELIPE: Thanks for the input, Claudiu. I think you’ve already made this point to me in a past instance. Basically, it is that: Enjoyment = this feels good Appreciation = it feels good to feel good. It has a meta function. I do wonder though how to drive appreciation even deeper in a way that it doesn’t remain an intellectual effort and rather it’s a second layer of affect that reinforces and deepens the actualization of it all in the long run. All this in the context of that exponential nature that Vineeto wrote about, that’s an intriguing part that I may be missing. How exactly does the exponential nature come into play? I guess I need to experiment more with it to have an existential answer as well. Been trying to commit more to actualism lately, so this fits great. Any further input from you or Vineeto will be appreciated. VINEETO: Hi Felipe, Your deduction that “Appreciation = it feels good to feel good” is incorrect. “it feels good to feel good” is the act of taking notice of the hedonic tone of feeling good. Therefore appreciation is not “a meta function” of feeling good, appreciation is something *additional*, otherwise why even mention appreciation, let along emphasize it? Can you recognize how you miss the points on appreciation, which my post (Actualism, Actualvineeto, James, 24 July 2024) and Claudiu’s extensive explanation made, by wanting to just quickly think about it and put it aside? Actualism is a full-blooded approach – and it needs your whole-hearted attention and application to have some lasting effect and success. FELIPE: Update: tapped into that for a bit and I can certainly feel the snowball effect of feeling good → feeling good about feeling good → feeling even better, etc. I do wonder if this particular activity can help me break the habit of me trying to get distracted/entertainment when feeling good becomes normalized and triggers a “now what?” response. That usually leads me back to normal, so maybe feeling good about feeling good can calm and rechannel that dissatisfaction back to actualism mode? See what I mean – “tapped into that *for a bit*” – and you can already “feel the snowball effect” even in this short time and even though you haven’t applied any appreciation yet? And then you stopped enjoying and in the next – intellectually thought-out – sentence you started worrying about getting “distracted/ entertainment”. Why? Is this just a (bad) habit of yours you need to become aware of, or is there more behind this not wanting to keep feeling good for too long? Here again is a quote from my post, in case you have not read it with care – Vineeto: “Hence appreciation means assessing of the true worth or value of persons or things and thus adding value, enriching, encouraging (the expansion of your value assessment), highly regarding, cherishing, marvelling, with a link to Richard’s article (Richard, Marvelling How Well-Equipped Human Beings Are) how you can appreciate and what there is in this infinite universe to marvel at and delight in. Especially take note of the 3rd paragraph in the above linked article. And here is more to read with care and leisure to contemplate its significance – Vineeto: “With the ongoing increase in appreciation and the consequent appreciative enjoyment it will be easy to follow Richard’s instructions further – [Richard]: “one up-levels ‘feeling good’, as a bottom line each moment again, to ‘feeling happy and harmless’ … and after that to ‘feeling excellent’ […] to the point of excellence being the norm”.” (Richard, Articles, This Moment of Being Alive). Once you figure out experientially how appreciation exponentially increases and expands on your enjoyment, you can *up-level* your bottom line or your hedonic fall-back position which Claudiu and Richard (Richard, Marvelling How Well-Equipped Human Beings Are) and myself have talked about. (Non-intellectualized, i.e. comprehensive) contemplation, especially apperceptive contemplation, is certainly part of appreciation and can increase it immensely. When ‘Richard’, the identity decided to dedicate ‘his’ life to live ‘his’ PCE 24hrs a day, ‘he’ started on ‘his’ journey by imitating the actual world as experienced in the PCE, guided by the golden clew of pure intent. And when ‘he’ succeeded, Richard confirmed to all of us that living in the actual world is indeed an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation of being alive – “The means to the end – an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation – are no different to the end” (as it says in the 4th scrolling banner) (Richard, Articles, This Moment of Being Alive). Does this tell you something? The actualism method is imitating the actual world – hence it cannot *merely* be an affective-only enjoyment and its meta function. It has to be something which increases your experience of being alive exponentially, to more and more imitate the actual world and the experience of a PCE and to lead you to becoming actually free. Hence any (intellectually) watering down (i.e. depreciating) the act of enjoying and appreciating is going in the wrong direction, a red flag should appear right away, and it indicates a missing ingredient of pure intent. The direction to proceed is to do whatever you can to *increase* enjoyment of being alive, and you do that by “adding value”, “cherishing”, marvelling and living in wide-eyed wonder regarding your enjoyment of being alive, i.e. by appreciating and deeply contemplating the wondrousness and mirificence of the world around, including one’s fellow human beings. In a similar way you are attempting to depreciate, i.e. reduce, the marvellous function of awareness, which encompasses all aspects of being alive and conscious (“The mere awareness or even contemplation could be interpreted to be done merely intellectually”) – another red flag expression. Why are you so carelessly reductive? * PS: Claudiu: You have described it very well. I would say that at some point in the actualism process enjoyment and appreciation are experientially so closely linked together as to be inseparable. And isn’t that wonderful! Cheers Vineeto July 27 2024 FELIPE: Hello, Vineeto, it’s so nice to read you here. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Almog, 26 July 2024) VINEETO: Thank you for your kind welcome. Sorry that I missed the first post when I answered the rest just now. FELIPE: I don’t remember having read such emphasis on appreciation in particular (in the sense that it can be THE element to cause an exponential boost, as you say). It’s one of those words that I’ve misunderstood a lot. At first I took it as the sensorial part (enjoyment = more affective, appreciation = more sensorial). VINEETO: Naturally feeling being ‘Vineeto’ was aware of the importance of appreciation during ‘her’ years of actualism. I remember once Pamela asking – “Now I feel good, what now”? Richard smiled and said, “appreciate it”. But ‘Vineeto’ never wrote much about is – it was just part and parcel of ‘enjoying and appreciating’. Here is an early example from 2000 – ‘VINEETO’: Appreciating the weather, the blue sky and the grey sky, was a useful exercise for me to start noticing the actual world. Usually, when waking up in the morning, I had automatically started to think about my feelings or duties of the day – now I am beginning my day by looking out the window and appreciating the weather, the sky, the clouds, the sun, the rain, the birds, the trees – whatever I can see and hear when looking out the window. It helped me to break the habitual preoccupation with moods, complaints, feelings and self-centred thoughts. At first it was almost an effort to shift the attention away from my self until the synapse in the brain were set to the new course – now it is a delight to watch the ever-changing sky, listen to the sound of the birds blending in with the street noise. There is so much exquisite perfection that has always been here and I have missed it because of myopic ‘self’-centredness! Yes, it is great to be alive. (Actualism, Vineeto, Gary-a, 6 August 2000) In fact, I had only in the recent two years become increasingly aware how *very important* appreciation is to the actualism method and actualism process, especially when we had visitors who wanted to know about the actualism method. I could see it in action when they occasionally appreciated the fact of feeling good, of being alive – how this increased exponentially their very enjoyment. Then I of course emphasized it further. In the last weeks before his death Richard was increasingly expressing appreciation, to me, to the marvels of the actual world, large and minute, and to private correspondents. Then he wrote the article about marvelling (Richard, Marvelling How Well-Equipped Human Beings Are), which really drove the point home. During Richard’s sickness and especially after his death the significance of appreciation became overwhelming – it was everywhere, often accompanied with a sweetness and tenderness in connection with writing about Richard’s memory, appreciating people, appreciating the universe – pure intent was overwhelmingly pouring in. As Kuba recently said – Kuba: “The focus on appreciation started when Vineeto urged us to turn any sadness surrounding Richard’s death into appreciation for his life and his words. Then further to allow this appreciation to ‘spill over’ into appreciating this wonderful universe which exists all around, including the natural world and one’s fellow human beings.” Hence I started writing about the significance of appreciation more and more and the responses from members here confirmed how important the comprehensive understanding of appreciation really is. FELIPE: The word has also been somewhat charged with hints of positive/love feelings (such as love and gratitude), at least in Spanish. VINEETO: I don’t know who “somewhat charged” it, I certainly never did and neither did Richard. Appreciation is very, very different to love and gratitude. FELIPE: All this context to ask: can you tell us some specific examples that you remember from your own past experience in which appreciation was an important factor to get you unstuck or ramped up your actualist experience in given moments, or even created breakthroughs in your journey? I think such anecdotes can help appreciation fully click for some of us. Thanks so much in advance. VINEETO: I don’t remember any specific anecdotes, I think ‘Vineeto’ often equated deep appreciation with pure intent and that certainly facilitated breakthroughs and progress in her process. Cheers Vineeto PS: In my last post to you I said – “it indicates a missing ingredient of pure intent”. Just to clarify, it means in this context of your writing pure intent is missing, it is not *activated*. July 28 2024 FELIPE: Thanks, Vineeto, this is very useful. And yes, my replies were rushed and reductionistic, as I got sucked in a very specific aspect of what Claudiu wrote there and hyper focused there. VINEETO: You are very welcome Felipe. Was it about contemplation and its relation to appreciation? * VINEETO: And then you stopped enjoying and in the next – intellectually thought-out – sentence you started worrying about getting “distracted/ entertainment”. Why? FELIPE: Part of the rush. Happens to me often when I’m excited and caffeinated: jump from idea to idea fast, lol. It can also be indicative of my distracted nature (part of why I haven’t been able to fully focus on actualist endeavors all along and rather chase all kinds of cheap dopaminergic rewards). VINEETO: That’s understandable – so you will dig a bit deeper into this habit so to be able to focus better on what you really want to do? FELIPE: I will shut up now as this thinking out loud of mine in these last posts isn’t too beneficial for the conversation. VINEETO: Ah, but that would mean running off again so as to remain as you are – and you didn’t really describe these qualities (rushed, reductionistic, distracted nature, chasing cheap dopaminergic rewards) as something you want to proudly maintain, or do you? Why not give actualism another go, with new input and insights, and get to an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation each moment again? People here are really happy to help and assist. FELIPE: To clarify I’ve experienced the range of experiences you are describing before, I think just I’m still not tuned into it all yet as I’ve been distant from actualism, or at least I practice it on and off, for a while. VINEETO: Yes, I understand that – I can recommend the thread “Richard has passed away” as an introduction for why appreciation now gets such a prominent place in the actualism practice. To clarify further what you had said yesterday – FELIPE: At first I took it as the sensorial part (enjoyment = more affective, appreciation = more sensorial). The word has also been somewhat charged with hints of positive/love feelings (such as love and gratitude), at least in Spanish. VINEETO: A good example that translating actualism writing into other languages is fraught with misunderstandings. Feeling good and appreciation are felicitous feelings, those who allow you to disentangle yourself from the identity-enhancing ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings more and more. Whereas love and gratitude are ‘good’ feelings/ to counteract ‘bad’ feelings. Once you marvel at/appreciate how you feel, what you see and experience, there can be no mixing up of the two. As Kuba said only recently – KUBA: The other interesting thing is that the difference between appreciation and gratitude is clear as day FELIPE: Thanks for the responses again. VINEETO: You are very welcome, Felipe, stick around it might be worth your while. Here is an inspiring insight from Felix – in fact the whole post might ring a bell with you – FELIX: Feeling good becomes a value in itself from this vantage point, and is felt to be something incredibly valuable to have and to share. It creates a whole new way of looking at the world and being in the world – all because oneself has changed as the lens through which everything is experienced and perceived. I have been the block all along. Which we always knew but it’s weird to see how true it is… Cheers Vineeto March 15 2025 FELIPE: Now that I think about it more, there’s a reason why it was hard for most here to grasp what actualism was all about, even after decades of the method being public. The method was about feeling all along, and we didn’t quite realize it (to this day even, at least fully, in my case). VINEETO: Hi Felipe, Are you really suggesting that not only you but also most people (as in not just I but we all) were unable “to grasp what actualism was all about” because they did not understand that “the method was about feeling all along”? Here is one quote from the go-to page for the actualism method, in the first paragraph under the second banner (I have highlighted the words ‘feeling’ and ‘affective’for your convenience – Richard: This perpetual enjoyment and appreciation is facilitated by feeling as happy and as harmless as is humanly possible. And this (affective) felicity/ innocuity is potently enabled via minimisation of both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ feelings. An affective awareness is the key to maximising felicity and innocuity over all those alternate feelings inasmuch the slightest diminishment of enjoyment and appreciation automatically activates attentiveness. [Emphases added]. (Richard, Articles, This Moment of Being Alive) The inserted tooltip in this paragraph makes it even more clear – Respondent: Could you list some examples of what you’d classify as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings and what you’d classify as felicitous/ innocuous feelings so I could keep an eye out for them. Richard: As a broad generalisation: the ‘good’ feelings are those that are of a loving (ardent feelings of profound affection and endearment) and a compassionate (empathetic feelings of deep sympathy and commiseration) nature; the ‘bad’ feelings are those that are of a malicious (spiteful feelings of intense hatred and resentment) and a sorrowful (melancholy feelings of yawning sadness and grief) nature; the felicitous feelings are those that are of a happy and carefree (blithesome feelings of great delight and enjoyment) nature; the innocuous feelings are those that are of a harmless and congenial (gracious feelings of ingenuous tranquillity and affability) nature. The following may be of particular interest: • Richard: ‘The felicitous/ innocuous feelings are in no way docile, lack-lustre affections ... in conjunction with sensuosity they make for an extremely forceful/ potent combination as, with all of the affective energy channelled into being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible (and no longer being frittered away on love and compassion/ malice and sorrow), the full effect of ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being – which is ‘being’ itself – is dynamically enabled for one purpose and one purpose alone. (...) The actualism method is not about undermining the passions ... on the contrary, it is about directing all of that affective energy into being the felicitous/ innocuous feelings (that is, ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being, which is ‘being’ itself) in order to effect a deliberate imitation of the actual, as evidenced in a PCE [a pure consciousness experience], so as to feel as happy and as harmless (as free of malice and sorrow) as is humanly possibly whilst remaining a ‘self’. Such imitative felicity/ innocuity, in conjunction with sensuosity, readily evokes amazement, marvel, and delight – a state of wide-eyed wonder best expressed by the word naiveté (the nearest a ‘self’ can come to innocence whilst being a ‘self’) – and which allows the overarching benignity and benevolence inherent to the infinitude, which this infinite and eternal and perpetual universe actually is, to operate more and more freely. This intrinsic benignity and benevolence, which has nothing to do with the imitative affective happiness and harmlessness, will do the rest. All that was required was ‘my’ cheerful, and thus willing, concurrence’. [Emphases added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60f, 29 September 2005). (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Rick-a, 22 June 2006). Just out of curiosity, what did you think, for all those years, the actualism method “was about”? FELIPE: Similarly, when you talk about actualism to other people, look how they automatically categorize it as a philosophy or a religion/ spiritual pursuit. There seems to be a lack of a word to hit the nail on the head (perhaps a challenge/ opportunity to “market” it better? haha). VINEETO: Perhaps it would make more sense, when you introduce your particular … um … philosophy of actualism to others, to rather share your own experiential discoveries instead of a method you obviously have not yet understood even in principle. Possibly, your own difficulty in explaining actualism to others is because you are lacking experiential expertise/ confirmation (and not because of the lack of a word to describe the actualism method and aim). Besides, what good is ‘marketing’ when it’s misleading? You could also watch out for a tendency to blame something else (i.e. the method and missing words) instead of finding the causes for the lack of expected results in your own misunderstanding – Richard: What I have observed over many years is that a normal person has a propensity to blame – to find fault rather than to find causes – when it comes to dealing with the human condition ... if for no other reason than that finding the cause means the end of ‘me’ (or the beginning of the end of ‘me’). Whereas endlessly repeating mea culpa keeps ‘me’ in existence. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27c, 9 September 2002). I wish you speedy success now, in feeling happy and harmless, as you seem to begin to grasp “what actualism was all about”. A re-read of the instructions and associated web pages might be useful. (Library, Topics, Method). Some answers to the frequent questions and common objections could also be informative. Cheers Vineeto June 8 2025 HENRY: Had an interesting insight into myself watching an age of empires final. One of the players (Hera) I’ve been watching a lot lately to the point of becoming a fan of his and rooting for his success. However, I’ve been watching a lot of different games, and today in the final he was playing Mr. Yo, who I have also enjoyed and cheered his success. There was a moment in their first game where Mr. Yo was doing really well, and Hera was suffering, and I found myself suffering right along with him. However, I had a glimmer of remembrance, and questioned why I was suffering: I don’t have a strong stake in Hera winning over Mr. Yo, I want them both to do well actually… it quite shattered the way I normally experience these competitions, where I have one side I exclusively cheer for, I feel good when they win, I suffer when they lose. A new way came into view, as I began to experience purity all around… the now familiar softness of pure intent, and I appreciated the gameplay in its completeness, together with my coffee at my side, my breakfast on my table, the ambience of light in my house, my cat ranging around, the effort the organizers the tournament were putting in, the dedication and talent of the players, and many more things besides… such a contrast to the narrow winning & losing mindset of the ‘fan…’ very pleased to have had this experience, it gives me a clear vision for how to approach these situations in future. And such a central pillar of my identity as a ‘competitor,’ long eroding and now looking like an apparition! FELIPE: No way, lol. I never thought I’d find a fellow competitive AOE2 enthusiast around here. I’ve been following the scene for more than 6 years, and played thousands of hours for 25 years (but I still suck, haha). The challenge with pro tournaments now is not getting too bored with Hera winning all the time. Liereyy was close to challenge him in the S tier tourney before this one tho! Maybe we can play later if you play. VINEETO: Hi Felipe, In your excitement to find a play-mate you appeared to have missed the main point – Henry: it quite shattered the way I normally experience these competitions, where I have one side I exclusively cheer for, I feel good when they win, I suffer when they lose. A new way came into view, as I began to experience purity all around… the now familiar softness of pure intent, and I appreciated the gameplay in its completeness, together with my coffee at my side, my breakfast on my table, the ambience of light in my house, my cat ranging around, the effort the organizers the tournament were putting in, the dedication and talent of the players, and many more things besides … [Emphasis added]. There is also Henry’s later addition to his competitor-shattering worldview – Henry: Adding to this, I can see that the emotion is an element of ally-enemy dynamics: because ‘I’ have set it up that Hera winning = feeling good and Hera losing = feeling bad, for Mr. Yo to win would mean feeling bad, which inherently makes him my enemy, ‘I’ have to wish for his defeat to ‘get to’ feel good. Not seeing Mr. Yo as my enemy broke the entire thing and reminded me that feeling good is actually in my own hands… the feeling good became unconditional… at that point enjoying & appreciation is peace & peacefulness… I am no longer ‘against’ anyone, which is harmonious as well. [Emphasis added]. Has something happened to cause your interest in actualism to wane since you told Richard in January 2013 that – Felipe: Hello, Richard, I’ve been practicing the actualism method since July 2011 (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 38, 16 January 2013)? Or has Henry’s report of success in unconditionally feeling good and “peace and peacefulness” perhaps rekindled your attraction to achieve a similar experience in your own life? Cheers Vineeto June 10 2025 VINEETO: There is also Henry’s later addition to his competitor-shattering worldview – FELIPE: That being said, one naturally takes sides in the hopes for the game to be more competitive and hence thrilling. This is where the strong emotional part comes in, as in taking sides, rooting for the underdog, hoping for an even and spectacular game, are all ways to crave conflict and drama as conditional entertainment and cope. (…) VINEETO: Hi Felipe, This is exactly the point – it feels natural to take sides. Wanting to become free from the human condition is not natural, hence sincere intent and ongoing affective attentiveness is required if one wants to make progress in freeing oneself from the various aspects of the human condition. FELIPE: Though a reason for anyone to watch any sport or movie, I guess even being actually free, is for it to be more engaging in some way (a conflict or a dramatic structure), I guess the difference being that a feeling being craves way more for these emotional condiments and spices in life, and for an actually free person is just a matter of preference. I think Peter, for instance, liked (likes?) watching cricket. So, assuming he still likes watching it, I bet that if the same team won every time 20-0, he’d lose interest and would prefer spending his time differently. So there’s some to that competitive aspect that makes the hobby worthwhile besides the conventional emotional thrill. VINEETO: When ‘Peter’ watched cricket, ‘he’ had no longer an investment which side would win because ‘he’ was well aware that this was an aspect of being part, being loyal to a tribal allegiance. This very allegiance gives rise to taking sides, being emotional about the outcome of any game and ultimately of conflict. In the later years of our association ‘Peter’ had given up watching sport altogether. Personally, ‘Vineeto’ was never interested in watching any competitive games, ‘she’ only watched the opening of the Sydney Olympics for the spectacle of it. Here is what ‘she’ experienced – ‘Vineeto’: Yesterday I watched the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games and found it an excellent example of the psychic web in action. A band of 2000 musicians from all over the world was playing, all nationalities wearing an identical blue-red-beige uniform, everyone marching in exact formations while playing the various national hymns from all over the world. The audience’s spirit was soaring high, cheers and tears, overwhelmed by the feeling of ‘we are all one’, ‘we are the world’, feeling unity, glory, bliss and love. It is amazing how simple methods – heart-stirring music, uniforms and people marching in formations – can cast an effective spell on the collective human psyche. However, the feeling of ‘unity’ immediately dispersed as soon as the athletes of all the countries started marching into the stadium wearing their national costumes, under individual flags. Then the psychic scene changed, the feeling was now of individual national pride. Each nation was now separate from the other and soon each athlete will be competing against the others for the glory of their particular country and for their own personal fame. The feeling of Unity is but a short-lived feeling ... the psychic vibe changes readily when the music changes. (Actualism, Vineeto, List D, James, 17.9.2000) When you say that “there’s some to that competitive aspect that makes the hobby worthwhile” – this very competition, which you engage in by taking sides, is the very core of your “emotional thrill”. The question is, do you want to keep doing and feeling what one feels “naturally”, or do you have the sincere intent to abandon what feels natural, bit by bit, in a pursuit of becoming more happy and harmless. * VINEETO: (…) Or has Henry’s report of success in unconditionally feeling good and “peace and peacefulness” perhaps rekindled your attraction to achieve a similar experience in your own life? FELIPE: It’s been a rocky road for me. Not a linear progression, but actualism never entirely wanes. It’s always in the background even when I take detours. Last one was that I started psycho-somatizing weirdly when I tried to feel good (I’m guessing because I was misapplying it, making it sudorific or repressing in my last iteration), but I’m returning once again and that’s why I was reading the old messages I missed. VINEETO: Whenever you notice that you start “psycho-somatizing weirdly” it is a sure sign that some dissociation from an unwanted, uncomfortable feelings is taking place. Dare to pinpoint this feeling and allow it to be there, to feel it – and you will experience how it diminishes the moment you allow it to be there (it’s already there, just stop pushing it away by trying to forcefully feel good). You will see how the psychosomatic symptom will also eventually diminish (depending for how long you had habitually pushed the particular feeling away). Then you can allow to be the feeling instead of having (and wanting to control) the feeling. Being the feeling you can see how silly it is to feel bad when instead you can enjoy and appreciate being here. Only then you can choose to be a different feeling, for instance being appreciative. FELIPE: As I told you before, some months ago I got to a state that set a rich benchmark that showed me what’s possible, when I had what it seemed like a mini virtual freedom that made me make sense of actualist aspects like never before. I want to reach that again. VINEETO: You can look up what you did then in your private journal, what it was that brought on the success. Otherwise you can employ the actualism method more methodically (see also what I wrote to Felix recently Actualism, Vineeto, List D, Felipe, 6 June 2025)). There is also a video where Richard describes the actualism method. (Sundry, Videos, Actualism Method Excerpt). Cheers Vineeto September 20 2025 • [Richard]: “(...) back when I was a normal man I came close to the loss of self already mentioned on several occasions (in my first marriage) only to instinctively pull-back, out of instantaneous fear at such imminence, as it intuitively seemed she would thus take over my mind and make me her slave for ever and a day. It was not until after the four-hour PCE, which initiated the process resulting in an actual freedom, that it became obvious to me what such loss of self actually meant. Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (something which I had discovered whilst pubescent). And then ... !Hey Presto! ... no separation whatsoever. (Incidentally, rather than that intuitive fear of thus being her slave coming true it was quite instructive to have her then relate how she had been fantasising about a current heart-throb pop singer all the while I was giving myself to her totally)”. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009). FELIPE: Hi Vineeto, Can you detail or expand on what is exactly meant by “giving oneself completely to other”? I’ve never been entirely sure I’m 100% clear on the specifics. How did that look for you in practice? Or any other input from Richard that you can give? Thanks in advance! Hi Felipe, Perhaps you missed my second-last message to Kuba two days ago, where I gave him supportive links to a similar question he had – how to give himself completely to another – Vineeto to Kuba: You might find the selected correspondence on sensuousness, on sex and on intimacy informative. Here is an excerpt from the selected correspondence on sensuousness – RESPONDENT (No. 6): You do not prescribe to fellow humans, but do you recommend the above sensible approach rather than ‘experimenting’ with fellow human beings to explore sexuality or actual intimacy? RICHARD to (No. 6): Oh, no ... not at all (that above approach is only in regards to an actual freedom from the human condition). No, on the contrary, exploring sex and sexuality is enormously beneficial: there is no better way, in my experience, for a man and a woman to approach such intimacy than sexual congress. For instance, back when I was a normal man I came close to the loss of self already mentioned on several occasions (in my first marriage) only to instinctively pull-back, out of instantaneous fear at such imminence, as it intuitively seemed she would thus take over my mind and make me her slave for ever and a day. It was not until after the four-hour PCE, which initiated the process resulting in an actual freedom, that it became obvious to me what such loss of self actually meant. Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (some thing which I had discovered whilst pubescent). And then ... !Hey Presto! ... no separation whatsoever. (Incidentally, rather than that intuitive fear of thus being her slave coming true it was quite instructive to have her then relate how she had been fantasising about a current heart-throb pop singer all the while I was giving myself to her totally). RESPONDENT (No. 6): I am aware that PCE and EE are much more possible during sexual intimacy and congress hence the urge to experiment. RICHARD to (No. 6): Yes, indeed so. Both my third wife (de facto) and my second wife (de jure) were very keen to experiment. For instance, my third wife initially set out to explore her ‘wild side’ (to use the jargon) as she was most appreciative of being with a man with no limits – no limiting fear – in regards the vast extent, and a near-insatiability at times, of female sexuality. Curiously enough, in the end it was her very own fear (of female sexuality) which set the limits. But, until then rampant sexuality took place morning, noon and night – all throughout the period of writing those millions of words to my fellow human beings – and much was uncovered/ discovered about female sexuality. She has a scale of quality in regards sexual experience: good, very good, great, excellent and magical. Good sex relates to togetherness. Very good sex relates to closeness. Great sex relates to sweetness. Excellent sex relates to richness. Magical sex relates to actuality. To explain: togetherness is the companionship of doing things together – be it shopping, cooking, having sex, whatever – and pertains to the willingness to be and act in concert with another. A closeness is where the personal boundaries are expanded to include the other into one’s own space; this is a normal type of intimacy. A sweetness is when closeness entrées a lovely delight at the proximity of the other (although it can veer off into affection, ardency, love, oneness). A richness (aka an excellence experience) is where sweetness segues into a near-absence of agency via letting-go of control and one is the sex and sexuality (the beer and not the doer). Magical sex is where sex and sexuality are happening of their own accord – neither beer nor doer extant – and pristine purity abounds (an immaculate perfection). Ain’t life grand! (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009) RESPONDENT: Hello Richard, Fascinating post, Can you please elaborate on: ‘(...) accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly (...)’ ? Me and my partner are currently experimenting with freeing our encumbered sexuality with little success so far and your comments might help in pointing us in the right direction. RICHARD: G’day No. 20, First of all, I never did respond to your very first post back in May this year (I was inundated with responses/ reactions I was ill-prepared for and many slipped under my radar). Viz.: • [Respondent]: Hello everybody, I’m a new to this mailing list. I’ve been on the wide and wondrous path for a little more than a year now with a certain amount of success that was apparently enough to keep me on the path. I’m a 27 year old male, living with a female partner who is also practicing actualism. It’s nice to meet you all and I’m looking forward to many fruitful discussions into how to bring about this so-desired-yet-so-elusive peace as soon as humanly possible. P.S. Richard’s comeback to an active mailing list had a definite influence on the decision to finally take an active part instead of passively reading it occasionally. Welcome back Richard. (Message 5656, 17.5.2009). Apart from a belated thank you for your ‘welcome back’ message there is not much else to say so I will attend to your current request for elaboration on going about deliberately setting out to induce a PCE via giving oneself completely to one’s partner – totally and utterly – during sexual congress. As you have inadvertently snipped off a vital component I will re-quote the relevant section here in full for convenience: • [Richard]: ‘Accordingly, I deliberately set out to induce a PCE via giving myself completely to her – totally and utterly – whilst hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm (something which I had discovered whilst pubescent)’. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 10 November 2009) It was only a few years ago that I found out that what I had discovered for myself, during an intensive masturbatory period from pubescence (12 years old) to my first wedding night (19 years old), had both names and descriptions ... to wit (unromantic) titles such as ‘edging’, ‘coitus reservatus’, ‘orgasmic brinkmanship’, ‘peaking’, ‘surfing’ (and even ‘male continence’ and ‘coitus sine ejaculatione seminis’). Here are a couple of examples: http://sexuality.about.com/od/tipstechniques/ht/edging.htm; http://tinyurl.com/sexual-edging. (Incidentally, once I had regular access to the real thing – a willing hetero-sexual partner as randy as myself – that mono-sexual practice discovered while pubescent, being devoid as it is of intimacy with a fellow human being, rapidly faded away into a vague memory where it languished unrecalled, for around 14 years, until being resurrected for the purpose of giving myself completely, totally and utterly to my first wife). Now, to explain hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm it may be of assistance to present it graphically: as an orgasm requires building up to a peak of sexual excitation, before tipping over the other side for a glorious slide down the slope on that other side of the mountain, it can be represented by an upside down ‘V’. As the aim is to prolong that exquisite moment prior to tipping over the other side it requires a slight pulling-back downwards, of sexual excitation when an orgasm is imminent; within seconds, once the sexual excitation stabilises, it can be intensified once more; again, upon an orgasm being imminent, another slight pulling-back downwards, of sexual excitation is required; and once that sexual excitation stabilises, it too can be intensified once more ... and so on and so on and so on. What will happen, upon much delicious practice – ain’t life grand! – is that the slight pulling-back downwards, of sexual excitation when the orgasm is once again imminent, becomes both easier and easier and less and less downwards; eventually there can be an easing back-and-forth, at the moment just prior to the orgasm’s imminence, along an ever-increasingly lengthening plateau at the peak; this can be represented by that upside down ‘V’ having a flat-line where there was once only an apex. Again with much delicious practice – my word life is indeed grand! – that flat-line peak can be lengthened indefinitely as the need to pull-back downwards decreases with experience; eventually there is the aforementioned hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau which precedes an orgasm with but the slightest increase/ decrease in sexual excitation; at this stage the upside down ‘V’ with the flat-line plateau – where there was once only an apex – can be representative by that flat-line plateau disappearing off either side of this page (with no sloping sides at either end to represent the slope both up to and down from that indefinitely prolonged peaking plateau). Please note that this disappearance of the slopes is vital as the aim is for there to be only that plateau and neither climbing up nor sliding down ever happens; there is only the hovering indefinitely on that orgastic plateau when all else drops away. Once this is established the sex takes care of itself and full attention can be paid to intimacy; with much delicious practice – oh how grand life is! – the attainment of that endlessly orgastic plateau can be obtained within 60-90 seconds after penile penetration (provided there be sufficient sexual stimulation just prior such as the oh-so-delicious soixante-neuf – which perfect arrangement of face-to-genital distancing almost makes one think those credulous persons believing in an ‘Intelligent Designer’ may have a point after all – as there cannot possibly be a more delightful way to prepare for hours of orgastic hovering whilst intimacy unfolds in all its luscious wonder). Now, the way to have intimacy unfold, in all its luscious wonder, is to be aware all the while (with that unique human ability to be conscious of being sentient) that your sexual partner likes being with you so much that they are willing to spend their most valuable asset – their time – not only being with you but having you inside them/ having them inside you (dependent upon gender) for this most physically intimate way of associating possible. In other words one is always aware, with that second-level awareness, all the while primary consciousness is sexually engrossed, just how precious this opportunity is as – out of all 3.0 billion women/ out of all 3.0 billion men (dependent upon gender) – this fellow human being has chosen you, and only you, to be so intimately entwined with. In short: having sex/ being intimate with her/ with him (dependent upon gender) is very special – so special as to be precious – and this very preciosity readily enables giving oneself completely to one’s partner – totally and utterly – during sexual congress. All this while the hands, fingers, lips, tongue and eyes can roam all about with much delicious kissing, nibbling, nuzzling, fondling, smelling, listening, tasting, touching, looking and all the rest which such a physical embrace, such physical proximity so exquisitely provides for; the neck below the ear-lobe, for instance, is an especial delight and to eventually indulge in never-ending open-mouthed kissing – at the heights of sexual arousal – is to be breathing each other’s breath in a most personal way of gradually depriving the brain of oxygen as to even further increase both arousal and intimate contact (togetherness, closeness, sweetness, richness, actuality). (Meanwhile, back at the sex taking care of itself, that hovering indefinitely on the orgastic plateau has catapulted one into what I chose to call a sexual world: another dimension, as it were, where sex and sexuality is virtually dripping off the walls; a sexual dimension where all you are is an enormous penis/ an enormous vagina (dependent upon gender) which has grown legs and feet to walk to food and drink sources to sustain itself/ yourself, and arms and hands to assist in that process, so as to have yet more and more of what it/ you is/ are here for at this particular moment (endless effortless sexual congress); a rampant sexual dimension where all other people and things have receded into the background; a dripping-with- sex-and-sexuality dimension where there is only this beginningless and endless moment where you both cannot ever possibly have enough of each other; a consummately durationless moment where all there is is you and her/ you and him (dependent upon gender) hovering on that endlessly orgastic plateau of supreme sexuality and intimacy). And then ... !Hey Presto! ... no separation whatsoever. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, No. 20, 9 December 2009). The follow-up correspondence explains it further. Cheers Vineeto
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