Please note that Vineeto’s correspondence below was written by the actually free Vineeto
(List D refers to Richard’s List D and his Respondent Numbers) Vineeto’s Correspondence with Claudiu Discuss Actualism Forum June 6, 2024 Dear Claudiu, Richard died 17.55 pm (officially, i.e. medically examined 18.10 pm), today, 6. June 2024 in Lismore Base Hospital, Intensive Care Unit. Official cause of death septicaemia from double pneumonia but additionally he also had an inflamed heart resulting in very low blood pressure, bleeding of the gastric/intestinal system and extreme weight-loss due to all those other conditions. Too many things to fight at once, even with modern medicine. It was actually amazing how long he held out with all of this going on, partly unbeknownst to him or me until he got to hospital. He will be greatly missed, here and around the world. Regards Vineeto June 7, 2024 Dear Claudiu, It seems as if since then, floodgates of immense appreciation both in Richard and me have opened up, such deep and moving appreciation for the perfection all around, for instance every tiny detail in nature, so perfect, so precise as well as the vastness of perfection when you contemplate the universe beyond our own planet. He expressed his appreciation for me and what I did to help him in similar ways and called me, in normal human beings' terms "the love of his life". We were still looking for an appropriate actual freedom term for this – perhaps "the most exquisite inti-mate of his life" ? Additionally, the wonderfulness of kindness in people, so many people I come into contact now, moves me to tears – human nature has such great potential to be naïve and kind and nearly-innocent. And Richard thanked each and everyone who helped him once the hospital began, from the professional female paramedics to the three fire-fighters who organized carrying him off the boat into the ambulance, then to each doctor and nurse in Ballina hospital and each staff member and doctor in Lismore ICU. […] *Be* Richard, be the experience of the purity of the universe – experience it in the Four Affect-Free States of Matter and in human beings (as a potential, apparent in their kindness, triggered by your own deep and ongoing appreciation). * Dear forum members, This is an eventuous moment – and I deeply appreciate all your responses. Take the shock and the reminder of mortality and move this affective energy towards even more determination to become actually free *now* so that Richard's discovery and evolutionary breakthrough in human consciousness can spread around the globe with each and every one of you being the catalyst for that. Allow any affective energy of shock or sadness to transform and express itself as a deep and abiding appreciation – for Richard's discovery and words, for the fact that an actual freedom is available now – and further a deep and abiding appreciation for the purity and perfection that exists everywhere around you, both in the natural world (the Four Affect-Free States of Matter) and in human beings including your own flesh-and-blood body (as a potential, apparent in your and other people's kindness, brought to the fore by your own deep and ongoing appreciation of each person you come in contact with). Now is the time, don't waste the opportunity, there is immense potential in this moment, the energy of appreciation freely available in the pure web of human consciousness (called 'action potential') to be tapped into if you only allow it. It may be overwhelming at first but it can melt down any barriers you might still have and … set you free. It is very strange and quite overwhelming at times - I realized that I am now Richard as well as me because we were so intimate as only two fully actually free people can be, hence I am writing words I would have never written before. Regards and appreciation. Vineeto […] When I contemplate right now pure intent to determine the quality of my experience of it, it is a very powerful all-permeating, oft-times overwhelming (until I get used to it I guess) purity of everything I see and everything that is, accompanied by a deep appreciation of it being so. […] I could see [...] how [Richard] quickly became only half-conscious and stayed like that to the point when he stopped breathing at 6 pm. Then I was more overwhelmed by the perception of kindness and care of each person in the ICU, how they deeply cared about each person in their unit, their kindness and concern towards me as well [...] On the 30 min taxi-drive home, again with a very sympathetic and kind driver, Indian by birth, I slowly could identify that when overwhelmed-ness set in it was in response to his kindness [...] Thinking it through a bit more, with a cigarette and coffee out in the sun, I remember that Richard had several occurrences, before I became fully free, when he was so overwhelmed by the immensity of this infinite and eternal universe, not as a thought but the actual puissance – the puissance, power, energy – so that he became immobile for a couple of hours (I did witness it once). (Richard, List D, Rick, 11 February 2012, 5th paragraph). It never happened again once I became fully free – the powerful energy was then balanced and shared. Now I am thinking that when he died it is no longer shared physically, I am the only one experiencing it and this experience is overwhelming. [...] The other thing I remembered that during the time shortly before and I think also shortly after becoming fully actual free I experienced for a few weeks a jerking of too much energy when lying by his side [...] After those few weeks I became used to the 'voltage' and the jerking no longer happened. I am convinced that becoming fully free involves an up-levelling of received electrical energy (the physical body is running on bio-electrical energy, after all, from heart beat to brain activity, sometimes called 'action potential'.) What I mainly noticed is the immense increase, and permanency, in appreciation of everything, and Richard, before his death, expressed this immense appreciation several times, to you, then to me as described above, then commenting on the perfection of it all from the tiniest detail to the vastness of the universe. Note that his last article is about "Marvelling At How Well-Equipped Human Beings Are", i.e. about appreciation. […] I don't know what will happen. It looks like I will stay here on the houseboat, organize a few more improvements that Richard had planned and let life live me. I am curious myself how this increased puissance is going to work out in detail. With great appreciation, Vineeto June 15 2024: CLAUDIU: Today was an odd day – the level of appreciation and purity I experienced has been less than other days and my experience has been at times more like how ‘I’ would normally be. However this came with the sincerity of seeing that ‘I’ really do have to actually give ‘myself’ up for this to happen. Ceasing to be me is exactly what self-immolation is. As I write this now I can say I have no doubts that this is sincerely what I want to do. VINEETO: I can understand that the level of appreciation and purity waxes and wanes, as if ‘you’ want to return to the default position of feeling neutral as described in Richard’s copied article from Sonja Lyubomirsky. I do appreciate your sincerity, it makes it so much easier. The only way to counteract this falling back will be if you make the deliberate decision, when feeling excellent and experiencing pure intent comes along, to commit to living out-from-under-control from then onwards. When ‘Vineeto’ got out-from-under-control after many ‘ums and ahs’ it was delicious but a few days later ‘she’ fell out of it and accepted this as a matter of course. But Richard didn’t. When ‘she’ told him about it, he said jokingly something to the effect of “stand in the corner until you are back into out-from-under-control”! So post-haste ‘Vineeto’ invited Peter into the bedroom and after some delicious intimacy soon was back where ‘she’ had been, and then was more watchful and determined to in fact stay out-from-under-control. It worked. It does need your active and decisive input – until an actual freedom happens, then you can’t fall back. CLAUDIU: Soon after, Vineeto published the Excerpts of All-pervading Sweetness, and as I read them on June 14th I experienced again the ambrosial magicality – and then I saw where I had been going wrong! As I wrote on that post: After reading them, I tentatively answer my question (Claudiu’s Journal) of “What is needed to proceed though?” With the answer: find the thread to and allow that “all-pervading sweetness”, then, knowing it will lead to my demise, continue to allow it, more and more, to fill me fuller and further until that seamless transition between two worlds occurs once and for all! VINEETO: I just re-read your entry on the Discuss Actualism Forum answering your own question and YES!, that’s it. That is what Vineeto did (despite the interruption by ‘her’ mutiny) – following the overwhelming sweetness and tenderness all the way to ‘her’ manumission. In deep wonder about the magicality of the working of the actual world. CLAUDIU: Yes! After I wrote it I went on a plane (travelling to Romania) and it became clear that the key is to go absolutely all out, put all efforts into doing this / allowing it to happen — which is done not by ‘pushing’ but by allowing that ambrosial sweetness !! The mistake I made that got me to normal was in thinking I have to not put effort into it at all but “let it happen” — however such a backseat approach doesn’t deliver the goods. The latter part of the plane ride I experienced a heightened magical sweetness that was more than at any other point in my life. I recognize it is of the same exact quality as I saw in your and Richard’s living room many years ago, but much more stable now as I didn’t pull back so quickly this time. I take your last email under good advisement though, committing to that level of active engagement is a sensible next step rather than trying to self immolate and then letting my efforts falter when not immediately successful. VINEETO: Indeed, pushing indicates that you expect resistance whereas allowing it to happen is the growing confidence that there might not be any resistance left … It’s fascinating to read that your “heightened magical sweetness” as of the “same exact quality” that you saw in Richard’s and my living room many years ago, I don’t remember that you mentioned that sweetness when you were visiting. It seems like you have a firm handle on your destiny and how to go about it. I am well pleased, utterly delighted in fact. * VINEETO: I will also comment on the question you sent to the forum last night (my time), perhaps you find it useful. Claudiu: What is needed to take the final step? A few days ago it happened not once but twice on that same day that my experience of the fine and ambrosial appreciation increased and somehow ‘my’ being began to warp and/or pulsate along with it. There was a very distinct understanding that this could be it (ie self-immolation), but I pulled back! VINEETO: Ha, I remember well when that happened the first time, at Richard’s kitchen table :)). You have been fatally attracted for a long time. I think my first paragraph goes some way to answer that question – taking it step by step will be helpful, notching it up a gear (out-from-control) rather than taking the full jump approach. I just revisited Richard’s correspondence with on the difference between an EE and being out-from-control from August 15 2016 – in other words - [Richard]: “The vital distinction is the overarching benignity and benevolence inherent to infinitude – which has nothing to do with any affective felicity and innocuity – being dynamically operative due to the *cheerful and thus willing concurrence*of the beer.” [emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, Claudiu, 15 August 2016) CLAUDIU: I pull back every time — I suppose that’s the nature of it, every time but the last time one will pull back. What is needed to proceed though? VINEETO: Each time this pulling back happens, take note what the objection/fear is this time, it may be a different one each time. “Pushing” will not help and only gets ‘your’ heckles up – you can be very gentle and simply be pulled forward by the experienced “fine and ambrosial appreciation” and overarching benignity of the universe. Become more and more friends with ‘me’ in that ‘I’ agree on more and more points that ‘I’ am indeed redundant to the stage where ‘I’ joyously acquiesce to lay down ‘my’ burden (it is indeed experienced as a burden) and fulfil ‘my’ deep-down yearning to finally go into oblivion. When there is no objection left there is only joyous anticipation and no fear at all. All my blessings for your daring and adventurous endeavour to reach your destiny. Such a wonderful and pregnant time. Vineeto (see ) July 20 2024 CLAUDIU: Earlier today another oddity occurred that I think was the same oddity that knocked me out of it last time. I was also half-dozing off and it’s like a weird blip after which it seemed like ‘something in the center’ was gone, but it was the same as before, clearly not actually free, and it seemed to affect the out-from-controlness somewhat. I’ve come up with a tentative conclusion: that it is a “fruition” as I used to experience in my meditative days. There was some brief after-effect that seemed like a sense of euphoria or jubilation, which happened in both cases, and I remember happening after “fruitions” in the past. This serves as yet further evidence that meditative/spiritual paths are not only unhelpful for pursuing actual freedom but actively detrimental. This time around I used a conscious willpower to not fall out of the out-from-controlness this time around, and I am happy to say I did not! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, I am delighted to read that your meticulous and successful extraction from the Buddhistic Dharma-Overground practice has had such beneficial results, just at the moment when the beginning of an altered state of consciousness (“fruition”) was about to veer you off from the ongoing actualism process (being out-from-control). I still vaguely remember one ASC ‘Vineeto’ experienced in ‘her’ early actualism years, which lasted for 2.5 days, brought on by prematurely going for extinction where the ‘self’ flipped from a too fearful emotion to its opposite. It is recorded here (Vineeto, Death and Altered States of Consciousness). You did exceedingly well “to not fall out of the out-from-controlness”. It is truly wonderful. July 30 2024 VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, CLAUDIU: For me realizing this I hit a bit of a speed bump. It was two nights ago. As I wrote in #187, the momentum was increasing and it was all scintillating and wonderful. It seemed like I had been riding this wondrous wave and sufficiently paving the way, so I set my sights on what will come next – the actual ending of ‘me’. Faced with this as the obvious next step, I hit upon a distinct patch of hesitation and "well hold on a sec". This is something that I will actually have to do, which will mean the actual end of me – no longer a theoretical step at some point in the future, but something that actually will happen, or rather has to happen for me to attain my destiny. So the wondrous scintillation has dimmed since then, although out-from-control is still what I am. And I very distinctly do not want to fall out of this different-way-of-being. In other words, I firmly am not going back to normal. So it is a matter of staying where I am, in a sense, and actually checking out this latest objection. Very interestingly, when this would happen in the past I would experience it as being ‘stuck’. But I do not experience it as stuckness at all right now. It is just the next thing that is happening, and my experiencing still has that dynamic nature to it. Yesterday I spent a good amount of time on X (formerly Twitter) which is a sure-fire way to be exposed to horrible and terrible things happening in the world. I am particularly bothered by the egregious and >wilfully dishonest clipping of and taking quotes out of context to paint people as saying something very obviously different than what they are saying if one watches it in context. I put a lot of time and effort into trying to correct people, add the context, post a Community Note about it. The results were dismal – people that already saw it, saw it, and every person that engaged with me pushing back and maintaining the dishonesty, none of them change their opinions about it at all, even when presented with the clear, unmistakable facts. And so I came to see that what I was doing was trying to exert control over the world, to change other people to see what the facts are. And I saw it really just simply does not work at all. It reaffirmed that I actually don’t have control over this – meaning that my attempts to exert control in this manner, were a waste of energy. It made it starkly clear that this is not an alternative to actual freedom. Going out and spending energy essentially being an activist – it just doesn’t work. It is a tiny drop in the bucket, one feeling-beings contribution to a site with hundreds of millions of feeling-beings all fervently participating on it. Even if I had millions of followers – there are posters who do have millions of followers, and their replies are filled by people that vehemently disagree with them. One simply cannot control other people, it doesn’t work. It seems to mostly be out of my system now as I redirect my energy back to going further towards actuality. This is clearly the best way to actually make an impact on the world – by being that, and writing from that place, and then what I write may attract people which may go viral (perhaps), but that part is not up to me, all I can do is put it out into the world – and very obviously, the most impactful way to spend that energy is firstly to become free myself, and secondly to put that energy into the current active participants here, to help in whatever way that might help (which will be greatly aided by the most-impactful thing). This was a very observant experiment -- “it is impossible to combat the wisdom of the real world”. (Article 21: ‘It Is Impossible To Combat The Wisdom Of The Real World’; ‘Richard’s Journal’; ©1997 The Actual Freedom Trust). It is a great insight to aid you in leaving humanity itself. Richard: […] Then one takes the penultimate step ... one abandons ‘humanity’. An actual freedom from the human condition then unfolds its inevitable destiny’. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Rick, Penultimate Step) Here is a fitting cartoon for you ;-) Cheers Vineeto August 29, 2024 Hi Kuba, hi Claudiu, hi everyone, In the last week I have been busy reformatting and publishing Dona’s and Alan’s (dead-link) [https://actualfreedom.net/australia-questions/] web-page on the AFT website at One of the major topics of this three-week event of answers to questions from forum members in 2017 was that there are *no conditions to become actually free*. “Richard said there is *no connection at all* between feeling good each moment again and actual freedom. You can become actually free right now. But … In the meantime, while you’re living your life not actually free, why not feel good? As he says, this is your only moment of being alive, why waste it feeling bad?” For instance – 09 Nov 2017 Geoffrey: There is something I’ve been thinking about since: James: Dona, I have a question for Richard: What will it take for me to go the rest of the way to af? Dona: Richard was confused by this question, as it sounds like you think there are steps, or “a way”. Actual freedom from the human condition is a pivotal/decisive moment. You are either actually free or you are not (full stop). It is not possible to go “the rest of the way”. (my remark: same as a PCE… you are either in a PCE or you are not) Dona: Since we cannot eliminate ourselves, by ourselves (you cannot pull yourself up with your own bootstraps) he suggests that you set this intention: “I give myself permission to allow it to happen.” I remember making a remark on Slack that ‘allowing it to happen’ we usually used in reference to having PCEs, not self-immolation. And that it was a nice ‘parallel’ between the identity going in abeyance, and in oblivion. But I was wondering if there was more to this than just a ‘parallel’. Alan: Richard has never suggested “trying to self-immolate”. There are no ‘rules’ and no conditions for self-immolation to happen. … and there go my many ‘attempts’ lol, including yesterday’s one (when I was “contemplating on altruism”) – which interestingly ended in a PCE. This has happened lately, that when ‘trying’ to self-immolate I don’t end up in ASCs anymore, but in PCEs. This is the case since I’ve stopped ‘forcing it’, but instead trying to ‘allow it to happen’. Alan: Such giving of oneself could result in self-immolation rather than a PCE but so far no one has self immolated by doing so. It is also very unlikely as, unless one has fully committed to becoming actually free (and any fear of becoming actually free means one has not done so), it will not happen. Dona: yesterday Claudiu had a question regarding a fear of “losing himself” when intimate. Vineeto said that if he did give 100% it would most likely cause a PCE. Today I questioned why it wouldn’t cause an actual freedom, and they answered that it could, but only when the person was ready and all of them agrees to it. So the same thing that causes a PCE could result in self-immolation instead, if one is ready/ has fully committed to becoming actually free. And since: Dona: perhaps you think that practicing the actualism method produces PCEs? It does not. PCEs are spontaneous occurrences. Then Self-immolation is a ‘spontaneous’ occurrence – when one is ready/ fully committed. 1. Is all the above correct? 2. The same way PCEs can be ‘induced’, by ‘allowing them to happen’, can self-immolation be ‘induced’ by ‘allowing it to happen’ (if one is ready/ committed)? 3. Can I deduce from an ‘attempt’ that resulted in a PCE that the only thing lacking was the readiness, the commitment to becoming actually free? That the attempt was ‘correct’ so to speak… aiming in the right direction, but ‘failing’ because of a lack of ‘readiness’? Dona: you posted Alan saying, “there is no trying” to self-immolate... And that there are no ‘rules’ and no conditions for self-immolation to happen. So, that same answer still applies to all your questions above. Geoffrey: 4. If so I have to ask once more the question you must be tired to hear: how do I get ready? Dona: again, there are no conditions, you are ready when you are ready. Then in the meantime... (Lol... You know the answer...) ... Yep, the actualism method. Though Richard and Vineeto understand that you want a “formula” (Dona sidenote: so do I!) ... There is none. Everyone is different and has their own way. There are things that Vineeto suggested that she did ... But ... they are NOT to be considered “conditions”. Know yourself (Dona: I recommend using the website for ideas on that). Find all the objections to self-immolation (goes with the first one, know yourself). Imitate the actual world as much as humanly possible. Make it your number one aim/ goal/ intent. Allow it to happen (no forcing it). Richard added: “there’s nothing you can do to become actually free, and there’s nothing you can’t do”. Alan: Much the same as Dona has written. The main thing I got (again!) from our conversation is that there is no particular route to be followed. Your second and third questions are setting conditions. There are none! The experience (what they have ‘done’) of each person who has become actually free so far has been different. Vineeto said her experience was giving ‘herself’ permission to allow it to happen – but others did not experience that. Become interested, vitally interested (until it becomes a fascination) in ‘you’ and how ‘you’ operate. Discover what objections there are to becoming actually free. In the meantime commit to feeling good each moment again for the rest of your life and enjoy and appreciate this only moment of being alive – there is no difference between the ends and the means. Richard: The way to an actual freedom from the human condition is the same as an actual freedom from the human condition – the means to the end are not different from the end – inasmuch that where one is happy and harmless as an on-going modus operandi benevolence operates of its own accord. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27d, 6 December 2002) * As we all know, Geoffrey succeeded in becoming actually free 10 months later and thus made good on his promise at the end of the question-answer-event – 13 Nov 2017 Geoffrey: No more questions for me. Would you please transfer my most sincere thanks to them for the time they took to answer our questions, and for everything they’ve done since years to give us the life-changing opportunity to learn about actual freedom and walk the wide and wondrous path. The third wave is coming! (it’s us :smile:). Dona: Richard and Vineeto appreciated hearing this, with big smiles. I very much enjoyed reading the whole web-page anew, and I also much appreciate reading on the forum now that another wave is coming yet again. Cheers Vineeto September 30 2024 CLAUDIU: Something to share from my own experience here. I was realizing a key difference between how I am now vs how I was before going out-from-control: it’s no longer a “whether” I will self-immolate, but a “how will I do it? What’s the next step?” In other words the decision has already been made, and doesn’t keep needing to be made over and over. Now it’s just a matter of it coming to a culmination. Fun times indeed! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, I enjoyed reading your post “it’s no longer a “whether” I will self-immolate, but a “how will I do it?” At this point even the “how will I do it?” is a distraction/ an excuse for putting it off – and I say this from ‘Vineeto’s’ experience. When you say !YES! with your whole being, it is no longer a question of ‘how’. There is only action and the sweetness of pure intent to have it happen. (Do you ask ‘how’ before you jump over a rivulet or before you open a window or crack an egg for breakfast?) The relevant question at this point is “when” and the answer is easy - there is always only this moment. Enjoy. Cheers Vineeto October 29 2024 CLAUDIU: Then I wonder what the next objection is and I have trouble finding one – or in other words like there isn’t really one. Although there must be something else it would have happened? Might be more about finding additional reasons and/or motivation to take the final step. A huge one was identifying the pattern I have to withdraw and go into a complete “not caring“ anymore, just turning away from a situation or a problem. I saw in a flash just how deeply depraved that actually is, and how I don’t want to do that anymore in my life – and it appears to have disappeared entirely! VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, This is a significant pattern to have identified and it’s a very common reaction (strongly conditioned and upheld by society as well) mainly for males and a lot of females too. And it is not easy to talk about it because when you withdraw, you naturally don’t communicate. The “not caring“ is of course only a defensive front because if in such a situation you really didn’t care you would not have to withdraw from feeling hurt. It is indeed “depraved“ not in its moral meaning (bad, sordid or wicked), but in the sense of “depraving you“ from being able to resolve the problem and not get triggered again in a similar situation. It is also “depraving you“ from experiencing intimacy with your fellow human beings each time it comes into play. So it is really wonderful that you say “it appears to have disappeared entirely“ – just be attentive if/when a habitual reoccurrence wants to manifest. CLAUDIU: Also for the longest time there was a little actualist voice in my head (that was ‘me’ of course) telling me that I should proceed, coaxing me along, imploring me, giving the feeling or appearance of this being an ‘important’ (as in ‘serious’) thing, essentially making a drama out of it – and now I see that that’s silly, totally unnecessary. Maybe it helped in the past but it just doesn’t seem to be a useful thing anymore! […] And yet even though it is not ‘important’ as in ‘serious’ – and there is no feeling or ‘rush’ to do it in a real-world time-pressure sense – it is clear it is important as in having a large and meaningful impact on this body, the bodies of those closest to me, and the world at large. And I was about to write that the sooner it happens the better, but even this does not seem to convey it exactly, is there really a “sooner“ as opposed to a “later“? It is always just now anyway, after all… VINEETO: It is amazing how often the cunningness of the identity is in operation – here ‘you’, the identity, is masquerading as an “actualist voice“ urging you on, whilst the very fact that there is an identity urging you, veils or distracts of even puts you off from what you actually want to bring about! The aim of ‘me’ is to literally create a diversion and drain the energy of going forward by putting you in conflict with your own aim. And then, as a result of not enjoying the conflict created by this “actualist voice“ you give in and ask if “there really a “sooner” as opposed to a “later”? And that “It is always just now anyway, after all…“ This is a copout, a semantic trick, to stifle your intent to become free now, and if not now then at the next opportunity to present itself. Only a four days ago you wrote – KUBA: This persistence of the guardian after self immolation means that really there is no excuse not to do it right away. CLAUDIU: Yes I thought the same after reading it! VINEETO: ‘Vineeto’ called these occurrences ‘furphy’ [(Austral. Slang): a false report or rumour; an absurd story] each time ‘she’ successfully exposed one of those cunning diversions. It became a fascinating game for ‘her’ to discover them as quickly as possible. You may need to arm yourself with fascinated attention, charged up with pure intent, to unveil, decode, disarm and unmask all these ‘little’ diversions and furphies created by a very cunning ‘self’-preserving identity, presented in a last-ditch effort to prevent you from reaching your destiny. CLAUDIU to Felix: Oo is it that we have another joiner of the out-from-control club? VINEETO: Just for the record – being out-from-control is not a stable condition but a transitory stage of a more or less ongoing excellence experience in the process of becoming free. As such it is not a “club” to leisurely hang out in forever. Look, here is the history of virtual freedom so far – Richard had to inadvertently veer off into Spiritual Enlightenment after about six months of “dynamic virtual freedom”,(Richard, Selected Correspondence, Dynamic Virtual Freedom) whilst proceeding towards an actual freedom (because at the time it was the only possible way due to a marked lack of precedence in his unmapped adventure new to human consciousness); Devika backed out after 13 months, due to ‘stage fright’.(Richard, Selected Correspondence, Dynamic Virtual Freedom, #Devika) She consequently gave way to love and “chose for what she says is ‘True Love’ (‘Matrilineal not Patrilineal’)” (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 25b, 24 June 2003) and eventually “died a lonesome spinster”,(Richard, List D, No. 14a, 25 November 2009) while ‘Vineeto’, who, forewarned, had vowed never ‘to do a Devika’, went out-from-control the day about ten days after Devika/Irene died (14 Nov 2009), and after about six four-and-a-half weeks took advantage of the newly opened Direct Route and became newly actually free on 5 Jan 2010. One can’t stagnate, either go forward or backward. Here is how ‘Vineeto’ described this period in the Direct Route – “I experienced an ever-increasing pull to move forward into what I clearly and unambiguously recognized as my destiny – an irrevocable freedom from the human condition. It set in motion a process that was to undo all of my remaining bonds to humanity, my residue of inhibitions, my last hesitations and any and all lingering doubts. Having finally arrived at being out-from-control, living the ‘beer’ rather then being the ‘doer’, filled me with a previously unknown confidence and certainty that ‘my’ redemption was indeed nigh. To step out from control was a step deliberately taken, after sufficient clearing of the ground, so to speak, and after sufficiently ascertaining that what I wanted was indeed what I was aiming for (the genuine article of an actual freedom). Taking that step ‘I’ then willingly and with intent gave myself permission to allow the universe to pull me forward ever more strongly into the hitherto entirely unknown territory that lay between me and the ultimate goal. […] The other observation from this period of being out-from-control […] I remember clearly one day sitting in a circle of 5 friends, utterly relaxed despite the fact that I had never met one of them in person, and I noticed that I had no personal agenda whatsoever, no plan to stir the conversation into a particular direction, nothing to emphasize or hide, no self-centredness or favouritism, no shame, shyness, embarrassment, no power or drive – I was just being myself as I was. I sat in this group, as one of many, and my sole interest was that everyone present (including me as one of those present) enjoyed themselves/ obtained the maximum benefit from our meeting. I experienced myself as being unreservedly at ease and utterly benign and wasn’t driven to say anything unless it contributed to the overall quality of the conversation.” (i.e. no ‘self’-centredness whatsoever). […] “During the period of being out-from-control the identity (being the ‘beer’ as opposed to being the in-control ‘doer’) gallops ahead closer and closer to her/his destiny.” (Direct Route, No. 5, 17 January 2010) Just to emphasize – it’s not a membership-club, it’s more like being a fast-running tide carrying you inevitably towards your ultimate destiny. Cheers Vineeto October 30 2024 Hi Kuba, Hi Claudiu, Regarding our recent discussion about agency and, here I found a quote from Richard, which answers Kuba’s “issue at core […] around this old dichotomy of free will vs determinism” really clear without using the word ‘agency’ – Respondent: Richard, I have been considering what people mean by ‘free-will’ or ‘freedom of choice’, etc. Richard: You may find the following to be of interest: • [Co-Respondent]: ‘You think you have free will? • [Richard]: ‘No. • [Co-Respondent]: ‘What determines your actions? • [Richard]: ‘The situation and the circumstances in the world of people, things and events’. (Richard, List C, No. 2a, 13 March 2000a). And: • [Richard]: ‘The ego – or even the soul as pure spirit – is not to be confused with will. The bodily needs are what motivates will – and will is nothing more grand than the nerve-organising data-correlating ability of the body – and it is will that is essential in order to operate and function … not an identity. Will is an organising process, an activity of the brain that correlates all the information and data that streams through the bodily senses. Will is not a ‘thing’, a subjectively substantial passionate ‘object’, like the identity is. Will, freed of the encumbrance of the ego and soul – which are born out of instinctual fear and aggression and nurture and desire – can operate smoothly, with actual sagacity. The operation of this freed will, is called intelligence. This intelligence is the body’s native intelligence … and has naught to do with any disembodied ‘Intelligence behind the Universe’ It is a joy to be me going about my business with freed-will in this wonderful physical world’. (page 76, Article 10; ‘Richard’s Journal’; Second Edition ©2004 The Actual Freedom Trust). (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27h, 24 October 2005) Comes a bit of a shock, doesn’t it, that in actuality there is neither “determinism” nor “free will” but instead “this freed will, called intelligence.” Cheers Vineeto October 30 2024 CLAUDIU: The answer that actually works is always the same: pure intent will ensure the best resolution, by actually solving the emotional issue and also allowing the best outcome that could happen to eventuate. I observed a resistance to just accepting this. A sort of real-world sophisticate’s response like “ah it can’t be that simple, you have to consider all the angles, this and that and the other” of overcomplicating. In other words, I saw that to accept that simple thing would be to leave ‘humanity’ even further behind, and I felt the pull back towards humanity as a resistance to just doing that. VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, Sounds exactly what my parents would say, probably most parents. And sometimes they are right but they did not know about pure intent. CLAUDIU: Another thought today came up regarding how can a rotten-to-the-core thing such as me the feeling-being, have something so good happen to them as to attain one’s destiny. A lifetime of perennial enjoyment and appreciation, seems an unjust reward for something so rotten. And then I saw that it is not for ‘me’ the feeling-being that this reward will happen, it is for this actual flesh and blood body. So that which reaps the reward will be the flesh and blood body, not ‘me’. What ‘I’ do get (which is what ‘I’ want) is to no longer have any burden, to cease being malicious and sorrowful, via no longer existing, abdicating the throne. So ‘I’ get what ‘I’ want also but ‘I’ get it by sacrificing ‘myself’ which is something that is very fit to do for a rotten-to-the-core feeling-being. VINEETO: The reward ‘you’ get will be blessed oblivion, a yearning that ‘Vineeto’ found to become stronger the closer ‘she’ felt to ‘her’ goal. Once ‘I’ knew the alternative, from my PCEs, ‘my’ existence was more and more exposed to be a burden, burdened with covering up to be a fraud and guilty for existing in the first place (apart from having a great time though). But the yearning for oblivion came from a deep-down feeling more to the fore. It is not that you then “no longer have any burden” but you will no longer be a burden because ‘you’ are the burden. Watch out for these subtle dissociations, they are designed to keep ‘you’ in existence. Just thought I mention it. When ‘you’ with all your being desire oblivion because you realize that you are the very burden that is throwing the spanner in the works, then ‘you’ can joyously agree to ‘your’ ending. Only ‘you’ can do it. Cheers Vineeto October 31 2024 CLAUDIU: And I was about to write that the sooner it happens the better, but even this does not seem to convey it exactly, is there really a “sooner” as opposed to a “later”? It is always just now anyway, after all… VINEETO: This is a copout, a semantic trick, to stifle your intent to become free now, and if not now then at the next opportunity to present itself. CLAUDIU: I can see how what I wrote might read like I was saying it doesn’t matter if I become free now, in 5 minutes, tomorrow or next year with the semantic trick that “It is always just now anyway”. That is of course false – although time is still, things do happen and this organism is alive and its life-span is finite. And with that in mind yes, of course, the sooner the better! But I was writing it more like – ok the “later” might be something like, say, a year from now. That is too far ‘into the future’ – one might say better to do it “sooner”, like, say, tomorrow. But putting it off until ‘tomorrow’ is the same as putting it off until next year – it’s not ‘tomorrow’ now, and in fact it will never be ‘tomorrow’ since when tomorrow comes it will actually be today still. VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, I perfectly understand what you are saying, and don’t I know it from my own process. (12 years!!) I also know whenever Richard said it or wrote on the mailing list that “in the end there is only procrastination”, ‘Vineeto’ cringed. It was so undeniable, and yet ‘she’ didn’t know how to stop procrastinating. The reason I wrote the above sentence “this is a copout” is because it may be beneficial to recognize and acknowledge the fact, even though seeing it may be cringe-worthy because eventually, as Richard says “in the freedom of seeing the fact there is only action.” (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No.42, 16 February 2003). There may be still a way to go from clearly seeing the fact and the appropriate action but one can nevertheless bring the final event forward by exposing oneself to the fact that (as a very natural tendency) all an identity can do in the end is to procrastinate. I remember a little story, which happened in early 2000 – ‘Vineeto’ had had three ‘washing-machine-days’ of unabating emotional upheaval and was at ‘her’ wits end. ‘She’ asked for an audience with Richard and sitting in his living room, again broke out in tears of desperation (and of course I don’t remember the cause at all). After some time had passed, Richard asked, “do you think you would like to be like this for the rest of your life?” This question was like a magic bullet, it instantly brought ‘Vineeto’ to her senses, literally! No way would ‘she’ want to be like this for the rest of her life, not even for the next 5 minutes! The tears stopped and, although exhausted from so much emotion, ‘she’ felt excellent right away. This story is not really about procrastination, but it is about seeing things in perspective. Nothing, but nothing, is important enough to put off one’s final destiny, it’s rather a matter which is the right question to bring one to one’s senses or ‘to cut through the red tape’. And in the meantime, nothing is important enough to put one off from enjoying and appreciating being here. Seen in such overall perspective one’s priorities become very clear and obvious. As Richard said – ain’t life grand. Cheers Vineeto November 1 2024 CLAUDIU: Hi Vineeto, Just wanted to say I found the following of what you’ve written recently very relevant and apt (emphases added): VINEETO: • I also know whenever Richard said it or wrote on the mailing list that “in the end there is only procrastination”, ‘Vineeto’ cringed. It was so undeniable, and yet ‘she’ didn’t know how to stop procrastinating. The reason I wrote the above sentence “this is a copout” is because it may be beneficial to recognize and acknowledge the fact, even though seeing it may be cringe-worthy because eventually, as Richard says “in the freedom of seeing the fact there is only action.” (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No.42, 16 February 2003). • This clear labelling had an impact on the feeling-being because eventually feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ felt more and more that ‘she’ was indeed redundant, in fact rotten, and it was a shame and somewhat unbelievable ‘she’ was still holding onto ‘her’ existence. And this in turn brought to the surface the originally-dormant yearning for oblivion in the feeling-being itself – which all supported the aim of becoming actually free as soon as possible. • The reward ‘you’ get will be blessed oblivion, a yearning that ‘Vineeto’ found to become stronger the closer ‘she’ felt to ‘her’ goal. Once ‘I’ knew the alternative, from my PCEs, ‘my’ existence was more and more exposed to be a burden, burdened with covering up to be a fraud and guilty for existing in the first place (apart from having a great time though). CLAUDIU: I can relate to these feelings of cringing, recognizing I am rotten, appalled that I am still holding on to my existence, feeling guilty of it as well – it is nice to see ‘Vineeto’ experienced these same things and I can very much see how these feelings all point to me being a burden which it is in my self-interest (as a feeling-being) to no longer be… in other words aligning myself with the goal of self-immolation What is undeniably clear, and has been constantly clear since going out-from-control, is that I won’t stop until I have a life that is perfectly clean, clear, and pristine… and thus these feelings of guilt and fraud are incompatible with that goal… and the answer of course isn’t to cover up the feelings or hide from them, but rather acknowledge what they are pointing at – that I *am* a burden and a fraud and it would be better if I didn’t exist – and then do whatever I can to make that happen. VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, I am utterly delighted that you can relate to ‘Vineeto’s’ story and draw the obvious conclusion. The very energy of all your feelings which arise can be used as a driving force towards your ultimate goal. None need to be hidden or pushed away, they all now provide energy for moving towards your final destiny. And every time there is more joyous appreciation as a result, and increasing confidence, that your demise *is* going to happen. As I said before, it’s a fast-running tide carrying you forwards. That’s when the process becomes unstoppable. It’s a grand adventure. Cheers Vineeto November 8 2024 CLAUDIU: Little update from me: today I have been reflecting on the fact that I can never be perfect. It is not possible for me, a feeling-being, to be perfect. I thought to look at closing off any options that are not self-immolating. And in this context, it is really relevant to see that I can never be perfect. Because what I want is for life to be clean, clear, pure, perfect, and pristine – yet I as a feeling-being can never be that way. So it is not possible to have what I want if I remain. It also means that I can stop trying to be perfect – and this was felt as such a relief, to no longer have to try to do something that is impossible! Everything seems to flow from here – from seeing I am not and can never be perfect. Or to use other actualist lingo – that I am rotten to the core. Because also now that I know and accept that (and it has been fruitful to re-iterate, contemplate, really turn this about and feel it and accept it at the deepest levels of my being, which is still ongoing, for this to sink in) – I don’t have to defend myself anymore! There’s nothing to defend, because I already know I am rotten. If somebody does something that shows or ‘proves’ I am not perfect – yes, of course, I already knew that. VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, What a perfect insight! And what a relief to be able to let that sink in! It takes out all the stress of proving ‘yourself’, defending ‘yourself’ and hiding from ‘yourself’ and others. It also takes away a mountain of tasks you may have lined up for yourself to do first in order to be ‘worthy’ or be ‘ready’ for self-immolation. Plus, you will find that one of the biggest fears of ‘me’ – to be exposed as being a traitor to humanity – will have lost its sting. This will allow the desire for oblivion from the depth of your ‘being’ to come to the surface and serve as your ally of self-immolation. I am again reminded of Richard’s repeated statement during Dona’s and Alan’s visit – “there are no conditions for becoming actually free”⁽*⁾, ‘you’ can do it anytime, and when it happens it will be now. Your understanding that ‘you’ can never be perfect, has pulled the rug out from ‘you’ creating more conditions before the final event can happen. ⁽*⁾ Dona: “there is no direct correlation between the actualism method and becoming actually free. As Richard has stated, there are no conditions needed, it can happen now to anyone.” (Dona and Alan Report, #No Condition), CLAUDIU: It seems like so much of human interpersonal conflict just stems from people trying to pretend they are perfect or ultimately infallible in some cosmic way. So that’s been delicious to contemplate. Onwards!! VINEETO: This is indeed an insight with wide-ranging consequences. Not only are ‘you’ no longer needed for things to run smoothly but literally everything ‘you’ do will interfere with perfection and purity. This is not only delicious, it is dynamite! Viz: Richard: “What ‘I’ do, voluntarily and intentionally (cheerfully and blessedly), is press the button which precipitates a, oft-times alarming but always thrilling, momentum which will result in ‘my’ irrevocable ‘self’-immolation in toto. What one does is that one dedicates oneself to the challenge of being just here, right now, as the universe’s experience of itself ... peace-on-earth is the inevitable result because it is already always existing (‘I’ was merely standing in the way of it being apparent). The act of initiating this ‘process’ is altruism, pure and simple.” (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60, 3 December 2003). Cheers Vineeto November 23 2024 CLAUDIU: It also increasingly strikes me that many things are actual that I did not think were actual before. I had some sort of thought that only the physical is actual, and the mental, or mental processes happening, is somehow "less actual" than physical things. This is silly seeing that consciousness is obviously actual (obviously in a PCE). But it also struck me that, for example, a state of being focused is also actual (or at least has an actual component underlying it, if not in a PCE (in a similar way that even being conscious as a feeling being is only possible because of the actual basis of an actual flesh and blood body being alive)). The mind being focused on a task is different than the mind not being focused on a task, these are actual differences and both actually exist. And in a similar way, for example a context at work also is actual. There are actual other people, actual memories and information stored in their actual brain cells, that get activated appropriately in response to various things, all of which contribute towards a common goal. These things are all actually happening, and are tangible, in a way that I am thinking is fundamentally similar to an object physically existing. Albeit perhaps a bit different – a whirlpool of water is an actually-existing thing, even though it is really just the process of the actual water swirling around that forms the whirlpool. But a whirlpool is different than water that is still. So even though ‘me’ as an employee or ‘my boss’ as a ‘boss’ or ‘the company’ as an ‘entity’ that ‘I’ work for are not actual (those are all part of the real world), there is an actuality of the association of these various flesh and blood bodies actually working together that is actual. VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, It sounds really wonderful. I would like to add a notion of caution for everyone for the sake of clarity. The question is not what is actual but if what one is *experiencing* is actuality. Actuality can only be experienced in a PCE or when actually free. An identity will *always* only experience the identity’s ‘inner world’ and ‘outer world’. Here Richard makes a clear distinction between an excellence experience and a PCE – • [Richard]: ‘... one must be most particular to not confuse an excellence experience with a perfection experience ... and the most outstanding distinction in the excellence experience is the marked absence of what I call the ‘magical’ element. This is where time has no duration as the normal ‘now’ and ‘then’ and space has no distance as the normal ‘here’ and ‘there’ and form has no distinction as the normal ‘was’ and ‘will be’ ... there is only this moment in eternal time at this place in infinite space as this flesh and blood body being apperceptively aware (a three hundred and sixty degree awareness, as it were). Everything and everyone is transparently and sparklingly obvious, up-front and out-in-the open ... there is nowhere to hide and no reason to hide as there is no ‘me’ to hide. One is totally exposed and open to the universe: already always just here right now ... actually in time and actually in space as actual form. This apperception (selfless awareness) is an unmediated perspicacity wherein one is this universe experiencing itself as a sensate and reflective human being; as such the universe is stunningly aware of its own infinitude. In a PCE [a pure consciousness experience] one is fully immersed in the infinitude of this fairy-tale-like actual world with its sensuous quality of magical perfection and purity where everything and everyone has a lustre, a brilliance, a vividness, an intensity and a marvellous, wondrous, scintillating vitality that makes everything alive and sparkling ... even the very earth beneath one’s feet. The rocks, the concrete buildings, a piece of paper ... literally everything is as if it were alive (a rock is not, of course, alive as humans are, or as animals are, or as trees are). This ‘aliveness’ is the very actuality of all existence – the actualness of everything and everyone – for one is not living in an inert universe. It is one’s destiny to be living the utter peace of the perfection of the purity welling endlessly as the infinitude this eternal, infinite and perpetual universe actually is. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. Gary, #apperception). CLAUDIU: All delightful and fascinating to contemplate! The first part is the crucial part though – the point of being conscious is to enjoy being conscious. I experience myself as getting ever-closer to actually self-immolating. It is very different now, it’s no longer about rushing, or cajoling myself into doing it, or feeling like I ought to do it. It’s more like a wonderful and almost overwhelming aspect of being alive is accessible that is like a flowering wondrousness or magicality that is all-absorbing and fascinating in its imminent and immanent significance. It really is rather hard to put into words! VINEETO: And here you say “like a flowering wondrousness or magicality” – ha, you may well be vacillating between “two worlds”? How marvellous, how mirificent! I am reminded of Peter’s description of becoming actually free – Peter: Some time in the evening of a day of delightfully relaxed reminiscings, reflections and musings, I leaned forward wondering what it was like for Richard living in the actual world of people, things and events as distinct from living in a self-created illusionary bubble of one’s own making. Wondering about the nature of his experiencing, I suddenly became aware of a quite extraordinary sweetness – a sweetness that was palpable rather than feeling based. I heard the words ‘This is not only for me, this is for everybody’ as I was literally being bathed in this sweetness. This all-consuming experience of sweetness lasted perhaps less that a minute but this precursor left me with the utter confidence to proceed further into the actual world – indeed it was so seductive an experience that I was literally compelled to investigate further. Perhaps an hour or two later in an increasingly intimate ambience between us, I moved over to sit beside Richard on the couch as I wanted to be closer to him rather than talk over the coffee table that separated the two couches. I happened to remember that Richard had often said that he had been on his own in the actual world (for 17 years to date) and that he would like someone else to join him in the actual world and not for his sake but to prove that he was not a freak-of-nature, as it were, but as definitive proof that global peace and harmony amongst human beings was indeed possible in that an individual actual freedom from malice and sorrow was a repeatable occurrence. As I remembered where Richard was, I reached out and touched the side of his actual face with my fingers. As I tenderly stroked it, I ‘saw’ him as Robinson Crusoe – on his own but not lonely – on a tropical desert island, playfully content and self-sufficient, but ever casting an eye out lest a playmate hove in to view over the horizon. In that moment I knew that Richard’s first playmate in the actual world of sensate delight would be a male best-mate playmate and that female playmates would then follow soon after. After this, the sweet relaxed atmosphere that I experienced between us continued and became all-consuming as the “outside world” faded more and more in the background so as to completely disappear, as did the experience of time moving as I became more and more totally absorbed in the conversation and events unfolding, as it were. The following evening, I found myself back on my couch, leaning across the little table that separated us, explaining to Richard that I experienced him as being on the other side of a veil – with only his face bulging through as it were. As was I explaining this to him, I was waving my hand in front of my face so as to illustrate the veil and I happened to look down at the table in front of me. On the woven table mat my attention was drawn to a dark blue plastic cigarette lighter, an empty glass, a tobacco pouch and other sundry items. All of a sudden, Richard’s phrase “the actual world of people, things and events” came to mind and I found myself acknowledging that the things on the table existed in actuality, i.e. did in fact actually exist, and this being the case, here I was waving my hand in front of “people”, in this case Richard, saying that I experienced him as if behind a veil, i.e. not actually existing. It took only a few more seconds of switching my attention from the things on the table and my waving hand for the whole illusion of a separating veil to collapse – along with my illusory self-centred identity as I was gradually becoming aware of. The whole experience was *like a seamless transition between two worlds* – from being a feeling being trapped within an illusionary all-encompassing self-created and sustained bubble to being here in the actual world. There was no dramatic end for ‘me’, no death-like traumatic experience, no prior psychic events or escapades, no “wall of fear”, no “abyss” – rather there was a profound experience of sweetness, a ready acknowledgement of my destiny and a final understanding that the feeling of separateness was nothing other than an illusion of ‘my’ own making. [emphasis added]. (Long Awaited Announcement) Cheers Vineeto
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