Please note that Peter’s correspondence below was written by the feeling-being ‘Peter’ while ‘he’ lived in a pragmatic (methodological), still-in-control/same-way-of-being Virtual Freedom before becoming actually free.
> Selected Correspondence Peter Writing and Words PETER: Good to have you back on line after your move. Sounds an excellent set up you have in your new house. Just a comment on something you wrote in your post that caught my attention. It’s something that is quite close to me – as close as the 50 or so unsold copies of Richard’s and Peter’s Journals that sit beside my computer ... [Vineeto]: A few months back I had stopped writing thinking I had nothing to contribute until I was free. [Alan to Vineeto]: I discussed this a bit with Richard, some time back – and touched on it again recently. What is the point in doing anything when one knows (from the PCE) that one can do it so much better? No. 8 and Richard have been discussing the painting painting itself and I am like that with my writing. When the words write themselves it is oh so easy. When they do not it is very, very, easy to sit back and ‘wait’. [Vineeto]: A bit like – I’m not going to breathe anymore until I get what I want – which won’t get me closer to my goal. Or, to use another metaphor, one is standing on the brakes and wondering why the car doesn’t move. Now I have recently discovered another hump to overcome – ‘I might as well stop writing because Peter and Richard can say it much better than I ever will be able to anyway.’ [Alan to Vineeto]: I also have encountered this obstacle, though I do not agree with ‘I ever will be able to anyway’. For me, it was tied in with ‘what is the point’, as above. I know I will write as well as Peter and Richard when I am free of the condition of being ‘human’. [endquote]. I can relate to what you are saying about writing when you say ‘when the words write themselves it is oh so easy.’ But I can’t relate to ‘I know I will write as well as Peter and Richard when I am free of the condition of being ‘human’’ because I am not yet free of the Human Condition. Writing was an issue for me quite often whenever I read Richard’s writing and recognized the unequivocal authority of someone who is writing from the ongoing experience of being utterly ‘self’-less, i.e. totally free of malice and sorrow. When I came across Richard, tried out his method and found that it worked, I was inexorably drawn to try to write about Actual Freedom. I naively expected that it would be good news for my friends still struggling on the spiritual path or for those who had become disillusioned. Vineeto desktop-published my journal, Richard did his own, and Vineeto funded the printing of a limited run of both books in paperback form. I ended up giving away half my copies and Richard has managed to sell about half of his, hence the remaining that gather dust by my computer. My approach to writing was simply that there would be another Peter or Vineeto out there somewhere and that has been my approach ever since, despite the evident unpopularity of the topic. The surprising realization I soon became aware of after beginning to write was that I was essentially compelling myself to make sense of the Human Condition and how discovering how it operated in me. This is why I always would encourage anyone to write – I know of no better way to facilitate contemplation and encourage clarity. It also has the advantage of counteracting the billions of words of Ancient Wisdom that is ensnaring people into a life of denial and delusion, it communicates to others the bountiful benefits of actualism and points to the newly available possibility of an Actual Freedom from malice and sorrow. T’is a win-win situation. There was also another, no less important, motive. I came from some 17 years on the spiritual path where one was either free as in Enlightened, an awakened wannabe as in a teacher, or Enlightened as in an indisputable God-man. Once I recognized that the path to Actual Freedom had nothing to do with the traditional spiritual freedom, it became clear that a new form of communication was possible that had nothing to do with the demeaning humbleness that passes for communication in the Master-disciple system. We now have the opportunity to move beyond the traditional bowing down before some Guru or devotedly parroting some God-man’s wisdom whereby we can now ask sensible questions from an expert, an authority on the subject of both spiritual freedom and Actual Freedom. There is also a chance for those who are interested in freedom, peace and happiness to share their successes and failures, to ask questions and get answers, to make up their own mind free of emotional pressures, to move at their own pace ... or to bail out if it is not for them. For this type of discussion to eventuate I realized I had to be both an initiator and a contributor for it to be of benefit to me and others. Again a win-win situation. Further, there is the obviousness of having the courage to stick one’s head above the parapet, so to speak. What struck me was the fact that Richard has been daring enough to not only to be the first to become free of the Human Condition but to then go public with his finding. For this he has had to run the gauntlet of cyber abuse and ridicule, but if it were not for that fact that he did it, neither you nor I would be as happy or harmless as we are today and this forum would not exist. If it were not for the fact that Vineeto and I stuck our heads above the parapet by writing to the Sannyas mailing list, some who are reading these words would not be doing so. What others make of these words is purely their business but that we can talk of how to become free of malice and sorrow is an astounding development that is only possible via the World Wide Web. The benefit of the Net is that abuse from others is limited to swear words in capital letters or cyber-execution from mailing lists but one is tested nevertheless as to whether one takes offence – for if there is an emotional response it is a sure sign that there is a ‘me’ who takes offence and then ‘I’ have something to look at. This communicating with others also has the advantage of letting others know that there is now available a third alternative to either remaining normal or becoming spiritual. Again a win-win situation. Another point that comes to mind is that becoming free of the Human Condition is not a dispassionate affair – it is not about stripping one’s ‘self’ of emotions or making sense of the Human Condition such that one becomes a stripped-down clever cool ‘self’. The motivation to get beyond this stage has to be a ‘self’-less concern and consideration for one’s fellow human beings, such as is experienced in a pure consciousness experience. The utter futility and sheer pointlessness of human beings being instinctually driven to battle it out with each other in a fear-driven struggle for survival on this verdant and bountiful planet becomes startlingly evident ... and one is inexorably drawn to do something about the situation. You realize in a pure consciousness experience that the only thing possible to do is to ‘self’-immolate – to rid this flesh and blood body of the entity that is, by its very nature, malicious and sorrowful, that ‘I’ can only be a contributor to violence and suffering on the planet. You realize that this act is the only sensible and practical contribution you can make to peace on earth. Thus the essential fuel for ‘self’-immolation is altruism – the instinctual passion to sacrifice oneself for the others. This passion has to be activated and cultivated as a burning desire, for it is the only fuel that can get you through when the other passions begin to diminish in Virtual Freedom and comfortable ‘normal’ threatens to set in. Personally, this passion has always proved too strong to sit on for too long – soon I find myself back writing again, sticking my neck out, taking another risk, saying yes to being here and playing this game of being alive. So many people seem to be put off by any passion for freedom after their failures on the spiritual path but I fail to see how one can become free of the Human Condition unless it is a burning ‘self’-consuming passion. For me, one of the ways to both activate and cultivate this passion has been to write, both as a way of going beyond my comfort zone and of my fuelling my altruism. Also, I know that what I write about actualism and Actual Freedom will be of benefit to other actualists. Again a win-win situation. I am not suggesting that everyone needs to write a journal or needs to write on a mailing list, but some form of ‘coming out of the closet’ is essential, for that is, in essence, what becoming free of the Human Condition involves. The sensible and easy way to do this is to follow someone who has already done it and also to share one’s experiences, knowledge, successes and failures with others who are actively doing it. Richard did it by himself, as everyone else has to, but we now have the benefit of being able to have the support of others and to give support to others ... altruism in action, if you like. Again a win-win situation. So Alan, when you write – [Alan]: I know I will write as well as Peter and Richard when I am free of the condition of being ‘human’ ... [endquote]. Can’t I just tease you to write a bit while you’re waiting? I do enjoy your posts. PETER: Just a P.S. from me that might be useful. I found writing is an excellent way of holding on to or not losing those ‘flashes’ . The action of writing, labelling, a bit of subsequent contemplation and exploring, can build on and deepen those important flashes, very often into life-altering realizations. I ran a personal jotting notebook which I found most useful and I would have it by my side when contemplating. It is also an invaluable companion while you are having a PCE as you can glean much information which may fade with memory of the PCE afterwards. This way, afterwards you can read back and see what it was that you realized while free of it all. I also found reading Richard’s journal to be excellent – just a passage or two and then a stretch back for a bit of a muse about what was written, a jot in the note book and who knows what might happen? What I am suggesting is a little game plan – maybe settle for one particular issue that you want to crack through – and you’ll probably know which one – and then establish a method that suits you and that enables you to comfortably abandon caution and slip a little deeper. Supplement your investigations with writing, observing, reading other viewpoints, etc – do anything necessary to focus your attention on the issue at hand. What I found was once I had success with one issue the next one would come swanning along by itself. The other comment I would make is about working. During most of the time when I was investigating and digging deep into emotions I was working supervising a building site. I found it a rich field in which to observe and label feelings and emotions as they arose and I focussed on several consecutive major issues that arose at work and found that I was able to eliminate them to the point that both my enjoyment level and efficiency level increased. There is a lot to be said for testing oneself out in the market place for the immediate aim is to be happy and harmless in the world as it is with people as they are. Good to hear from you. You seem to be having great fun. RESPONDENT: Keep up the great work. PETER: I do like writing, which is all I do – it’s simply common sense to tell others what is now available. It’s more of a hobby than work and most of my writing has been my sorting out and reporting on experiences, understandings and facts discovered. Whenever I read any spiritual twaddle nowadays I am astounded as to its duplicity, confusion and blatant self-centredness, so it’s a joy to write of something as down to earth and non-spiritual as Actual Freedom. Writing also is great exercise for the brain given that independent and clear thinking is stifled in childhood and school years by countless putdowns and strict regimentation and is even further strangled, admonished and literally demonized on the spiritual path. The other point is that I am not working to change anyone else – as I said, that is an impossibility and it is also a ‘self’-serving exercise. It’s good to be free of that one. I noticed your heading to the first post was about convert numbers. There can be no converts to actualism for the simple reason that one has to do it for oneself, by oneself. There are no meetings, rallies, practices, groups, etc. Just a handful of people so far, their words, a web-site, and a mailing list. The other reason is simple – actualism is a life-as-you-know-it threatening occupation and, as such, not of great attraction to many. Actualism is about quality not quantity. The best, not the most. Good Hey. * RESPONDENT: I know only too well this is not the main game ... ‘I’ save ‘myself’ first, but would not going public be more efficient if world peace is to be even considered as possible? It might even make ‘my’ lot easier? PETER: By writing, I worked on doing both at the same time – ‘me’ first, and by writing of the process I knew it would be useful to others. It certainly made ‘my’ lot easier in that I painted myself into a corner – ‘I’ am continually forced to ‘put my money where my mouth is’, or ‘walk the talk’. I unabashedly encourage you if you wish to ‘spread the word’ as I found out a great deal about the Human Condition in doing so and a great deal about myself in the process. * RESPONDENT: I have just taken your lead and purchased my own computer... I want to write down my story... but I don’t know how it will unfold as yet... essentially it will be for myself... or should that be for the demise of myself ...??? PETER: I do find it odd that I now write as a hobby given that it was never an interest, I was not a great reader of books and struggled with English at school. I always thought that those who wrote and taught were not necessarily those who did things well. I chose the doing things well path but it is delightful to mix the skills these days. I remember buying the computer and setting it up and wondering what I was doing and more particularly how and where to start. So I took a note pad out to the balcony with a cup of coffee and sat down .... ‘As I sit on the balcony of our small flat contemplating life, I am moved to start writing my story.’ ... and away it went. It proved to be an amazing introspective process ... to see that all ‘I’ am is nothing more than the sum total of the beliefs, morals, ethics and psittacisms that I had been instilled with since birth. To see that all ‘I’ am is automaton from a social and genetic assembly line, both fettered and fated to be malicious and sorrowful, is such a blow to one’s pride. But naiveté and genuine intent produces such an honesty that one finds oneself gladly ‘spilling the beans’, so to speak. To conduct a review of one’s history, one’s actions, thoughts and feelings in the light of being ensconced and trapped within the Human Condition is an extraordinary ‘inner’ journey that beats any other form of therapy hands down. One literally puts oneself under a microscope and amazing discoveries are there for the making – things one was avoiding, things one was ignorant of, things one dared not to look at, things no one had told you, things that were completely different from what you assumed and believed to be so. This is the very business of an actualist – it is only by making this ‘inner’ journey of discovery by oneself, for oneself, that one is able to become free from belief. You get to find out what you are as distinct from ‘who’ you think and feel yourself to be – the ‘who’ that others and blind nature have programmed you to be. I particularly remember writing of my spiritual years and making discovery after discovery that literally shocked me to my core. Events that I had doubts or misgivings about at the time became crystal clear – insights and realizations came clanging along, one after the other. One that particularly sticks in my memory was of being with thousands of other disciples in a hall in India shouting ‘Yah Hoo’ to an empty chair where a dead God-man, ‘my’ Master, had sat. The Sacred Chair where He last sat – the symbolic equivalent of the Cross for Christians. I had had a peak experience at the time – a brief moment of startling clarity – and saw the stupidity and desperation of my situation, and of the whole Master-disciple business in general, and yet it still took me years to act on the realization and get out of spiritual world. It was only by meeting Richard that I finally garnered the confidence to go all the way. Writing my Journal was excellent in aiding and abetting a Virtual Freedom. The realizations about, and knowledge of, the Human Condition in action, both in others and myself, was liberating to the extent that a virtual freedom from the Human Condition was possible. ‘One establishes a firm and stable base camp from which to launch the final assault’ was how I once described Virtual Freedom. Methinks you are about to launch yourself on the adventure of a lifetime. It’s a fascinating business being a human being. It never ceases to amaze me. So, sounds bloody excellent news to me. RESPONDENT: It is so clear to see people reaching out in the ways you described for common ground. Maybe common grievance is a cathartic substitute for their sense of aloneness? To relate and commiserate through all the problems and complaints ... but it is just as easy to gain humour, entertainment through co-operative exploration. This can be done for the same purpose ... to remove the aloneness? It was fun recently to turn a whole group around from the type you described to a more sensitive and analytical social group. I simply acted without a self and watched how others became encouraged to do the same. It has little to do with wanting to self-immolate and peace on earth ... this is, however, a possible by-product? It made me realize that people, myself included, like to hide in the group, to connect, to solve problems, to feel a part of a bigger picture, and therefore feel stronger, more important, more relevant etc... PETER: I do sometimes wonder if anyone does or ever will read what I write because all of it gets filed away on the Web-site and one can often count the weekly hits on one hand. Long ago it became obvious that I was writing for myself and for my enjoyment and if it was of use to someone else it was a bonus. I did enjoy the book review as it bought home to me the fact that making denial and acceptance into fashionable ethical and moral values and then aspiring to Transcendence is indeed institutionalized insanity. And how actual peace on earth is eagerly sacrificed by all those who indulge in self-centred spiritual belief. I thought a bit about your comments about words, intent and talking to others and I found some pieces from my journal which may be relevant – [Peter]: ... ‘When I met Richard, I had long ago rejected Western religion and had, like many of my generation, sought the answers in the East and in spirituality. Now I had begun to see, particularly by re-reading the ancient texts and stories, that Eastern spirituality was nothing more than Eastern religion. I remember talking to friends at the time, asking them if they wanted to become Enlightened, and all of them said no. I was fascinated to find out why they followed Masters if they did not want to be like them. I would also ask people if they believed in God, and all of them said no. But when I pointed out that their particular Master taught about God in whatever form, they would all deny it. I realised that most people hung around for the ‘Energy’, and the Master could have been saying anything. It was shocking to see how gullible I had been, and only recently. (By the way, did you know that the word gullible is not even in the dictionary?)’ Peter’s Journal, ‘God’ *
> | [Peter]: ... ‘About this time I started to come to grips with an undercurrent of feelings that had been welling up in me as I got further along this path to freedom. As I began to increasingly understand the full extent of what Richard had discovered, I had begun quite cunningly to plot my role in the Movement that would sweep the world. Images of money and fame began to subtly occur – and sometimes not so subtly. I would see myself travelling and talking to halls full of people, spreading the message! Yes, it was good old power and authority again – the attraction of the Glamour, Glory and Glitz. No wonder the Enlightened Ones are seduced and then trapped by it! It seemed to me an instinctual grab for power by my psyche, which rightly felt threatened with elimination. I also had to admit to myself that power and authority was a definite attraction in my desire for Enlightenment – a sort of spiritual version of ‘Money for nothing and your chicks for free’.
> It was further brought home to me in my situation with Vineeto, as I would try to tell her where she was wrong and ram it down her throat. Finally I saw that it was up to her to do what she wanted to do with her life, and that I had no power over her. Now I would not want it any other way; it would not be perfect otherwise. A similar thing happened with friends when I tried to inspire them; they usually felt attacked and no wonder – this path is anathema to the ‘self’. To see power and authority in myself and to have seen them in the Enlightened Ones was to prove the critical point in the process of beginning to eliminate them in me. No longer would I be seduced down that spiritual path towards power and glory. I had reached the point where the spiritual path and the path to actual freedom radically diverge and go 180 degrees in opposite directions. There is an apparent similarity at first glance in that both identify the ‘self’ as the problem. One, the traditional, goes to God, glory, power and authority; the other goes to actual freedom, which I had glimpsed in peak experiences and which was becoming more and more obvious and apparent in my life. In my experience the other difference is crucial – one works, the other doesn’t. I was becoming increasingly happy and harmless, and therefore different from other people, who remained firmly entrenched in sorrow or were still trying the traditional paths as a remedy. They were still searching while I was busy arriving. However, what a freedom to see others as fellow human beings who choose to do what they want with their lives, and not as people I had to save. This path to freedom was proving to contain no power or authority. But then again I had only to observe Richard and how he was – and, of course, I did continuously. I could see that the path to actual freedom was eminently sensible, practical, workable yet utterly magical. And that Enlightenment has had its day; it’s finished, redundant, obsolete, archaic, primitive, harmful and silly!
> Another doubt that emerged about this time was that if I was to throw out spirituality could it be that I would just end up back where I had started, but without love, trust, faith and hope: the very things that made life at least bearable? Would I find myself in some bleak awfulness, some grey world, empty of everything? One day I had a flash of stark barrenness, a glimpse of stark reality – but I knew from my peak experiences that this was simply fear and, sure enough, being only fear, it did not last. I also knew the planet as a safe and wondrous place and the physical universe as indeed perfect in every aspect and I was increasingly experiencing this perfection as an actuality in my life. I was able to go to bed at night-time saying I had had a virtually perfect day – which was extraordinary and an undeniable fact. |
> I remember it struck me at one point that this effortless, almost constant, experience of calmness was vastly superior to any blissful meditative state, with all its struggle, torture and temporary fickleness.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘God’ * [Peter]: ... ‘University days were filled with a wonderful optimism and naivety as the sixties’ youth revolution gathered momentum. We were going to change the world! Socialism, peace, love, sexual freedom, environmentalism – anything was possible to have or to change. I marched to stop the Vietnam war, I poster-pasted to save the forests, I grooved to the Rolling Stones in Hyde Park in London, I hung around in Amsterdam, I travelled to the East, I became politically and socially concerned and involved. I’ve thought about these times during the last twelve months – what happened to the dreams, the enthusiasm of those times?
> | Remember John Lennon singing ‘Imagine’ or ‘Give Peace a Chance’, or watching Woodstock? We were going to change the world! And then it all started to fade a bit – I got rather lost in the daily business of wife, two kids and two cars. And then, when that crashed, I was off to the East with thousands of others, seduced and fired up by the promise of a New Man, Peace, Love, Utopia and an end to my personal suffering. In fact, the whole of the revolution of the sixties was simply sucked into the mystery, confusion and ‘mindlessness’ of the Eastern religions. Of course spiritualism failed – there was nothing new in it at all, now that I look back. How could the solution lie in the past? There would have been peace and happiness in the world by now if it worked – it has had at least 3000 years to prove itself.
> So when the social revolution and the promised spiritual solution failed, I was back in ‘comfortably numb’ normal, but I couldn’t rest there – that naivety was still burning within me, that refusal to accept that this was all there was to life. I am amazed to see that so many people of my generation have reverted to ‘comfortably numb’ – have lost their naivety. Surely the purpose in life is to be the best I can – to be the best possible.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Peace’ * [Peter]: ... ‘At this stage it may be useful to state my motives for writing. As I watch television, read newspapers, listen to people and observe the relationships of men and women around me, I see sorrow – sadness, melancholy, despair, resignation and the bitter-sweetness of love; and malice – vindictiveness, sarcasm, revenge, innuendo, gossip, jealousy, violence and hate. Nowhere do I see delight, contentment, satisfaction, benevolence, consensus and co-operation. Nor do I see any men and women living together in peace and harmony. So I thought my story could be useful to anyone who, like me, hadn’t given up yet, but who could see they had ‘nothing left to lose’ in trying something new.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Foreword’ * [Peter]: ... ‘So I’m writing my story, as an ordinary human being, one of 5.8 billion others on the planet. I’m not driven to proselytise or save the planet – it’s just that somewhere there may be another Peter or Vineeto who would risk trying something new. I was, after all, lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning – the only difference is that I chose to admit it. I accepted responsibility for actively contributing to the endemic violence and suffering. And I wanted to change. I knew, as everybody else does, that something was wrong. Why when I had everything I wanted, wasn’t I happy? And why, despite my best efforts, did I hurt other people? And why did the tried and true methods to find happiness – religion and spirituality – fail again and again? So in the end it simply meant going off down a new track – trying something new. I literally had ‘nothing left to lose’ except more and more of the same second rate life – and then I’d die.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Evolution’ Well, they are a few of my personal observations that may or may not be relevant to you. Personally, I gave up talking to other people about Actual Freedom about 6 months into the process. By then I had none of my former friends left for the simple reason that I had nothing in common with them. They were happy to cling to their beliefs and indulge in their emotions, whereas I was moving rapidly in the other direction. There is a price to be paid on the path to Actual Freedom – leaving Humanity behind is not just a concept, it requires action for it to become a fact. PETER: Hi Gary, I thought I would get in another reply to you before I strip my computer down again. My glitch hasn’t gone away despite me renewing most of my hardware and re-formatting completely. The next thing is to strip it all down again and try again. The marvellous thing is that I have not got upset or frustrated throughout the whole business which is proof to me that it is possible to be virtually happy and harmless with people, things and events exactly as they are. At this stage in the process of actualism, ‘me’, who I think and feel I am, is so weakened that it is extremely rare that I get upset about the people, things and events that constitute this actual world we live in. Gone are the days of wanting to fit in or wanting to change people, things and events to suit ‘my’ whims and ‘my’ moods. There is nothing like pragmatic success to confirm that something works. Something occurred to me to write to you about, and it is the business of writing. Often over the last three years since I wrote my journal I have been challenged with the comment ‘but you are not actually free yet’. Despite the fact that these challenges always came as a put-down from someone who hadn’t a clue what Actual Freedom was anyway, the question was nevertheless valid. Whenever this occurred or any other relevant and valid question arose, I would matter-of-factly re-evaluate what I was saying to check its authenticity and facticity, as well as run a check on own integrity. What I always found was that I could authentically write of the experience of actuality and the actual world from my pure consciousness experiences and that I could write with integrity and expertise about the process of actualism simply by the fact that I actively was doing it and logging up down-to-earth success. Unless both of these factors are present, it is relatively easy to detect someone who is talking the talk rather than walking the walk, as the expression goes. This is not to say, as I look back over my writing, that my experience, knowledge and expertise has not developed and that some of what I wrote in the past I would now rephrase in hindsight given the understanding I have now. But what I always wanted to do was document the lively process of actualism, warts and all so to speak, as it was happening because I knew it would be useful for anyone else wanting to become happy and harmless. * PETER: So, on to your post – Having been full-on on the spiritual path for 17 years I had a few friends who either were either left limping along as church-going spiritualists or were still shopping in the spiritual supermarket. I naively thought they would be interested in actualism but the moment they realized it involved questioning their spiritual beliefs, their automatic self-defence mechanism cut in and when they realized it also involved effort and work it was way too much for their spiritual ego. I just refused to let this experience muzzle me, which is why I chose to write about my experiences rather than try and change other people. GARY: I had a lively back-and-forth with some people about love and compassion recently. It provided an opportunity for me to investigate my own beliefs and feelings about love and compassion, as well as to determine how other people think about it. What I found was that I became rather exasperated or frustrated that either I couldn’t express what I was trying to say or that people didn’t want to hear what I was trying to say. This feeling of exasperation was a red flag to me that I was dealing with my own beliefs and feelings. There is absolutely no reason why one ought to become frustrated or irritated about what someone else is saying unless it challenges or threatens some belief that they hold dear. And I think this is what was happening to me in the course of this correspondence. PETER: Well said. My most recent experience of this was writing to No 22 and I was well pleased that I was neither frustrated nor irritated at all by the exchange. What did happen at one stage was that I got a glimpse of the utter madness of attempting to have a conversation with someone who denied even the physical existence of people, things and events and, as such, any attempt to even begin to discuss actualism is utterly futile. I experienced it as having my mind twisted around as I was confronted by someone who denied and negated every thing as no-thing, every fact presented as wrong thinking and every other human being as existing only as ‘behaviour’. But, I find it kinda cute that the list has now attracted its own resident God-man. GARY: I was trying to influence others, and when their opposition to what I was saying became even more determined (naturally so), I felt misunderstood and frustrated. I then commenced to ask myself why I was trying to influence others, questioned myself on my stake in the discussion, and investigated into my own deeper fears, conflicts, and doubts about love and compassion. Because I was deliberately questioning the emotion of love, and I was getting determined opposition from others, it really highlighted for me just how highly love is sought, coveted and valued by human beings. Love and compassion (and their allied emotions: pity, sympathy, empathy, etc) are really regarded to be the pinnacle, indeed the summit of all earthly dreams and hopes. To reject love is to be dead, according to what I heard these other people to be saying. Since I have begun to investigate into these tender instincts, I have been able to see what a hold they have on Humanity, indeed what a hold they have on ‘me’. ‘I’ need love in order to confirm my existence. Without love, ‘I’ am nothing – I might as well be dead. Love, if I was following the thread of these conversations, is the do-all and end-all of earthly existence. Without it, life has no meaning, no reason. So, even though I was taking one side in the discussions, the discussions themselves were reflecting back to me the deep questions and doubts that I myself have on the topic in question. PETER: In hindsight, in similar types of conversations I see I was simply presenting the fact that the much-vaunted feeling of love didn’t work because it has always failed to bring about peace between human beings. The same is evident with the revered spiritual feeling of unconditional love-for-all – it also has failed miserably in eventuating anything remotely resembling peace on earth. I was not presenting a viewpoint nor taking a side, I was simply stating a fact ... and offering an alternative. But like you, these discussions did serve to make me look even deeper into ‘me’ than I would have had I not discussed these matters and been challenged. What I also found was that often people liked the discussions, provided they didn’t become too offended, because they rarely if ever talked about their feelings in such a way, rarely if ever sat back and reviewed how they lived their lives, what beliefs they held, in terms of what worked and what didn’t work and why not. You may have noticed a peculiar twist in that if the person you are talking to takes a discussion about the human condition personally then they invariably become offended. If they don’t take it personally it is a sure sign they are dissociated in some way from their own complete range of feelings and beliefs that epitomize the human condition and the discussion usually trips along as a philosophical-type conversation with no depth at all. (...) * PETER: I simply gave up talking to people face to face about Actual Freedom and reverted to occasionally dropping in a bit of common sense into a conversation – a much less confronting exercise, although even this does appear to stir up some issues in some people. I tried writing on a few spiritual mailing lists and was cyber-executed from one and censored off another, so I do my writing on the Actual Freedom mailing list now, but as you will have noticed even this list has now attracted a few perfervid objectors to peace on earth. GARY: Hmm ... interesting. I was not aware that you do not write to other lists anymore. PETER: It does take time to write and I have always preferred quality to quantity, interest to disinterest, vitality to weariness, down-to-earthness to holier-than-thouness and talking common sense rather than exchanging hackneyed and rehashed platitudes. Which is why I particularly enjoy writing to you given that we are able to talk freely about any-thing at all. GARY: What I found in my brief experience of writing to others recently was that, yes, it did seem to be stirring up some issues in others, but it was stirring up the same issues in me. I found it was a fascinating way of observing my own psyche in action, and to sharpen my own thinking about some things. I think in the future I am going to be a little more circumspect in what I say to others. I have noticed that when I involve myself in groups, cyber or otherwise, I tend to come in guns a-blazing. Perhaps for me this is some kind of defence mechanism in action – you know, the best defence is a good offence. I have sometimes jumped right into these things and offended other people, rather than trying to ease in gradually and observing etiquette (or nettiquette). PETER: I do like the Net as a means of communicating. The very nature of writing brings out a clarity and conciseness that is not possible in the normal vagaries of casual conversation. The written word encourages a consistency of thinking, by its very nature it can expose contradictions and inconsistencies. On this mailing list particularly, it can lead to a common understanding of the facts of the human condition and can serve to eat away at and eventually demolish belief. I am often aware that what I write is often repetitious but I know, for me, that repeated little incremental understandings would begin to prise a ‘crack in the door’ such that it would eventually swing open and I was able to have a realization about some fact or another. Often it was a different phrasing, a different way of putting something that would all of a sudden make something clear that before had been obtuse or unclear – or hidden by ‘my’ emotional reactions. This type of conversation is such a pleasure and such an adventure, yet to others it is often boring and apparently even offensive in the extreme. The only alternative that would satisfy some would be to shut up, which would only mean that the chance to spread peace on earth would be stifled by the spiritual-ists. This is not an alternative that makes sense to me. Whenever I wrote on mailing lists I always liked to be up-front about what I am writing about. I wanted to make it clear that what I was writing was both iconoclastic and brand new – not that many really listened or took the time to try and comprehend what was being said. I was, however, initially very taken aback that so many people took what I was saying personally, or Impersonally, and those who wrote to me became progressively desperate and silly in their denial and, if they persisted, ended up offended and often downright angry. It was then that I remembered that once upon a time I too was so passionate about ‘my’ beliefs that I was even willing to kill, or be killed, in order to defend ‘my’ beliefs. * PETER: I find myself more and more unable to write of a process that now seems to have passed its active phase where ‘I’ am in any way involved in it happening or continuing to happen. It is as though my work is done both as an active actualist and as a documenter of the process of actualism. This stage has been going on for some months now and shows no sign of abating. At first I attributed it to laziness but I suspect it is more than that. I suspect it is the end of an era, the end of one extraordinary adventure and the beginning of another.’ GARY: I can relate in a sense to what you are saying. I am not sure if it is the same thing though. I feel some greater hesitancy in writing now than I used to. It seems that I have read so much about actualism and talked so much about it on this mailing list, that now the only thing left is to do it, rather than talking about it or thinking about it. It seems like most of my questions have been answered and, if they have not, somebody else has asked the same questions and I could find a response somewhere in the writings and correspondence. I no longer feel quite the thrill of writing and I seem to take a great deal longer to mull over what I am going to say and how I want to say it. I have thought that taking this more deliberate approach to writing, as opposed to a more spontaneous, off-the-cuff style, is throwing a wet blanket over things. However, I think what I am talking about is a bit different in what you are saying in this respect: I think there is still plenty of ‘me’ left in my writing, as evidenced by emotional reactions of not wanting to appear foolish or ignorant or anything else. I also have the uncomfortable sense at times that I do not know what the blazes I am talking about and that I have got it all wrong after all. These ego-centric reactions in writing and talking seem to be telling me that perhaps I want to project the appearance that I know more about this process than I really do. PETER: What I was saying was typified recently when I was writing about fear and then you made comment in a subsequent post about the atavistic fears that you experienced when abandoning the comfort zone of spiritual belief. It struck me that you were more able to write of this experience because it was for you a recent experience, whereas I had forgotten the experience because it has long past and has left no emotional scars whatsoever. The other issue about writing is that I have always regarded it as a way of exploring my psyche and of making sense of the world I found myself living in. To write while you are in the process of still making discoveries and whilst still in the human condition is a risky business for you are continuously sticking your neck out or putting your hand up to be counted. But what to do – sit meekly on the sidelines of this business of being alive? PETER to No 33: Perhaps it might also be appropriate to explain the history of the glossary at this point. After my initial successes with actualism I wrote my journal in order to provide a personal account of the successes of practicing actualism. When it was finished I then took on another project that I thought may be of use to anyone interested in making sense of what actualism is about – a glossary of terms that are commonly used in the actualism writings so as to define their meanings and point out where they differ from common spiritual meanings. I did this because when I first came across actualism, my own cognitive dissonance – my inability to understand new concepts due to a lifetime of programming of real world and spiritual world beliefs – meant that I initially understood actualism to be another form of spiritualism purely because I was incapable of considering, let alone understanding, anything so new and radical. Writing the glossary was a considerable challenge at the time because I have always attempted to write in my own words, independently of Richard. In fact, from the time I started to write my journal, I deliberately made a decision to stop reading Richard’s writings because I wanted to suss things out for myself, understand for myself, be able to describe actualism and actuality in my own words and from my own experience. It was also obvious that it was useless to merely parrot Richard’s writings and regurgitate them as ‘my’ wisdom, as is common practice with the ‘do as I say but not necessarily as I do’ spiritual teachers and famed Gurus’. This is why I term myself a practicing actualist – I can stand by what I write because I write from lived experience and not from wishful thinking, plagiarized theories or impassioned imagination. Some of the phrases and terminology I used in the glossary, and indeed in all my writings, are those that Richard uses and I use them because they are concise, to the point and very well thought about. Some sections of the glossary are also direct quotes of Richard’s because they were topics where I was out of my depth as it were, i.e. I lacked the understanding and direct experience of the subject to write authoritatively on the subject. I make no bones about acknowledging Richard’s superior expertise – he has not only spent far longer studying the human condition than I have but also he is actually free from the human condition – he writes from the ongoing, 24 hours a day, experience of a flesh and blood body sans identity. Writing for me is a way of being able to cultivate clear thinking about the human condition and, like all first-time activities, a lot of trial and error occurs and a lot of nutting out has to be done in the process. I am a practicing actualist and the practice of actualism is to strip away the beliefs and passions that constitute the human condition in me so as to experientially unearth the facts of what it is to be a human being. The way I did this initially was to read the words of the only person thus far free from the human condition, and check out whether what he was saying made sense, i.e. was it factual, and then get on with the job. But nowadays a world wide dissemination of actualism is happening and this is where reports from practicing actualists about the difficulties encountered, the issues that commonly arise and the successes achieved are equally important and useful to someone genuinely interested in actualism. If someone only reads Richard’s writings and ignores the rest of what is offered on the Actual Freedom Trust website and this mailing list, the natural tendency will be to remain an armchair theoretician, forever dreaming of change or to regard Richard as some sort of non-spiritual, spiritual Guru and clip on a bit of actualism terminology to their borrowed spiritual wisdom. It is in this light that the two sections of the Actual Freedom Trust website – the Third Alternative and Actualism – should be understood. Richard writes of a brand new alternative in human experience – to be actually free of the human condition as distinct from the spiritual delusion of Freedom – whereas the practicing actualists write to verify that this possibility can only be actualised by doing it yourself. You may have already noticed that some fervent spiritualists hold Richard in high esteem, lauding him for his Wisdom and writing style, whilst simultaneously deriding whatever the practicing actualists have to say on this list . Being a believer and believing in a Guru is far, far safer than finding out for oneself, because that involves both stubborn effort and actual change. You can see the same propensity played out all over the planet – spiritual believers are amongst the most passionate resisters to change. Their held to be sacred wisdom is firmly rooted in the dim dark past when it was believed that the world was flat and inhabited by good and evil spirits, when life was indeed a grim and desperate battle for survival. To continue upholding and defending these primitive beliefs and superstitions is plainly nonsensical in this emerging post-spiritual era. Due to Richard’s discovery, there is now available a practical means for anyone with sufficient motivation to become actually free of the human condition of malice and sorrow. And due to the reports of practicing actualists, this way is now becoming easier and easier to understand and follow as more and more is written about the human condition. I liken this supplementary information and reports to ‘trampling the long grass’, so as to make the path easier to follow for others. PETER: You recently wrote to Richard querying the accuracy of something I have written – RESPONDENT: I did look up the word in the actualist glossary and found a few noteworthy statements: ‘As this is being written, only a handful of people have managed to become free of the Human Condition ...’ As it has recently been established that the number is 1 – that hardly constitutes a ‘handful’. Respondent to Richard Re: ‘Spiritual’ 30.3.2004 PETER: It is quite clear that the statement, when taken at face value, is not correct but it is relevant to consider the timing and circumstances in which it was written. When I became a practicing actualist, I found it useful to write down my understandings and realizations in a notebook as I found the very act of writing itself was a very practical way of ordering my thoughts and keeping my thinking on subject and on track. Very often I would do this last thing at night as a way of reviewing the events of the day, noting the emotional reactions I had to particular events and then taking a clear-eyed look at whatever aspect of the human condition that had caused me to feel aggravated or to feel unhappy. After about a year of this intense process of ‘self’-investigation, I came to stage where I noticed that my life had changed so much that I was indeed virtually free of malice and sorrow, i.e. feeling excellent was my normal state. It struck me at the time that it would be useful to others if I wrote a journal that documented the steps I took in this process and the discoveries I had made about the nature of the human condition – so I purchased a computer and wrote my journal. After I had finished it, it then occurred to me that it would also be of use to others to write a glossary of terms used in actualism as many people who had read either my journal or Richard’s writings did so without bothering to understand the meaning of the words that were written, i.e. they skip-read looking for a feeling-understanding within the context of the human condition and their own particular conditioning rather than take on board the iconoclastic message that the actual words conveyed when taken at face value. Writing the glossary proved much more difficult than writing my journal as it often involved writing about issues and topics that I had not necessarily tackled in my journal and a good deal of the writing remained unedited as can be seen from the piece you quoted. As I look back on it now, much of the writing reflects the difficulty I had in understanding many of the issues and much of it is very passionate in nature. The very business of exposing the human condition is not an intellectual exercise – it is a passionate, hands-on business and whilst I wanted this fact to be reflected in my journal this passion is also evident to me in the writings that form the glossary. Much of my writing in the glossary reads as though it was written as the realization, or moments of clear thinking, were happening and some could have indeed even been written whilst I was having a PCE, which would explain the statement I made that you have queried – for when one is having a PCE, one is temporarily free of the human condition. Indeed it is my experience in being virtually free of the human condition that I am, in fact, free of most of the human condition for most of the time – which is not to deny that I will only be actually free of the human condition in toto when the singular event of self-immolation occurs. This is exactly the reason I decided to start writing when I did – I had some hands-on experience to pass on about the actualism method and the nature of the human condition that was best written raw and first-hand rather than as a hindsight account. If you read my journal and some of my early correspondence you will also find many other statements I have made that you could also rightly dispute. At the time they were written I was full-on into investigating the human condition and the very process is a daring and passionate one and whilst I fully stand by my earlier writings in terms of substance, flavour and intent, they were not necessarily intended to stand close intellectual scrutiny. At one stage I thought to go over my earlier writings and edit them for accuracy and terminology but I realized that in doing so I would inevitably loose some of the immediacy and spontaneity of an experiential account so I haven’t bothered. Thanks for pointing out the inaccuracy. I have changed the particular statement you pointed to, but I will leave my journal unedited for the reasons stated above. RESPONDENT: Just a simple question, maybe you can spare some time to answer it. What motivates you to spend so much time writing to all these people here? PETER: I have posted several replies in the past, which you may have missed in your deleting – [Peter]: I always wanted to be able to discuss these matters in my spirit-ual years, to get down to the bare bones of things. To be able to question absolutely everything and anything, the lot, without fear of getting my head snapped off, being sent to Coventry, or told I was being ‘negative’. To be able to ask, scrutinize and get a straight answer. And to be able to look at things without the typical straight-jacket of ... ‘right or wrong’, ...’good or bad’. To sort fact from fiction. To really find out what it is to be a human being. To be able to fully live as a human being on this paradisiacal planet ... free of malice and sorrow, happy and harmless, innocent and pure. As you can probably tell I am enjoying this discussion immensely. This is pioneering stuff and it’s happening right now as I type these words. Nothing is more thrilling than this... being here, doing what is happening. To be actually typing these words and not knowing what I am going to say next... The thing, of course, is that this is not anything personal that we are saying. We are talking about an actual freedom from the Human Condition, a condition that afflicts all humans. This freedom is available for everyone although it is clear that not everyone will want to take it on. Peter, List C, No 14, 11.12.1998 From another post – [Peter]: I am not flogging a spiritual or religious method. I am saying that there is now an alternative to being normal or becoming spiritual – there is now available a a new, down-to-earth actual freedom from the Human Condition. I do a few hours a day on the computer and nothing much else. We walk downtown for a meal, watch a bit of TV, have a romp, lay around a lot. I do enjoy writing and did think I might make a living out of it, but what I am saying is not very popular stuff. The only way to get a discussion going so far, has been to drop in on this list. I know it is pissing some people off but a few seem interested, so I’ll keep going for a bit. It is funny, though. I naively thought that the spiritual seekers, Sannyasins in particular, would be the ones who would be interested in this. Particularly seeing the religion is so obvious now. I suspect that many have invested too many years to even consider something else. I gave a few books to friends but they have gone mostly unread. I think many are scared that it might actually work, and nobody – deep down – wants to change.’ So, I have plenty of time, I never run out of time – it’s impossible. Peter, List C, No 25, 15.12.1998 From another post – [Peter]: The other thing I have been musing over is the curious reaction from Sannyasins to my Journal. I liked Sannyas and Sannyasins, particularly in the early days. There was a sense of pioneering, challenging the norm, giving it a boots and all approach. Now I get many people telling me ‘I’m all right’, ‘I’m watching my self’, ‘I’m happy’, ‘Life goes on and I’m going with the flow’, ‘I am already That, all I have to do is realize it’ ‘There is nothing I can do – it is all in God’s hands’ etc. etc. Acceptance was always an acceptance of me as I was, whereas if I was honest with myself, I wasn’t the best I could be – I wasn’t free. That’s all – I want to keep it short, but I just wanted to say this is nothing personal, humans are all inflicted with the same disease. The scientists are starting to isolate the genes, or software, that triggers the instinctual behaviour patterns relating to fear, aggression, nurture and desire – so it is a fact. But now there is a chance to do something about it, in you. Peter, List C, 10.12.1998 From another post –
> [Peter]: ‘During this time, I remember driving up the escarpment that encircles the lush semi-tropical coastal plain where I live. I stopped and looked out at the edge of the greenery, where a seemingly endless ribbon of white sand neatly bordered it from the azure ocean. Overhead great mounds of fluffy white clouds sailed by in the blue of the sky. Right in the foreground stood a group of majestic pines towering some thirty meters tall. I was struck by the vastness, the stillness and the perfection of this planet, the extraordinariness of it all, but … and the ‘but’ are human beings – human beings who persist in fighting and killing each other and can’t live together in peace and harmony. It was one of those moments that forced me to do something about myself, for I was one of those 5.8 billion people. It was exactly one of those moments that forced me to do something about being able to live with a woman in peace and harmony. To prove it was possible.’ |
> No longer was it then sensible to relentlessly pursue that which has failed for billions of people for thousands of years. Hope, faith and trust, when they fail, turn inevitably to despair, doubt and suspicion. I put my stock in confidence, certainty and a good deal of bloody-mindedness to try something different and the results are already beyond my wildest dreams! First, I made it the most important task in my life. Secondly, I realised that nobody could do it but me. Then I simply had to ride out the fear that arose from changing my behaviour – from actually eradicating part of myself.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Love’ Peter, List C, No 13, 8.12.1998 So, I delight in reporting to others that the path to a new, non-spiritual, down-to-earth, Actual Freedom works. RESPONDENT to No 23: No, their written material will be highly regarded by our children. PETER: This comment really intrigued me. Are you saying that the next generation will be the one who will finally abandon the idea of good and evil spirits roaming the earth, and that the earth will no longer be a place where humans are forever meant to suffer and fight, as some sort of cosmic ‘penal’ colony. RESPONDENT: No Peter, I was not addressing that. I believe it is a cop-out to place responsibility on future generations to ‘do something’. Part of the reason I get off the Sannyas list for awhile is I am becoming more and more aware of my tendency to write unclear sentences. I have a tendency to allude to things rather than state them clearly. As I write, my meaning seems clear to me, but the feedback I get is undeniable – my language is open to multiple interpretations. I admire your ability to be more literal. I do not rest with this; I aim to learn. In fact I am learning. The comment above is more directed to No 23 personally. It was a reply to his statement that what you guys write is a load of crap and perhaps if he met you personally he may find something of value. Clearly he does not place much value on your written material. I do. Here and now it is interesting, fascinating and valuable to me. It changes me. I am guilty of throwing a barbed spear at No 23 – ‘if you can’t understand, perhaps your children will’. It is this communication via barbed spears that I am wanting to cease. PETER: One of the reasons I wrote my journal was to make sense of life. To check out for myself what my experience had shown were the facts of being a human being on the planet, as opposed to the beliefs I had taken on board. I deliberately avoided much contact with Richard and dipping into his writing at the time as a way of checking it out for myself. I wanted to check if what he was saying stood up to the test of common sense and gelled with the facts. It did and 100% so. Of course, I freely acknowledge bleeding him for information, and his encyclopaedic knowledge of the Human Condition. His experiences of Enlightenment are unprecedented in that he is the only one who has escaped from the massive delusion of Divinity. So, writing is such a useful tool for clarity, I always want to say what I want to say clearly and concisely. It also means I have to know clearly what it is I want to say – for me that is simple, as all I do is state the facts. What others do with the facts is their business. PETER: Hi, in reply to your good question – RESPONDENT: Are you a missionary? PETER: A missionary, by definition, usually refers to the spreading of a particular faith. Since I see no sense at all in merely believing what anyone says I pass on that one. I am not flogging a spiritual or religious method. I am saying that there is now an alternative to being normal or becoming spiritual – there is now available a new, down-to-earth actual freedom from the Human Condition. ‘Missionary’ can also refer to the ‘style’ of presentation or wording. I thought a lot about this when I wrote my journal as I was writing with enthusiasm at the time, and I knew with the general cynicism abounding in the world, that it would generally be regarded as missionary. But what to do ... I am enthusiastic that at least we are beginning to talk sensibly about that ‘which cannot be spoken of’. At some point in my spiritual search I noticed that my scepticism was turning to cynicism and I deliberately attempted to turn my scepticism into investigation and scrutiny. The other thing about a missionary is that he has the power of God with him, he is doing God’s work. He represents the ultimate authority – God. I am, most definitely, not an authority in that sense, but I am an expert on how to become happy and harmless and how to live with a woman/man in peace, harmony and equity. So it is my pleasure, for a few hours a day, to get an opportunity to write of how it is to be actually free of the Human Condition. It beats Enlightenment by a country mile ... RESPONDENT: It is amazing how much time you find to post these many 10 to 30 KB heavy messages to the list every day. Do you still find the time to connect with people in real life or is your computer just the most beloved companion, meeting all your needs?? Just wondering. PETER: I do a few hours a day on the computer and nothing much else. We walk downtown for a meal, watch a bit of TV, have a romp, lay around a lot. I do enjoy writing and did think I might make a living out of it, but what I am saying is not very popular stuff. The only way to get a discussion going so far, has been to drop in on this list. I know it is pissing some people off but a few seem interested, so I’ll keep going for a bit. It is funny, though. I naively thought that the spiritual seekers, Sannyasins in particular, would be the ones who would be interested in this. Particularly seeing the religion is so obvious now. I suspect that many have invested too many years to even consider something else. I gave a few books to friends but they have gone mostly unread. I think many are scared that it might actually work, and nobody – deep down – wants to change. So, I have plenty of time, I never run out of time – it’s impossible. A bit from the end of the Time chapter of my journal might explain why ... (I managed to tackle all the big topics in my journal – it was the only way to come to my senses). [Peter]: ... ‘When I met Richard I soon realised that I had not even scratched the surface of what was necessary in order to become free. I quickly re-organised my life into a semi-retirement of working about three hours a day, in order to devote the rest of my time to be either with Richard or Vineeto. Thus, the major focus of time and effort I devoted totally and selfishly to my burning ambition in life. I also found that I needed time to myself to contemplate and mull over what was happening as all the beliefs were being challenged – uninterrupted time to string some thoughts together, to dig around, to make sense of things. The hours and hours spent with Richard and Vineeto were largely devoted to this exploration, but I had to sort it out for myself, and that takes time. In this period, time wasted on unnecessary things was simply time wasted. A curious thing began to happen when I contemplated on what it is to be a human being, when I pondered the Human Condition, when I became ‘self’-obsessed.
> | Soon everything that I did, every action, every word, every thought, was analysed in terms of ‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive?’ Then I was able to identify the lost, lonely, frightened, and very cunning entity that ‘I’ am – the cause of malice and sorrow within me. This is definitely not meditation, it is 180 degrees opposite. This is being fully occupied in the world of people, things and events: not retreating or hiding from it. The whole point of the exercise is to identify that identity in action – a sort of a psychic ‘search and destroy’ mission, if you like – and the aim is to become as happy and harmless as is humanly possible. The point of meditation on the other hand is to merely ignore and ‘rise above’ the behaviour in question: to dissociate from and transcend it, as they say. Transcending, per definition, is to ‘go above and beyond’, which is really ‘Above and Beyond’, as we all know.

The other essential difference is that Richard’s method concentrates all of the attention on this moment in time, this actual moment now. The whole emphasis is on how am I experiencing myself NOW? This has the effect of eliminating the future as something to worry about, and the inevitable postponement that it brings. The ‘there’s always tomorrow’, ‘one day I will…’, or the spiritual ‘in my next lifetime’ are simply a cop out. By bringing my attention to the fact that this is my only moment of being alive, and that if I was happy ten minutes ago and I’m not happy now, the fact is: I’m not happy now. So what is the cause, the source? I don’t deny that I didn’t have a goal and that this goal was in the future – to be happy and harmless 24hrs. a day, every day. However, my immediate aim was to be happy and harmless now, in this very moment of being alive! But it does take time to work through each of the societal beliefs and instinctual passions, to thoroughly investigate them. I always considered it nonsense to delude myself with the advice that I was already Enlightened, ‘That’ or perfect, when I knew exactly how I was inside and how I acted. It always seemed as though I was kidding myself that I was all right when, if I was honest with myself, I knew I wasn’t.

So my retirement in the last twelve months was really a retirement from the busyness of life, with all its effort, emotions and worries. A retirement from constantly ‘being’, from having a purpose and a continuity. Then increasingly I become aware that I, this body, is simply doing what is happening, which right now happens to be typing these words. I know that at some time today Vineeto will go off to work, I will eat, type whatever words come, laze around and eventually go to bed.

I know that later on, if I’m still alive, I soon will have to work to earn some money, but beyond that there are no plans, no desires, no expectations. Of course, I have preferences and also practical things to do, but I will simply be doing them when I’m doing them; they require little, if any, planning. This has nothing to do with the spiritual ‘being in the moment’ or ‘being here’, which is an attempt to hold on to an inner state of bliss, which in turn involves practising a constant detachment from the physical world, the body and the emotions. To attempt to bring one’s meditation into the marketplace is to attempt the impossible. As I know from my experience meditation is an artificially contrived, imaginary state of bliss that is notoriously fickle and temporary. Only very rarely does it lead to a more or less permanent altered state of consciousness, but then the real trouble begins as one practices losing all touch with the actual, sensual world. Peter’s Journal, ‘Time’ |

I learnt from my pure consciousness experiences that by not ‘being’, or becoming, or having come from somewhere, or going somewhere, I, as this body, am safely and firmly located in time. I am never out of time. I am never busy or not busy. I always have enough time because it is right here, this very moment of being alive, doing what is happening now. This moment is the only time I can experience; the past is nothing but a memory stored in the brain cells, only some of which I can recall if required. And the future hasn’t happened yet, and when it comes it will be this moment. Living this as an actuality leaves no room for the ‘self’, that identity who always has a past and a future.

| By doing what is happening in this moment, ‘I’ momentarily cease to exist, for my awareness is involved fully in what is happening, in this case typing these words, feeling the cooling breeze on my legs and occasionally being aware of traffic and bird calls outside. It is all becoming so eminently effortless, near-perfect but, as I discovered, it does take time to get used to living this way. There was a ‘can it be this easy, this simple, this lazy, this effortless, this good, this near-perfect?’ It goes totally against the ideas of struggle, effort, achievement, being creative or useful. I now see everyone else as wasting time by avoiding this very moment by living with their past, usually sad memories, or by dreaming and planning their future in a futile attempt to give purpose or meaning to their lives.

They all are avoiding or missing out on the thrill of experiencing this moment of being alive as a sensate human being. The method Richard devised to eliminate the ‘self’ – malice and sorrow – is flawless and ruthlessly effective. If my awareness is constantly focused on ‘How I am experiencing this moment of being alive?’ as a silent attitude, a non-verbal attentiveness, there is simply no room for a past or future, a sense of continuity. There is no room for feelings or emotions or for ‘going inside’ as a way of avoiding and withdrawing. Should they occur then there is something to look at – the aim being to get back to being happy and harmless as soon as possible. Practised assiduously, the psychological and psychic entity actually withers and will one day eventually die, as does anything starved of nourishment or sustenance.

Then ‘what I am’ will eventually emerge one day, I as this body, the one that was here anyway, the one that had been struggling at the shackles for freedom. Fresh each moment … again and again and again.

I am now beginning to discover the meaning of life.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Time’

Good, Hey ...

So, that was another good few kilos ... but a lot of it was ‘copy and paste’, and it was such a pleasure to write to you.

RESPONDENT: You are feeling responsible for all the unenlightened people on the planet?

PETER: No, I pass on that one. I found that the only person I could change was myself. I tried blaming others, trying or hoping everybody else would change and then it would be all right. I set a realistic goal of changing myself. Now, it is possible to help someone else but only if they are interested. But I limit myself to a few hours a day, a few e-mails seems a good balance.

I wrote my journal as a definitive piece and reading a bit of it the other day it is a good story. I wanted to ‘point the way’ to Richard’s writings, which were the tool by which I became free. So, anything I do beyond that bit of writing is a bonus... I do like the ‘live’ aspect of typing these words ... not knowing what is coming next ...

RESPONDENT: or you are intellectual masochist ...

PETER: No, neither. I trained as an architect but found the whole business a bit too intellectual. So I spent most time actually building, on site, hammer and nail bag stuff. I like practical hands-on work so words, writing, and the like are new to me. I have no interest in intellectual pursuits – I find so much of it to be mere ‘wanking’ (masturbation).

I write now because I enjoy it, it is good fun to offer – for the first time – an alternative that works.

It is the next significant change that will happen with humans – that we will gradually see peace and harmony spread on the planet. It is no small thing that Richard has discovered. It is a leap to a new species no longer driven by felines of fear, aggression, nurture and desire.

And each person is free to do it themselves or not. Cute Hey ... Perfect.

As for masochism, I aim for safety, comfort, and avoid the possibility of pain. I am a coward of the first order.

RESPONDENT: I pay you respect and I’m not sarcastic. But tell me what is the real reason for all this?

PETER: Why do I write?

To finally put an end to war, rape, torture, famine, suicide, sexual abuse, repression, suicide, slavery. This is happening right now as I write these words to real, actual flesh and blood human beings. It is not an illusion. I live in a relatively safe place, but we have policemen with guns to curb and control the worst of violence, and this country spends a lot of money on maintaining an army to keep other tribes from invading.

If you are in it for yourself then Enlightenment is the thing – self-aggrandizement if ever there was one. If you care about your fellow human beings then to become actually free is the only game to play. I write iconoclastically because we have been fed too much bullshit, lied to, conned, promised the moon, put off asking questions and told to trust, have faith and it will ‘all be right’. It is time for some straight talking ... a dialogue, a discussion about the Human Condition, some intelligent conversation based on facts... rather than what some fairy-tales some guys made up 2 or 3,000 years ago, and what we still regard as Sacred or Wisdom. Or should I be more humble? Am I not bowing low enough to the Divine? The good thing about not believing in the Divine is that I also don’t believe in blasphemy, so I am free to write of facts rather than merely regurgitate beliefs!

Why do I write?

Because there will be another Peter out there who admits to be lost, lonely, frightened and very, cunning ... and desperately wants to be free.

For me, as I was when I first came across Richard ... I just felt I had nothing left to lose ... and what else was I going to do with the rest of my life anyway?

The idea of becoming happy and harmless and of being able to live with a woman in peace and harmony was the best offer I had come across yet.

And what an adventure ...

So, good to chat to you, I enjoyed it.

*

RESPONDENT: Maybe your intentions are sincere, but then how can you expect from the people to just believe you and take you for granted only on the basis of dead words presented somewhere on the Internet?

PETER: I said in the Afterword to my journal, and here in this mailing list, not to merely believe what I am saying. It is such a poor way to live one’s life on the basis of believing what other people say.

For me, facts and common sense beat belief and feelings any day. If I was running a business and wanted to be successful I would rely on facts and common sense. I simply applied the same sense to being here as a flesh and blood human being and then the magic really began to happen.

PETER: Richard has something to write about that is invaluable for any who are sufficiently interested. The writings on the Actual Freedom Trust website probably total well over a million words and yet are but a drop in the ocean compared to the trillions and squillions of words parroting and trumpeting the ancient spiritual gooblygook.

G. G.: But no one reads all of them or his words.

PETER: No, all seekers of freedom peace and happiness are seduced by the ancient spiritual gooblygook for t’is sweet music to the soul and very, very few even bother to read spiritual words with a sensible clear eye for they are usually in-love with the whole fairy tale idea of spirituality.

G. G.: Are those your words? They seem old-fashioned and like Richard.

PETER: No they are my words typed on this very keyboard. If they do seem similar to Richard then it is due to the fact that we use consistent terms and that we are talking of the same thing. If they seem old-fashioned to you it may be due to obsession with style and not content. (...)

*

PETER: You seem interested in what others think of him, his appearance, etc. but what do you make of the content of what he is saying?

G. G.: Too tiresome for the most part. PCEs exist – so what? I don’t think it as astonishing as he makes out. He obviously still has an ego because he talks about himself. You now repeat yourself twice – duplicating two paragraphs. Are you trying to bore me?

PETER: Not at all. You are the one who is bored yet still writes to me in order to be even more bored. I’m having the time of my life writing to people about being happy and harmless and logging up countless objections for the record.

PUBLISHER No 1: PS. Were you a Sannyasin once? You sound a bit like all the other cynical disillusioned ex-sannyasins (which is not to say your comments are not without validity).

PETER: Yes I was a Rajneeshee for some 17 years. I have written of the incident that heralded the beginning of the end for me, in a book I wrote ...

> [Peter]: ... ‘One night in discourse, suddenly the absurdity of worshipping an empty chair on a podium, with thousands of other people all dressed in white robes, struck me like a thunderbolt. As I looked around, I had a brief flash of some sort of spiritual ‘Klu Klux Klan’. ‘Has my life really come to this?’ – I remember thinking. It was never to be the same again for me, although the final parting was to take a while. It also became increasingly evident that I was actually witnessing the formation of a Religion. Rajneesh had, of course, put the organisation in place before he died, but one further incident made it crystal clear.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Spiritual Search’

As for ‘cynical disillusioned’, I have had this charge levelled at me countless times. Below is a typical exchange from the Sannyas mailing list before I was cyber-executed from the list for being too heretical and iconoclastic ... (examples snipped)

Your statement – ‘which is not to say your comments are not without validity’ makes little sense to me. Judging something as valid or invalid is a subjective evaluation that is most often applied in the form ‘what you are saying has some validity, but I believe ...’ What about examining and evaluating a comment on the basis of whether it is factual and sensible. Is it a statement of fact and does it make sense, or is it silly?

Most people live their lives on the basis of feelings, imagination, hope and belief and stubbornly ignore facts and sensibility. My exchanges on the Sannyas Mailing List offer ample evidence of the stubborn hold that fervent belief and impassioned feelings have on human beings. Hiding behind, and wallowing in, spiritual belief makes any sensible consideration and discussion of facts an impossibility, and forestalls any consideration of the third alternative that is now available to remaining ‘normal’ or becoming ‘spiritual’.

One of the reasons I was moved to write to you was that your magazine seemed to indicate a willingness on your part to question spiritual belief, but it is now evident to me that it was simply written in sarcastic style and was aimed at deriding the beliefs of others who are not part of your religion.

It is an impossibility to engage in a discussion about facts – what works and what doesn’t work and why – with those who fervently believe something to be true and desperately uphold it to be the Truth. But if someone is sufficiently motivated and willing to take stock of their lives and examine what has worked and what hasn’t, then a sensible and dispassionate investigation of facts of spiritual belief is possible.

*

PUBLISHER No 1: Why do you keep going on about your book?

PETER: I thought you might be interested in an alternative to Eastern religion and philosophy, but I was wrong.

PUBLISHER No 1: Is this a reference point in your life?

PETER: Indeed it is. I wrote it for others who may be sufficiently dissatisfied and disgruntled with Eastern religion to be interested in something that was down-to-earth and non-spiritual. I also wrote it for myself in order to make sense of life. Any writing is a process of clarification for oneself as well as a means of communication to others. That’s why I enjoy writing.

PUBLISHER No 1: Can’t you just get on with your life?

PETER: No. In fact I didn’t like myself the way I was, nor my life the way it was. This burning dissatisfaction with ‘who’ I was proved to be the very reason I inquired about Actual Freedom in the first place. ‘Getting on with life’ was always a poor, second-rate choice for me. My life was always searched for genuine freedom, peace and happiness and I was never content until I found it. (...)

*

PUBLISHER No 1: Why is your opinion so important to you that you have to write a book? Is this your catharsis?

PETER: So, now you object to the fact that I have written a book! Thou art clasping at straws to denigrate me. Would you have me silenced if you were ‘the controller of those who wrote books’. There are literally thousands of Eastern religious New Dark Age books and there are only two written by actualists and you ask ‘why is your opinion so important to you that you have to write a book?’ Not so long ago we would have been more than cyber executed for our iconoclastic, heretical stance against all religion but thanks to the Net we now have an outlet which is thus far free of, and secure from, those who would silence us.

As for ‘catharsis’ – I’ve already posted quite a bit about my motives for writing but you either don’t read what I have written, or chose to ignore it for whatever reason.

Once again, this is the reason I wrote a book, and why it was so vitally important to write. It’s from the introduction –

> [Peter]: ‘As I sit on the balcony of our small flat contemplating life, I am moved to start writing my story. The urge has been welling in me over the last few months, so I’m now making a start. There is now ample time, given that I have all but retired, to reflect on the sense I have made of life.

> Indeed, that has been the innate drive in my life: to make sense of this mad world that I found myself living in. The insanity of endless wars, conflict, arguments, sadness, despair, failed hopes and dreams seems endemic. And worse still, as I gradually forced myself to admit, I was as mad, and as bad, as everyone else. I had tried all of the solutions that Humanity offered in order to be happy, but in the end they made no sense and haven’t worked to sort out the mess. But I have now done it, and the results are stunning, to say the least, and this is my story. It is a story not only of an adventurous journey, but of an arrival at a virtual freedom.

> I find myself, these days, both happy and harmless in that sorrow and malice have virtually disappeared from my life. Gone now is the continuous neurosis of the relentless self-concerned thoughts spinning in my head and the accompanying churning emotions and feelings. A calm stillness pervades within and without – it is now a delight to be alive. And I have also achieved what was a driving ambition since ‘adulthood’: I am now experiencing living with a woman in complete peace, harmony and equity with its accompanying sexual delight – the icing on the cake, if you like. I can now look back on a life well lived, complete in itself, and free of any emotional scars as I troll through my memories.

> So I’m writing to tell the story of how it is possible for any man and woman to live in peace and harmony, for indeed my companion and I are anybody – very ordinary, mortal human beings. Of course, it has only been possible because I have almost rid myself of malice and sorrow. By following a simple process, alluded to in this book, it is now possible for any human being to do so, should they so desire. Therefore, it is possible for any man and woman to live in peace, harmony and equity. It is then obvious that all humans can live in peace and harmony on this lush, verdant planet. Should they so desire.

> However, nobody but me could rid myself of malice and sorrow to the extent I have – it involved none of the usual spiritual, social or political ideals, no energy or karma, no trust, faith or hope, and no belief in, or surrender to, some Guru or God. I had to do it for myself, by myself, and I had to make it the most important thing in my life. But I do acknowledge serendipity, and it was surely serendipitous to meet Richard and Devika on a warm, summer evening in January 1997.

> It started off as a slightly awkward social evening but as it continued it proved to be profound for me. I do not remember a great deal of the post-dinner conversation, but a few things stick in my memory.

> ‘Everyone has got it 180 degrees wrong,’ Richard said at one stage. I was starting to have some doubts about Enlightenment, and that ‘crack in the door’ was enough for me to reply, ‘Really? – I’ll think about that for a bit’.

> ‘The only danger is you might become Enlightened,’ said Richard about the experimental method he had devised to eliminate the identity in toto – that psychological and psychic entity that is the root of sorrow and malice and that dwells within all human beings.

> ‘It is possible for a man and a woman to live together, twenty-four hours a day, in utter peace, harmony and equity, totally enjoying each other’s company, and the sex is great,’ said Devika. Now I was really interested!

> ‘I was Enlightened for eleven years before I managed to break free from the delusion that I was God’, said Richard. My brain went into gridlock, but this sounded like an interesting path to investigate, particularly considering what Devika had said about man and woman living together. Little did I know that the first statement was to lead to nearly a year of examining almost every belief I had taken on as to what it is to be a human being on this planet, and to reject every one of them as silly! And little did I know that I was soon to prove Devika’s statement as a fact in my life.

> And needless to say, I have managed to avoid becoming Enlightened, or indeed any form of Guru-ship.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Introduction’

As I said, we are worlds apart and, as such, any attempt at a meaningful communication is pointless.

*

PUBLISHER No 1: So once more my question still stands – why did you write the book? You’d already reached clarity, you had found peace and happiness and yet you still had to tell the world. I sincerely don’t understand. I also find your alluding to ‘the controller of those who wrote books’ a violent and malicious statement.

PETER: We have travelled this road many, many a time. Maybe you could use your imagination and imagine someone who found that the spiritual path hadn’t bought them freedom, peace and happiness but didn’t give up the search and the came across someone who offered a method to become actually free of the Human Condition in total. A freedom from both reality and Reality. He tried it out, found it worked and was moved to write a book about it to tell his fellow human beings of his experiences in the process of becoming free. So maybe you can imagine why he wrote the book and why those who are still happy on the spiritual path think he is spoiling their game.

There are literally thousands of Eastern religious New Dark Age books and there are only two written by actualists and you ask ‘why is your opinion so important to you that you have to write a book? Not so long ago we would have been more than cyber executed for our iconoclastic, heretical stance against all religion but thanks to the Net we now have an outlet which is thus far free of, and secure from, those who would silence us.

PUBLISHER No 1: Are you serious?

PETER: Do you doubt my sincerity?

*

PUBLISHER No 1: Why is your opinion so important to you that you have to write a book? Is this your catharsis?

PETER: So, now you object to the fact that I have written a book! Thou art clasping at straws to denigrate me. Would you have me silenced if you were ‘the controller of those who wrote books’. There are literally thousands of Eastern religious New Dark Age books and there are only two written by actualists and you ask ‘why is your opinion so important to you that you have to write a book?

As for catharsis – I’ve already posted quite a bit about my motives for writing but you either don’t read what I have written, or chose to ignore it for whatever reason.

PUBLISHER No 1: I’ve read what I’ve snipped below and see no answer to the question. It’s a how story, not a why.

PETER: If you think what I have posted is a ‘how story’ then I must have mixed up why and how, but as you said – ‘the Oxford dictionary is one thing, what I mean is another.’ So therefore ‘how’ I wrote my book becomes – on a computer, in MS Word, self-published and printed at SCU, Lismore. And ‘why’ I wrote it was put succinctly above –

> [Peter]: ‘I wrote it for others who may be sufficiently dissatisfied and disgruntled with Eastern religion to be interested in something that was down-to-earth and non-spiritual. I also wrote it for myself in order to make sense of life. Any writing is a process of clarification for oneself as well as a means of communication to others.’ (15.2.2000)

I think I’m starting to get the hang of what you mean ... if you get my meaning, that is.

PUBLISHER No 2: I am left wondering why you are so concerned about the image of Sannyasins.

PETER: At one time I had many friends who were Sannyasins, as I was, and most were very sincere and totally dedicated in their search for freedom, peace and happiness. As I have said before, at the time Sannyas was the best game to play. I now see a watering down of this search amongst many Sannyasins to the point were many are ‘happy and content’ exactly as they are, with no desire for change. I think this is evidenced by the fact that many are attracted by the teachings that ‘you are already That – all you have to do is realize It’.

To me this is a sorry and lamentable demise of a movement that began in the fervour of 60’s and that was going to change the world and bring peace to this fair planet. This passionate search for freedom, peace and happiness has degenerated into an utterly self-centred fashionable New Dark Age spiritualism that cares not a fig about peace on earth. The current image of Sannyasins in the wider community is that they at the forefront of this self-centredness and are deliberately turning away from the original spirit that was around in the ‘early days’.

Perhaps this just makes me an old fogie but I, for one, still remain vitally interested in actual peace on earth.

A bit I wrote for the Introduction to Actual Freedom may be relevant –

> [Peter]: The human search for freedom, peace and happiness has been a search for freedom from the rigid shackles of one’s instilled social identity and an end to the personal and global malice and sorrow that arise from the instinctual passions – a freedom from the Human Condition.

> The shamans, priests and God-men have commandeered this innate search with the promise of peace and happiness in a mythical ‘life-after-death’. This seductive promise of immortality for one’s ‘self’ or soul is a powerful lure that is passionately fuelled by the basic fear that underlies the innate survival instinct – the fear of death. The Eastern religions further add the possibility of becoming a God-man – a position of ultimate power and authority over others that is irresistibly appealing for many. The resulting enslavery of the master-disciple system is the very antithesis of freedom and is but to forfeit any possibility of an actual personal peace on earth for the promise of an imaginary and ‘eternal’ peace, after physical death.

> The search for a ‘spiritual’ freedom, peace and happiness, based on ancient superstition and metaphysical ‘other-worldly’ beliefs, has been on-going for thousands of years and has now had its day. It’s time for a modern scientific, practical approach to finding a genuine and actual freedom from the Human Condition in total. A freedom from ancient belief and spiritual superstition. A freedom from the necessity of forever attempting to obey pious morals and follow unliveable ethics in order to keep one’s instinctual passions under control. And, finally, a freedom from the instinctual animal passions themselves – fear, aggression, nurture and desire.

> It’s time to get to the very root of the problem – that ancient, hoary belief that ‘you can’t change human nature. Introduction to Actual Freedom, ‘Actual Freedom’

Sannyas has become yet another ‘old time religion’ and peace on earth is sacrificed yet again. As you can see, I am more concerned about the content and consequences of the Sannyas message than the image of Sannyasins. That’s why I write – purely and simply to say to anyone who is discontent with the spiritual path that there is a now a third alternative available to remaining ‘normal’ or becoming ‘spiritual.

The reason I wrote to you guys was to warn you of the apparent perception of intolerance towards other religions in your magazine. But you don’t seem to see what I see, so I see no point in continuing to flog a dead horse.

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