Please note that Vineeto’s correspondence below was written by the actually free Vineeto
(List D refers to Richard’s List D and his Respondent Numbers) Vineeto’s Selected Correspondence Preference Basis November 30 2024 VINEETO: Hi Henry, HENRY: I realized that all I am really doing when I’m playing these games is finding out what works and what doesn’t, there’s no need for any emotional involvement / involvement from ‘me.’ […] By doing all that I’ve developed a wonderful library of knowledge of what works and doesn’t, which I can carry forward and share with others. And I can continue every day – trying this, trying that. There was something I was doing as an identity, ‘identifying’ with particular outcomes – "I am a winner / I am a loser," not aware that both of those are completely dependent on conditions – all there is to do is tweak a condition here and there and the whole thing can flip. There is winning and there is losing but neither are permanent states – just as nothing in this universe is permanent. It’s wonderfully dynamic, and quite fascinating to take part in. VINEETO: Now that you have discovered your, the identity’s, propensity to be a winner/loser and discovered experientially that you don’t have to do that anymore, you could apply this to your whole life and live your life on a preference basis. Viz: Richard: I did everything possible that ‘I’ could do to blatantly imitate the actual in that ‘I’ endeavoured to be happy and harmless for as much as is humanly possible. This was achieved by putting everything on a ‘it doesn’t really matter’ basis. That is, ‘I’ would prefer people, things and events to be a particular way, but if it did not turn out like that ... it did not really matter for it was only a preference. ‘I’ chose to no longer give other people – or the weather – the power to make ‘me’ angry ... or even irritated ... or even peeved. (Richard, List B, No. 12a, 16 July 1998). Richard: I did everything I could to be as happy and harmless (as free of sorrow and malice) for as much as is humanly possible. This was achieved by first putting everything on a does-not-really-matter-in-the-long-run basis. That is, I would prefer people, things and events to be a particular way, but, if it did not turn out like that, it did not really matter for it was only a preference. I chose to no longer give other people – or the weather even – the power to have me annoyed, irritated, irked, or even peeved, if this was possible. Then, as it was patently obvious in those experiences of pristine purity how this very moment of being alive is the only moment of ever actually being alive, I began to treat each moment again as precious. After all, it is not as if we have an unlimited amount of moments and – unlike a bank account which can be replenished – our supply of such moments is our most valuable (albeit dwindling) asset. In practical terms this meant being aware of how each precious moment was being experienced; if feeling good (felicity and innocuity) was the prevailing experience then this attentiveness ensured enjoyment and appreciation, of the sheer fact of being alive, each moment again; if feeling bad (unhappy and harmful) was the prevailing experience then whatever had displaced feeling good became readily apparent, upon such attention, with so much at stake. (Out-from-Control Reports, Richard). VINEETO: In other words, if you put *everything* in your life on a preference basis then you can be winner big time, not only in a rather insignificant game on your mobile phone (I mean in the grand scheme of life) but in every moment of your life. It can look like this – Richard: I do have personal preferences ... one of which is a marked disinclination to engage in any sport or sporting activity (including all aspects of spectatorism). There is, for instance, a preference for omnivorism over vegetarianism; a preference for water-based activities (boating, swimming, and so on) over land-based activities (hiking, mountaineering, and so forth); a preference for comedic entertainment over the dramatic/ a documentary over a fantasy/ the voluptuous over the horrific ... and, to detail a few general ones at random, a preference for creature comforts over frugal asceticism, a preference for the warmer climes over the colder, and a preference for civilisation over savagery. Please bear in mind, however, that a preference for something is to merely prefer this over that ... and if ‘this’ is not available/ does not happen then ‘that’ does not detract one iota from the utter enjoyment and sheer appreciation of being just here, at this place in infinite space, right now, at this moment in eternal time, as this particular form which perdurable matter (mass/ energy) has taken shape as. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 118, 23 June 2006) VINEETO: Doesn’t this course of action intrigue you? Cheers Vineeto March 21 2025 ANDREW: On the topic of built up frustrations, I had been, until last week end pushing myself to improve “my lot” with the goal of not being so financially dependent on a “9-5” job. The recent success of feeling mostly neutral, with pockets of good, and minimal bad, gave that goal some needed mental space. I am thinking far clearer than I was before. However, such an endeavour, however successful it may eventually be, isn’t the answer for “now”. I was investigating a lot of time and energy into it, and it became clear last night that there was a lot of hope and scheming in it. With that reduced now, I have seen ways to improve the plan I had. However, before getting back into that plan, I need to dig into my current situation and improve my mood regardless of any future changes in my living conditions. Now is when I am alive, and tomorrow will most likely come, and so will the freeway, and work! VINEETO: That is a very good outcome of contemplation. When you attempt to “to improve ‘my lot’” the way you have done so far, i.e. with pushing yourself and generally in a ‘fighting the world’ mode, the outcome is likely to be frustration, exhaustion, and building-up anger and anxiety. Can you see a way to do it by being friendly with yourself – and others – and by allowing yourself to enjoy the things you have to do, or you want to do, and by appreciating this moment of being alive? Perhaps even a bit more in a naïve way? Richard’s approach to make enjoyment easier might also appeal to you – Richard: I did everything possible that ‘I’ could do to blatantly imitate the actual in that ‘I’ endeavoured to be happy and harmless for as much as is humanly possible. This was achieved by putting everything on a ‘it doesn’t really matter’ basis. That is, ‘I’ would prefer people, things and events to be a particular way, but if it did not turn out like that ... it did not really matter for it was only a preference. ‘I’ chose to no longer give other people – or the weather – the power to make ‘me’ angry ... or even irritated ... or even peeved. (Richard, List B, No. 12a, 16 July 1998) Cheers Vineeto March 27 2025 VINEETO: … inexhaustibly voracious to be substantiated and confirmed over and over again by recognition from feeling beings including yourself. [Emphasis by Andrew]. ANDREW: This was also a reason that I “blew up” the other day; a pride in doing well, and being proven to not be doing so well, when something relatively minor happened. I don’t like the reactive way I am going about this at the moment. I see my normal thinking habits are changing, but there is a fear now of “what’s next? What tiny annoyance is going to launch me now?” The fear is losing. Losing what little success I have, in a moment. VINEETO: There is a very simple solution. Make a pact with yourself not to beat yourself up when emotions come to the surface (optimally before expressing them) that are presently not on your list of wanted/ appreciated emotions. Rather pat yourself on the back for every new discovery and tackling the obstacle. Also remember, to put *everything* in your life on a preference basis then you can be winner big time, I mean in the grand scheme of life and in every moment of your life. It can look like this – Richard: I do have personal preferences ... one of which is a marked disinclination to engage in any sport or sporting activity (including all aspects of spectatorism). There is, for instance, a preference for omnivorism over vegetarianism; a preference for water-based activities (boating, swimming, and so on) over land-based activities (hiking, mountaineering, and so forth); a preference for comedic entertainment over the dramatic/ a documentary over a fantasy/ the voluptuous over the horrific ... and, to detail a few general ones at random, a preference for creature comforts over frugal asceticism, a preference for the warmer climes over the colder, and a preference for civilisation over savagery. Please bear in mind, however, that a preference for something is to merely prefer this over that ... and if ‘this’ is not available/ does not happen then ‘that’ does not detract one iota from the utter enjoyment and sheer appreciation of being just here, at this place in infinite space, right now, at this moment in eternal time, as this particular form which perdurable matter (mass/ energy) has taken shape as. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 118, 23 June 2006). Every surfacing emotion is part of the adventure to find out how you tick, to explore and discover, and the human condition naturally involves the full range of feeling, not just the socially accepted ones or the ones that you favour. Every one is a challenge, an opportunity and, when welcomed, a step to move forward. Cheers Vineeto June 27 2025 ADAM-H: Hey Vineeto, I managed to get back to feeling good by contemplating how, if it came down to it, I would sacrifice the things I feel that I’m protecting (namely my job) if it meant I could be perfectly and continuously naive. I also had a moment of realizing that underneath the fears about my job was the fear that I wasn’t likeable (which related to job insecurity, hence my fears about the ‘whims’ of my boss). VINEETO: Hi Adam, Chrono has just posted a report that he was experiencing a similar fear of not being likeable and found other feelings lurking beneath that. It may give you some helpful or even applicable pointers. Instead of “sacrifice the things I feel that I’m protecting” you can instead put everything on a preference basis – Richard: The ‘I’ that used to inhabit this body did everything possible that ‘I’ could do to blatantly imitate the actual in that ‘I’ endeavoured to be happy and harmless for as much as is humanly possible. This was achieved by putting everything on a ‘it doesn’t really matter’ basis. That is, ‘I’ would prefer people, things and events to be a particular way, but if it did not turn out like that ... it did not really matter for it was only a preference. ‘I’ chose to no longer give other people – or the weather – the power to make ‘me’ angry ... or irritated ... or even peeved, if that was possible. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 7, 27 January 1999). * Richard: I did everything possible that ‘I’ could do to blatantly imitate the actual in that ‘I’ endeavoured to be happy and harmless for as much as is humanly possible. This was achieved by putting everything on a ‘it doesn’t really matter’ basis. That is, ‘I’ would prefer people, things and events to be a particular way, but if it did not turn out like that ... it did not really matter for it was only a preference. ‘I’ chose to no longer give other people – or the weather – the power to make ‘me’ angry ... or even irritated ... or even peeved. (Richard, List B, No. 12a, 16 July 1998) And instead of wondering why other people do perhaps not like you, you can find out if you like yourself and if not why not. Is there perhaps a bad feeling lurking in the dark that you want to keep hidden, hidden from yourself? Something which perhaps requires some bright light of awareness? Something you can do something about with sincere intent to be happy and harmless? Cheers Vineeto September 29 2025 KUBA: There was no convincing myself, those 2 words came to mind and then the seeing happened as a result of a fascinated attention – this is the most accurate way I can describe what happened. Perhaps it appears that way as I wrote about what happened after the fact and was trying to make sense of it. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I much appreciate your clarification. I now understand better what happened. I will rephrase my cautionary note then. Self-immolation can not happen from a moment of apperception or from a PCE, or even several PCEs in a row, it is a definite job ‘I’ have to do, as an identity, when all of ‘me’ is in agreement with ‘my’ final demise. Hence my emphasis that ‘I’ need to be an all-inclusive ally in this task – the only and most important task of one’s life. Hence ‘your’ job involves channelling all your affective energy (your libido for instance) into felicitous and innocuous affective energy via naïve enjoyment and abundant appreciation. KUBA: But the main thrust of what you wrote I can see – in that I have been side-stepping those uneasy feelings around intimacy. And an imagined flight into ‘actual intimacy’ is how I can kid myself that something productive is being done, whilst those feelings remain unresolved. So it is more that I need to go “through” rather than “around”. VINEETO: I am very pleased you can see that. It’s also useful to keep in mind to differentiate between the felicitous feelings and the ‘good’ feelings, which you called “addicted to the high”. It helps to put everything that happens on a preference basis – Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, 25d, 14 January 2004) Cheers Vineeto October 1 2025 VINEETO: What I wrote above is sort of encapsulates why the actualism is so perfect to successfully facilitate imitating the actual and eventually clearing the way for making ‘self’-immolation possible. Now that you understand it more comprehensively perhaps you are even more motivated to enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive. You might also appreciate this quote, which I sent to Kuba yesterday, explaining why putting everything on a preference basis is an essential tip for feeling good – Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, 25d, 14 January 2004) JAMES: Good point Vineeto, I have been letting health issues interfere with enjoyment and appreciation. Got your point about preference also. I prefer to e & a even in the face of challenging health issues. The issues aren’t bad enough to prevent me from e & a. VINEETO: Hi James, That is good to hear. The “general rule of thumb” of making everything a preference works for everything – nothing is so serious as to allow it to prevent you from “e & a” – enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive. You may something to be different but it is only a preference and therefore not important enough to spoil you feeling good. With this self-less inclination ‘you’ have less and less reason to put up resistance to the facts of life such as indignation or disappointment or even fear to what you cannot change … and naiveté can flourish. Cheers Vineeto November 14 2025 ADAM-H: Where I still get off track is when I want to ‘be somebody’, somebody important. It’s clear how I still have a competing motivation to be recognized, especially in my career and work, and that keeps me from more wholeheartedly committing. I think that by fully acknowledging this and sensibly evaluating ‘will this motivation deliver the goods?’ it is losing some influence. VINEETO: Ah, several people on the forum have recently talked about the same urge to “be somebody”. It is inherent to being a ‘self’. As a ‘self’ you need constant confirmation from others that ‘you’ exist. Richard: The self is what one is born with; it grew out of blind nature’s method of perpetuating the species via the instinct for survival. All sentient beings have an awareness of self ... all conscious beings know that they are separate from everything else. Unfortunately, with our ability to think, which animals do not have, we transformed this instinct for survival into a will to survive – a mental and emotional operation. This creates a psychological entity – the self – which takes up residence within this body and feeds off it like a parasite. (Richard, General Correspondence, Page 1, 26 June 1997). The solution is rather simple – one can diminish the dominance of the ‘self’ by choosing to transfer the affective energy of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings towards the felicitous and innocuous feelings – and you have already decided to do that – Richard: Which is why I advise minimising both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ feelings and maximising the felicitous feelings – as far as humanly possible – as a salubrious modus operandi in the meanwhile rather than trying to eliminate them. Not only does this approach have the immediate benefit of feeling happy and harmless as one goes about one’s normal everyday life but it has the ultimate benefit of assisting in the rewiring of the brain’s habitual circuitry before the once-in-a-lifetime event happens which wipes out the identity in toto. (Richard, List B, James2, 22 October 2002). In other words, rather than following the ‘self’-enhancing urge to “be somebody”, whenever it appears, you give yourself permission to put everything on a preference basis – Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, 25d, 14 January 2004). Please note – the aim it not to become self-less as in unselfish, but less “self-centred”, more naïve. If you put everything on a preference basis you soon find out that this self-diminishing inclination makes being continuously happy and harmless much easier and increasingly fun, evincing marvel and wonder. Chrono said in a recent post to the forum – perhaps you can relate to it – Chrono: Thus in an overall manner to having more fun consistently the thing that sticks out to me the most is what I can only describe as a persona that’s bent on being sophisticated. A sophisticate. Making things complicated. Setting up an “image” of myself. Being serious. Even the visceral manoeuvring in my thinking and feeling. I found immediate relief in this noticing because only in this way I finally don’t have to be a “someone”. Interestingly, it was one of my major qualms with work that I noticed a while back. It’s not that work itself is majorly difficult, it’s that I have to be a “someone” at work. But it’s actually enjoyable when I don’t. Being a “someone” is a serious business. And this extends to pretty much every aspect of my life. (Chrono3, 6 Nov 2025) It’s a grand adventure. Cheers Vineeto November 28 2025 VINEETO: Hi Josef, JOSEF: I’ve put things on a “does not matter” basis recently. This has been quite difficult for me to do, and I have realized I am quite a domineering personality, wanting to always have my preferences met. Going along with others’ preferences recently has triggered this fear in me of being taken advantage of or being a doormat for other people’s whims. But yesterday when I tried this, honestly everything turned out fine and I had a great time. I felt light and happy and harmless. It seems my pushing of my preferences is driven by this fear. Most of the things that happen do not really matter… VINEETO: It’s great that you tried it out experientially, because events always turn out differently with sincere intent operating than theoretically or philosophically anticipated. This tool of putting everything on a “does not matter” basis also applies to weather, or situations beyond your control and whatever else happens in your daily life. “Pushing of my preferences” may partly be driven by its opposite, “this fear”, and it is also part and parcel of an identity’s inherent self-centricity, i.e. seeing everybody and every event and every thing merely from ‘my’ point of view/ my benefit or loss. When you become increasingly aware of this automatically operating self-centricity /ego-centricity and how it interferes with felicity/ innocuity, then putting everything on an ‘it doesn’t really matter basis’ makes even more sense. JOSEF: And for the things that do, I take a stand only if what’s happening is falling outside the realm of being sensible. This kind of action comes from a very different and more grounded place. VINEETO: You may find this recent post interesting in this context – KUBA: I never thought to question assertiveness, in fact I even remember as a kid in school being taught how it is so very important… Also to tie it into Richard’s quote about preference, if I am asserting myself it means that I have already made it serious, which means it is no longer a self-less inclination, it is now a self-centred urge. This is exactly how I have observed conversations turn into arguments too. VINEETO: Yes, you will be surprised how much effect it has on your whole outlook in life when you deliberately and consistently replace any self-centred urge which occurs with what is to happen as just being a preference. This quote from Richard might give you encouragement – (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba10, 2 October 2025a). Richard: An anecdote might best illustrate what I mean: many years ago my then-companion Devika would oft-times say to me that I should stand up for myself and not let peoples (such as you describe) push me around ... indeed, it was one of the reasons she created a psychic force-field in her psyche (which is, of course, the human psyche) so as to protect what she saw, experientially, back then as innocence personified. (She was wont to exclaim, on occasion, how ‘Richard brings something marvellous – something absolutely wonderful – into the world and yet everyone deposits ordure on it’ ... albeit not expressed quite so politely as that). What she did not realise – except during a PCE of course – is that innocence itself (the genuine article and not the so-called innocence of children) requires no affective vibe/ psychic current protection whatsoever and, therefore, in vain would I explain to her that, in everyday situations such as you report (where the whole point of the exercise is to walk out the door with the goodies which those in a position of power and control can either dispense or withhold), I had no interest whatsoever in futilely striving to win a puny ego-battle with some officious power-tripper but, instead, walk away with the said goodies each time. (Richard, List D, No. 32, 7 July 2013). Richard: … the counsel I consistently offered to Devika – vis-à-vis her insistence on ‘standing up for oneself’ to all and sundry – came from feeling-being ‘Richard’ (i.e., from ‘his’ success) and not from this flesh-and-blood body typing these words. (Richard, List D, Srid2, 14 January 2016). The key ingredient, apart from aiming to be felicitous/ innocuous it to sensibly, i.e. when necessary, emotionally accept what is intellectually unacceptable so as to not compromise one’s intelligence. James: ... My question is: Can I accept the unacceptable? (…) Richard: Given that people are as-they-are and that the world is as-it-is there are more than a few things which are ‘unacceptable’ (child abuse, rape, murder, torture and so on). What worked for me twenty-odd years ago, as a preliminary step, was to rephrase the question so that it makes sense (rather than vainly apply any of those unliveable ‘unconditional acceptance’ type injunctions): • Can I emotionally accept that which is intellectually unacceptable? This way intelligence need not be compromised ... intelligence will no longer be crippled. (Richard, List B, James2, 18 August 2001). Cheers Vineeto November 30, 2025 JOSEF: I had a PCE last night while on a high dose of cannabis that made me realize that actualism is much more radical than I first thought. When my “self” went into abeyance, I could feel infinite time and infinite space as I stood there in my house. Time also had no meaning. I could “access” the memories of my “self”, as weird as that sounds. But it was like thinking about a different person’s life. It made me think that if “I” die (self-immolate), this body won’t pursue any of the goals that “I” hold dear. It seems all “my” values are based on what “I” hold dear. Fretting over money or my relationship with my wife or whatever else had zero meaning. In Geoffrey’s video, when he says he’s poor and doesn’t give a shit, and then talks about security for the body as being food, water, shelter, I realized that a person who would be happy sitting in a garden for 20 years and dying would not be malicious or sorrowful for ANY reason. Even if they became quadriplegic (one of my worst nightmares), they would still be happy and harmless. This means that NOTHING at all matters. I think that is why the method says to put everything on a does not matter basis or get back to feeling good no matter what. If that’s true I’ve not been applying the method at all. I have just been sticking a toe into the water while keeping my whole value system intact. It occurred to me, is the method kind of suicidal? But isn’t that not the whole point? Self-immolation is psychological suicide? RICHARD: No … my solution is ‘self’-immolation – psychological and psychic suicide – and not what you are making it out to be (I follow the entirely sensible convention of using smart quotes when referring to the entity who has taken up a parasitical residence in the flesh and blood body). (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 29, 26 February 2002). VINEETO: Hi Josef, What a great PCE with so much more information for you and insights about what an actual freedom is. It is an excellent plan to put everything “on a does not matter basis or get back to feeling good no matter what” because nothing matters in the long run. This is a pivotal decision regarding imitating the actual which you have just experienced. Richard: I did everything I could to be as happy and harmless (as free of sorrow and malice) for as much as is humanly possible. This was achieved by first putting everything on a does-not-really-matter-in-the-long-run basis. That is, I would prefer people, things and events to be a particular way, but, if it did not turn out like that, it did not really matter for it was only a preference. I chose to no longer give other people – or the weather even – the power to have me annoyed, irritated, irked, or even peeved, if this was possible. Then, as it was patently obvious in those experiences of pristine purity how this very moment of being alive is the only moment of ever actually being alive, I began to treat each moment again as precious. After all, it is not as if we have an unlimited amount of moments and – unlike a bank account which can be replenished – our supply of such moments is our most valuable (albeit dwindling) asset. In practical terms this meant being aware of how each precious moment was being experienced; if feeling good (felicity and innocuity) was the prevailing experience then this attentiveness ensured enjoyment and appreciation, of the sheer fact of being alive, each moment again; if feeling bad (unhappy and harmful) was the prevailing experience then whatever had displaced feeling good became readily apparent, upon such attention, with so much at stake. (Out-from-Control Reports, Richard). JOSEF: This leads me to a more worrying thought. Will I just go along with whatever the people around me want, as long as it doesn’t cause a threat to this physical body? What if my partner really wants something that I don’t? Does it not matter and I will just change my self-centered urge to a preference for everything? VINEETO: This appears to be the moment the PCE ended else you would not have had a “more worrying thought”. JOSEF: I guess this is where silly/ sensible comes into the equation. But during the PCE I felt like silly/ sensible only applied to the preservation of the physical body. Honestly I was not ready for the experience at all and I could not go further, it felt like I would blow all my fuses or that I was not ready to make this a permanent condition. Felt like I skipped ahead and should have a PCE organically, without the use of drugs. At that point the PCE was over and the fear began. VINEETO: Yes, this “is where silly/ sensible comes into the equation” and it does not only apply to purely physical survival, as you can understand when you are back to feeling good (Richard, Audio-taped Dialogues, Silly or Sensible). Have you heard of a win-win situation? Here is something that might help regarding the assessment of preference – Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, 25d, 14 January 2004) The above correspondence from the beginning explains it in more detail. It is understandable when you say “I was not ready for the experience at all” – it may take some gestation period to percolate in the background for you to digest it all. But you have tasted the perfection and purity and experienced what is possible. JOSEF: I always thought I would apply the actualism method and become more and more happy and harmless in my relationship. This was kind of the end goal. But in yesterday’s PCE it became clear to me that I could only act in my partner and I’s best interest if there is no relationship at all. The relationship is just another part of “me” with all of its problems. During the experience I was considering “my” parents, partner, brother, friends etc. But it just felt like “his” (“my”) life with his emotional hang ups. “My” home (with all “my” ideas about home) became just the place I’m living in right now. VINEETO: Ha, I can understand this very well. Living in peace and harmony with Peter was also ‘Vineeto’s’ entry point. Here is what ‘she’ reported – ‘Vineeto’: I am reminded of the time when my questioning was particularly pressing. I had been with Peter for a couple of months and in that time it became obvious that if I wanted to live with him in peace and harmony, I had to change, not only superficially but radically. I experienced that we could easily agree on facts – for instance the sensuous facts that sex is fun or which restaurant in town had the best coffee and lunch. We also had no problems agreeing on obvious empirical facts that could easily be verified. But as soon as it came to beliefs, opinions and feelings we often arrived at a loggerhead situation. In particular I discovered that my beliefs in Eastern religion were increasingly impossible to reconcile with facts that emerged from reading Richard’s accounts of his discoveries, from mutual discussions I was having with Peter and from my own inquiries, yet my belonging to the Sannyas community made this investigation rather scary. For a few weeks we avoided talking ‘about the war’ but soon that was not good enough for me – living in harmony with Peter was at the very top of my laundry list and I was unwilling to settle for the normal relationship, where what passed for harmony was only sustained by constantly monitoring a ceasefire and constantly avoiding each other’s no-fly zones. For that very reason I needed to find out the facts and I had to dig deeper into the ideas, beliefs and truth that I had taken on board and that I felt so touchy and defensive about. To merely change one belief for another was not an option. The need to find out as a certainty became so pressing that I began to ask more and more specific and sometimes very disturbing questions, so much so that one day I was distracted while driving and had a minor car accident. The following evening a crack in my beliefs became readily apparent, which resulted in my first major PCE. (Actualism, Vineeto, Actual Freedom List, No. 37c, 20.7.2003). Don’t you find it amazing (worth appreciating) that you start with one worthwhile goal – to live with your partner in peace and harmony – and the more you explore to make it work, the more you discover what this all involves? Now that you know with certainty, from the PCE, that ‘I’/ ‘me’ am the problem, you slowly dismantle whenever ‘I’ and ‘my’ demands, desires, objections, beliefs, etc. get in the way of being happy and harmless and enjoying/ appreciating being here. It’s not complex because it is only ‘me’, in ‘my’ variations, which is the problem. With your preference for a “self-less inclination” you have a clear compass where you want to go. Two hints to make it easier – always get back to feeling good before investigating an obstacle, and remember to be a friend to yourself. Cheers Vineeto December 2 2025 ANDREW: Thanks Vineeto! Very new to me. I like this quote from Claudiu. It’s been the ongoing investigation into music. That I am not special. I may have perhaps a talent, but that is far from unique. There is an old saying, there is nothing more common than the talented but unsuccessful. Which is the key for me to continue looking into this. It has been a hugely dominant force in my life, and in my father’s life. Understanding it, gently teases something out of me. How I hold on to this “special” talent. When, is it really there? Perhaps I do have an ear for music, and so? How is that anything different from someone born with the genetics to grow to 7 feet tall? It’s not anything that ‘I’ had anything to do with at all! I have been thinking a lot about music. How so much of it, if not the vast majority of it, is derived and contrived. Not in a negative sense, in the literal sense. It’s not unique, factually. For the most part. (…) VINEETO: Hi Andrew, This is fascinating, how an insight that “I am not special” has so many ramifications to ease the pressure of what you say has been an “obsession”, and now you are more at ease, more happy and naïvely curious as to what is going to happen next. That is something to truly appreciate. ANDREW: I never questioned anything like this. It was all about being an ‘artist’, whatever that was! Which I never actually was in anyway, but the fantasy was always there. As if I just had to take it seriously for a moment, and “poof!” Instant acclaim! hehe. It’s fun to give myself the space to smile at it all. Without animosity. It’s all preference really! Some people are very found of a particular kind of music, for a certain time, and then another kind! Just as my tastes have changed. VINEETO: Yes, this is what having preferences instead of passionate urges does – you can have smile, fun, you can explore your talent (or no talent), your tastes and you can play music instead of working on it. It doesn’t really matter. Music is for fun, pleasant to the ears and well worth enjoying and appreciating for the very amusement and delight. * VINEETO: Indeed, and the less you try to be someone but simply enjoy being here as happily and harmlessly as possible, the more it is happening of its own accord. Enjoy your childlike wonder with adult sensibilities ANDREW: I didn’t read this properly. That is indeed it! The less I try an ‘be’ anything, the more interesting things are. It’s not the fun in “questioning” per se, it’s the fun in not having to “be” something at the end of the thought. As in, I can create music without a snare on the backbeat if I like, and music of any sort at all, without defining myself. Simply, is it fun? Playful? VINEETO: Ah, I am pleased you understood. Just as having preferences instead of passionate urges is a ‘self-less (or ‘self’-diminishing) inclination, so are the felicitous and innocuous feelings in contrast to the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings. Have playful fun finding out even more of the benefits of this naïve approach. Cheers Vineeto December 2 2025 ANDREW: Thanks Vineeto. The last two nights I was tail-gated aggressively by other drivers. Deliberately, I didn’t move out of the way, as that would inconvenience me. Long story short, today, on the second occasion, I had the thought; “for everything I have learnt about the human condition, personality disorders, mental illnesses etc, why am I so surprised and angry that I would encounter this behaviour in life?” (…) I pondered this in my last part of my journey. Whilst still being tailgated through my neighbourhood and feeling the rage which, if pushed may well have resulted in violence, I thought, “would I die to set that body free from the ‘entity’ which is clearly causing that behaviour?” (to be clear, at no point was I breaking the law, driving slowly or otherwise “asking for this”. Technically I was over the speed limit, but under what is classed as an offence). I remembered my two closest friends. Very large muscular guys, far bigger than average. Both capable of dominating most people if needed, but both are deeply thoughtful men. I thought of these same sized men (it’s usually men being aggressive on the freeway), men who obviously “back themselves” in a confrontation were it to come to that, and I saw what it would mean for every “body” to be free. No one would ever be afraid, and no one ever using physical size and capacity against anyone. Would I ‘self sacrifice’ to potentially set these aggressive male drivers free? Yes, I would. I can see that it was always such an obvious thing to do. VINEETO: Hi Andrew, A less radical way of proceeding – until you are ready to fully agree to self-immolation to happen – I can recommend to emotionally accept what is intellectually unacceptable in conjunction with putting everything on a preference basis – James: ... My question is: Can I accept the unacceptable? (…) Richard: Given that people are as-they-are and that the world is as-it-is there are more than a few things which are ‘unacceptable’ (child abuse, rape, murder, torture and so on). What worked for me twenty-odd years ago, as a preliminary step, was to rephrase the question so that it makes sense (rather than vainly apply any of those unliveable ‘unconditional acceptance’ type injunctions): • Can I emotionally accept that which is intellectually unacceptable? This way intelligence need not be compromised ... intelligence will no longer be crippled. (Richard, List B, James2, 18 August 2001). Cheers Vineeto December 9 2025 VINEETO: Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, 25d, 14 January 2004). Please note – the aim it not to become self-less as in unselfish, but less “self-centred”, more naïve. If you put everything on a preference basis you soon find out that this self-diminishing inclination makes being continuously happy and harmless much easier and increasingly fun, evincing marvel and wonder. ADAM-H: I’ve been pondering the ‘put everything on a preference basis’ for the last few days. At various times in the past I tried to approach things through this lens and did not always have success. Like a lot of things with actualism it seems like the method and the goal are the same thing here. VINEETO: Hi Adam, As putting everything on a ‘it doesn’t really matter’ basis goes against the instinctual drive of ‘self’-survival, it is to be expected that you “did not always have success”. Don’t let this discourage you, if you really want to become happy and harmless. ADAM-H: ‘I’ have some resentment that the method and the goal are the same thing, because it doesn’t give me something ‘I’ can do to maintain but reshape my influence. Techniques that allow ‘me’ to assert something unique and special about ‘me’ are much preferred haha. VINEETO: Ah, have you considered how feeling happy and harmless, even when 23hrs a day, compares to being spontaneously felicitous and innocuous every moment of your life? This is not merely a difference in degree but a qualitative difference in kind, so much so that it is inconceivable/ incomprehensible and unimaginable/ unbelievable to any identity whatsoever. It is entirely outside of ‘my’ territory. Is the resentment that you will need to accustom yourself to the permanent living of actuality or else it would blow your fuses? Richard: ‘After living in the condition of virtual freedom for sufficient time to absorb all the ramifications of a blithesome life, it is highly likely that the ultimate condition can happen. ‘I’ do not make it happen, because ‘I’ cannot make it happen. What is more ... ‘I’ am not required to make it happen. An actual freedom happens of itself only when one is fully ready, and not before. One has to become acclimatised to benignity, benevolence and blitheness, because the purity of the actual is so powerful that it would ‘blow the fuses’ if one was to venture into this territory ill-prepared. To precipitously apprehend the vast stillness of infinitude would be too much, too fast, too soon ... one could go mad with the super-abundance of pleasure that pours forth’. (Richard’s Journal ©1997 The Actual Freedom Trust. Page: 150). Or is the resentment perhaps that you, the interloper, intend to rule the roost for the rest of your physical life with all the misery and mayhem that this entails? ADAM-H: However, when ‘I’ keep in mind what it is like for me and others when everything is on a preference basis, even ‘I’ can get on board with it after some coaxing. It’s evident though, that it puts me on a direct course for self-immolation. VINEETO: Ha, a reluctant agreement “after some coaxing” … and then the instant ‘self-immolation-card’ presented as the ‘worst case’ fear-scenario. Remember, “illegitimi non carborandum”. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Chrono2, 2 October 2025). Cheers Vineeto
Selected Correspondence Index | Actual Vineeto’s Correspondence Index
Actualism Homepage
| Actual Freedom Homepage

Freedom from the Human Condition – Happy and Harmless

Vineeto’s & Richard’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust: 1997-
. All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer and Use Restrictions and Guarantee of Authenticity