Please note that Vineeto’s correspondence below was written by the actually free Vineeto
> (List D refers to Richard’s List D and his Respondent Numbers) Vineeto’s Selected Correspondence Living Together June 11 2025 SONYA: So I’ve been keeping the experience of that ‘ah ha!’ moment at the front of my mind. The seeing that everything is happening on its own accord without ‘me’ actually deciding anything has been pretty relevant for me lately. I mostly find myself loosening the ‘reigns of control’ when I’m driving and noticing how easy everything is and how much more fun I am having when I let go a bit more. It’s realising experientially, bit by bit that it’s actually better in every way to step back. I notice that it’s when ‘I’ pop up and start planning/ scheming is when the light/ fun flavour of the world around me dulls. It’s like I’m seeing the world through different lenses depending on how much ‘in control’ ‘I’ am. VINEETO: Hi Sonya, This is a great discovery and one which stands you in good stead every time you remember “to step back”. Being more and more naïve makes life not only easier but so much more fun! SONYA: Just in time to walk down the aisle this weekend haha. VINEETO: Congratulations to both of you – you both have the tools, the commitment and dedication to live together in peace and harmony. SONYA (to Kuba): I do notice that I have also found it harder to hold on to being serious. There have been a few fleeting moments when ‘I’ have felt I needed to be serious and be upset about something and one look at you grinning at me in playfulness and it all just dissipates. What a waste it would be to be serious and upset when I could enjoy this moment with you. VINEETO: Hehe, it’s such fun to have a happy playmate and you already noticed and reported that you can have this non-serious enjoyment with other people as well. It is indeed contagious. SONYA: The only time we seem to argue is usually when I’m on my period but notably a couple weeks ago when I had my period you didn’t notice at all which is a big YAY! Now to keep it consistent. VINEETO: You might like this section from Richard’s journal, which I found while looking for something else, revelling in the delights of peaceful and harmonious companionship – Richard: From where I am sitting I can see into the carpets, bedding, pillows and curtains, it looks snug and inviting. Light, seeping from the curtained portholes, casts a cosy glow around the hulls, reflecting this exquisite home as it sits safely upon the inky-black water. I am indeed having a wonderful time ... and it is a well-earned wonderful time, too. Nothing has come without application – apart from some serendipitous discoveries because of pure intent – and my companion and I am reaping the rewards. The dividends resulting from taking the risk are plentiful and deliciously satisfying. The abandonment of the mystique freed me up to a world of actual splendour, based firmly upon sensual and sexual delight. The actual and unabashed enjoyment of our bodies and the world around us is such a luscious and immediate experience, that the tantalising but ever elusive promise of the mystique is slowly fading into the oblivion it deserves. Somewhere, shrouded in the Mists Of Time, humans were deprived of their birthright; their exquisite sensual and sexual joy was usurped by the mystique. With its unfulfillable covenant – its promise of an ineffable, never to-be-explained, unfathomable core of Mystical Bliss – mystique had become the successful repressor of human being’s genuine sexuality and sensuality. This easily explicates just why, throughout the ages and the cultures, both men and women have been repressing a woman’s sexuality. In the western societies the more obvious ‘reasons’ for repression are no longer valid: every woman is well-educated in genetics, is basically able to live independently of a man’s financial support, has easy access to contraception and, with the advent of modern medical discoveries, has no need to succumb to the “old wives’ tales”. This made me question why the repression continues. This made me ask why, in most orthodox sexual information, the emphasis is still only on menstrual cycles, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy procedures and a clinical description of the genitalia. Why is it that mothers – and fathers too, for that matter – do not talk about the excitement of the sight and touch of an aroused penis? Or the titillating feeling of erect nipples? The crawling, tingling, tickling sensation in the lower belly? The warmth of the vulva which opens to the moist and full coloured lips? Why are parents not revelling in talking about the glorious sensations when touching, stroking, licking, rubbing, pressing ... the acutely responsive clitoris ... the readily excitable penis ... the increasingly juicy tension building up … unabashedly wallowing in the sensual and sexual world of purely sensate physical delight. The answer was both clear and simple: people would rather be Sacred than actual. (Richard’s Journal, Article Two) Enjoy, and then some more. Cheers Vineeto July 2 2025 SONYA: So I’ve constantly been having a few thoughts in the back of my mind that keep popping up so I thought Ill try write them down and try to figure out what’s going on with love for me. I would say largely that love is out of the picture for me. I see to an extent that love is a double edged sword and doesn’t deliver the goods. To me, it’s a heavy, serious, sickly and always made me feel icky. I would say I’ve never fallen balls deep in that kind of “romantic” love. It would “give me the ick” when someone would fall in love with me. So, when I met Kuba and he said he wasn’t interested in love that was ideal. Fast forward into our relationship, loving feelings of course began to develop for the first time. Being 19/20 and still figuring out a lot about life, this new whirl wind of feelings hit like a tonne of bricks. Kuba and I never really fed into the loving feels but they were still somewhat there for me. Of course from it arose insecurities, expectations, control etc. I found that I was losing myself to some extent, I would do things out of love and if it wasn’t reciprocated I got upset. Each time that conflict or bad feelings would come up because of love I dismissed it and brushed it under the rug. I think cause we never really talked about it and I didn’t see the sense of it to a certain extent, it never grew past a certain point but it was still there. VINEETO: Hi Sonya, You really describe well how all the feelings under the umbrella of love are actually being in the way of feeling happy and harmless, of enjoying and appreciating being alive. And then how you looked at them, and more and more discovered that it makes simply no sense to keep having the same expectations resulting in the same disappointment, because of the ‘narrative’ of love. SONYA: I did eventually manage to eliminate most of it when I realised that I was getting upset and keeping love around by relating to Kuba as my ‘boyfriend’ and being in a ‘relationship’ with him. That came with all the expectations of those roles that I put on him and myself and that included the loving feelings. I think after realising that and freeing myself from those expectations and Kuba from my expectations from him I was able to stand on my two feet a bit more and interact Kuba in a fresher way. Less expectations, more fun, light, playful. I thought the job was done. Nope I was reading “A Bit of Vineeto” today when the below clicked for me. ‘Vineeto’: … love changed into the subtler version of feeling ‘connected’ … (Actualism, Vineeto, A Bit of Vineeto, #love2). VINEETO: This “feeling ‘connected’” can have different flavours, and only what prevents you from enjoying and appreciating at this moment needs to be looked at this moment. If relying on Kuba makes you insecure then you already know how you can do something about it. It’s a matter of actualising your insight. When you sharpen your affective awareness and tend to each obstacle, each interference preventing you from being gay and naïve, then you will see how the strong “feeling ‘connected’” eventually weakens and disappears altogether. It’s often only a habitual way of being which you can change once you notice it. SONYA: The main crux of love was largely diminished but I am still feeling connected to him. My feelings are still influenced by how he’s feeling. For a while I could say that I wasn’t in love with Kuba but there was something still there that was in the way of experiencing him directly without tinted glasses and I think it’s the feeling of being connected. I am not yet standing on my own two feet and still looking to Kuba to hold my hand. VINEETO: You also said – Sonya: I kinda realised that it was always like this, that ‘I’ haven’t really been making any decisions this whole time and things were just happening. It was almost like the most obvious thing ever. (20 May 2025) You can follow the lead of your “ah ha!” moment (11 June 2025) and others which came after, easing the control bit by bit, and then things start falling in place of their own, in line with your intent/ commitment “to live life with you in the most fun, exciting, wholesome, fulfilling way” (16 April 2025). SONYA: I’d like to say that I also feel like such a fraud being in very feminine spaces and not believing in love, it does feel a little lonely at times but I also know I can’t go back to believing in it after seeing it for what it is. VINEETO: That’s excellent that you know you can’t go back, and the original unfamiliarity will soon pass because you are discovering something better than “believing in love”. You can explore more and more being vitally interested, appreciate, enjoy the other’s company, be fascinated of what he or you are saying next, doing next … and explore more and more intimacy free from the burden of love. And have fun (love is really a very serious business). SONYA: For me it was seeing what someone was like when they were in love, and how someone who cared for me but wasn’t in love with me behaved. For the latter, we were both still living our own lives but didn’t fall into the typical ‘roles’ which meant less expectations and less resentment. In fact, there was just more caring and less control, manipulation. I think originally there was still some scepticism into exploring what a partnership will be like without love but I can say experientially it’s the way to go. I also had to keep in mind that we weren’t just eliminating love but replacing it with something better and care and appreciation had to be at the forefront. VINEETO: For someone who says she feels “a little lonely” for “not believing in love” you are quite eloquent in how many benefits the alternative way of relating has. Who knows, you might even infect others with stories of making a success of your partnership. Cheers Vineeto July 10 2025 CHRONO: I applied this the week prior when my partner and I had a disagreement of sorts. Basically she was upset that I had not drove her home in the morning. I woke up and asked her (admittedly reluctantly) if she wanted me to drive her but I was too hesitant in just getting up and taking her due to my tiredness. Afterwards when I asked her if something was wrong she would say no (all the while the vibe was that something was wrong). After a few days she finally explained it after some prompting. There was the usual fear within me of where even with these disagreements I start to feel ‘oh so this is the end of the relationship’. She wanted me to reciprocate or do something for her in some way to show her that I am sorry (despite me already apologizing). I immediately thought that may be what she wanted was for me to suffer as well. But I declined going down that road. I asked for her part to communicate if she was feeling less than good and say if she doesn’t feel like talking about it at the time. She first said that she felt a little better just expressing her upset. Then after some eating, she was able to reason out that I had already helped her with her move to her new apartment and that she couldn’t ask for more. Throughout this I had the temptation to feel bad along with her because it seemed callous otherwise. I did end up falling into a bout of it but I was able to clearly see its workings while it was happening. It was rather insightful when I told her that I felt like I needed to suffer and she responded with ‘I’m not sure what I can do about that’. Some part of me feels that to suffer for another is caring. Another way that this ‘put others before oneself’ manifests. It’s a deceitful tactic to being more self-absorbed. Actually I am finding that relationship itself or perhaps this “connection” with another person hinges on this way of operating. Because when I contemplate feeling good come what may in this kind of scenario, a fear of the end of the relationship comes up. But I continually find that my partner much more enjoys when I feel good. VINEETO: A fascinating process – especially as you described that “throughout this I had the temptation to feel bad along with her because it seemed callous otherwise”. You could see that “relationship itself or perhaps this “connection” with another person hinges on this way of operating”. The alternative to “relationship” and “connection” with their unwritten implicit implications is being as sincere and naïve as you can allow yourself to be. As Richard describes it in a long correspondence with Martin – Richard: So, bearing in mind the distinction betwixt the near-innocent intimacy of naïveté and the affectional intimacy of romance lore and legend, as clearly demarcated in the two preceding email exchanges, plus the footnoted account regarding feeling-being ‘Grace’s oft-repeated observation (about a bifurcation manifesting upon the onset of the third stage), then ... yes, steadfastly being as true to an imitation of the actual as is feasible (i.e., staying as faithful as is imitatively doable to actuality) and thus unwaveringly liking one’s fellow human creature/ one’s fellow human creatures – despite that instinctual urge, drive, impulse, or any other similarly blind appetitive craving/ longing/ desiring for an affective-psychic coupling or bonding form of consummation (i.e., merging, blending, fusing, uniting, or any other state of integration, unification, oneness, nonduality, and etcetera) – is a significant feature in the enabling of the IE’s delineated in the first of the two preceding email exchanges. (…) Put succinctly: as all what blind nature is concerned about (so to speak) is the survival of the species – and even then any species will do as far as blind nature is concerned – then it is patent that blind nature cares not a whit about any such finesse of focus being articulated here. (Richard, List D, Martin, 6 Mar 2016) The whole correspondence is a fount of information on the third alternative to suffering together and callousness. Cheers Vineeto July 11 2025 SONYA: I’m just popping this on here cause this has kinda been an ongoing issue that pops up for me quite often and I’m getting sick of it It’s gonna look a bit mental but it’s just word vomit I am trying to make sense of so any help would be appreciated. 11/07/25 – Got upset because I FELT (feeling not fact) Kuba was blaming me for not being able to take jobs on the weekend (…) He changed his mind/ job requests came in – nothing I can do about it/ I did what I could so he could decide what he wanted to do on Friday… so why do I feel blame? – VINEETO: Hi Sonya, What you report is quite a complex situation for you. Hence it might be useful to peel it like an onion. First you report there are the feelings of upset and then blame. Have you noticed how these are almost always come one right after the other, almost indistinguishable from each other. But they are two different feeling. You felt upset because your plans/ expectations were disrupted and then you find someone to blame for the ‘damage’ done. This is the usual automatic instinctive response (so don’t blame yourself), but with diligent and fascinated attentiveness to how you experience yourself each moment you can separate them out. Then, still feeling bad, you endeavour to fix the problem but whatever you do does not help you feeling good. Hence, at this point it would be best to first get back to feeling good yourself while it’s still emerging before complicating it further with reactive action. SONYA: Responsible for how he is feeling? I feel he is now annoyed so now I am no longer happy (because I feel we are connected?) I feel responsible, have a thing about being in trouble/ told off. Authority as well maybe? VINEETO: You talked about this before, that because you like to “feel connected” you therefore “feel responsible for how he is feeling” and you try to make him happy. Yet by focussing on making the other happy you overlook/ ignore how you feel. Also, you don’t know for a fact if he needs help – it is simply an automatic feeling response. Because you feel bad you infer that he is “annoyed” and respond accordingly. He could well have been “annoyed” but then that is first and foremost his own responsibility. SONYA: I feel responsible, have a thing about being in trouble/ told off. Authority as well maybe? VINEETO: I only listed the sequence of events so you can look out for the smaller triggers and in future avert the (so far) inevitable conclusion (“I feel responsible”). It’s a habitual response and you have already found one cause – you want to be responsible because it gives you a connection – it is also possibly that it is an old survival technique acquired when you needed it. But when you get a chance to sort out facts from feelings you might find that it’s no longer needed for your survival but more likely a habit which you can question and replace with something better – a naïve intimacy perhaps? SONYA: This is similar to Ian’s post in some ways but I can’t quite get to seeing the belief for what it is. VINEETO: What Ian did and reported a few times, he recognized that nobody else is responsible for how he feels. Taking back this authority to choose which feeling he wants to be (as in I am my feelings and my feelings are me) he can then look at his beliefs if they serve him to enjoy and appreciate this moment. Viz.: Ian: So I was just contemplating further what was holding this feeling… examining the belief in being a good employee, which has roots in being a good boy, which I had realised not only is rooted in fear of punishment but also in desire for reward, whether that is popularity or praise or both, and also somewhat in nurture… my loving nature wanting those I loved to feel good and not be upset or disappointed… I feel responsible for their happiness and wellbeing… I seek to be harmless but actually cause myself harm… If you exchange “being a good employee” for “being a good wife” then you can perhaps acknowledge/ recognize that you make both the rules for the “good wife” and then enforce those rules on both you and him and recognize that those rules are “rooted in fear of punishment but also in desire for reward, whether that is popularity or praise or both”. See if that makes sense for you. Cheers Vineeto October 1 2025 KUBA: Richard wrote in his journal that it is the man’s identification with authority as the ultimate and the woman’s identification with love as the ultimate which is what stands in the way of intimacy. Indeed I can see this is the case, with authority in my case. In that there is the ‘me’ that ‘I’ assert ‘myself’ to be in relation to ‘others’ – this I can see is an immediate obstacle in the way of intimacy. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Indeed, this is the instinctual and conditioned way – but now you chose to do it the other way, the third alternative. And intimacy is not assertive but inclusive, enticing, friendly, benevolent. Richard: Unless one can live with just one other person, in peace and harmony twenty four hours of the day, nothing is ever going to work on any other scale’. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 25b, 19 July 2003). Also, this snippet from Richard’s extensive articles on ‘Peasant Mentality’ caught my attention because it applies to all of one’s “relation to ‘others’” – Richard: Sure ... something [No. 32] recently posted is worth bearing in mind whilst you do so. Viz.: • [Respondent No. 32]: ‘The cherry on the top came yesterday – whilst watching television and having these thoughts running at the back of my head, all of a sudden it struck me, that not only is this earth a ‘free-range’ place in actuality but the entire universe is like this – that there is in actuality no *ownership* of anyone/ anything over anyone/ anything else – everything in this universe is literally free – as in, has no ownership... all ownership exists in the head in the ‘real’ world’. Sure ... something [No. 32] recently posted is worth bearing in mind whilst you do so. Viz.: • [Respondent No. 32]: ‘The cherry on the top came yesterday – whilst watching television and having these thoughts running at the back of my head, all of a sudden it struck me, that not only is this earth a ‘free-range’ place in actuality but the entire universe is like this – that there is in actuality no *ownership* of anyone/ anything over anyone/ anything else – everything in this universe is literally free – as in, has no ownership... all ownership exists in the head in the ‘real’ world’. (Richard, List D, No. 38, 31 May 2015). At some point you might find it useful to familiarise yourself on the topic, perhaps in instalments, because it relates to most, if not all of one’s social identity issues and thus being “a ‘someone in relation to others’”. Again, a “self-less inclination” in order to imitate the actual does away with the need for being someone, let alone asserting yourself and then it’s much easier to allow naiveté come to the fore which you had been shying away from. KUBA: I can see that in my life I invested into becoming a ‘someone in relation to others’, this is ‘my’ apparent individuality. So initially when allowing intimacy it seems as if I am giving up my very individuality, yet when I look at just what this ‘individuality’ consists of, it is based in separation. Whatever place ‘I’ have carved for ‘myself’ within the hierarchy it is actually what reinforces ‘me’ as a separative entity and gets in the way of intimacy. I can very much see that this has been ‘my’ major gripe with getting close to others, in that ‘my’ “splendid isolation” as Devika put it, would have to go. And for ‘me’ as the ‘high achiever’ this meant giving up all that ‘I’ worked for in order to distinguish ‘myself’. And so to consider allowing intimacy it is experienced as if ‘I’ am disarming ‘myself’, in that ‘I’ will no longer be a ‘someone in particular’ with the power and authority that this might entail. VINEETO: It’s a strange instinctual habit (though unavoidable at first) that when encountering a new possibility of being in a different, more intimate way, one first lists all the things you might loose if you do that, which when you look at those ‘losses’ closely they are not worth anything in regards to what you really want, certainly not the time to worry about it. Whereas you could nourish and foster a naïve excitement of a beneficial discovery operating – think of how young children are eager to learn about the world they find themselves in (until their enthusiasm gets more and more stifled and oppressed. This is the kind of naiveté albeit with adult sensibilities which is the next exploration, and don’t be discouraged when you feel a bit shy or foolish – it’s part of the package – as you quoted Richard in your next message. Just so there is no misunderstanding, lust is not the driver of longing for intimacy – Richard (to № 04): “(...) it is pertinent to note that libido (Latin, meaning ‘desire’, ‘lust’, and referring to the instinctual sex drive, urge or impulse to procreate and perpetuate the species) is not, and never has been nor ever will be, the driver of the longing for intimacy, the yearning for an end to separation, the vital interest in loss of self ... nor even the means whereby altruism trumps selfism”. (Richard, List D, No. 4a, 23 June 2013). Cheers Vineeto November 30, 2025 JOSEF: I always thought I would apply the actualism method and become more and more happy and harmless in my relationship. This was kind of the end goal. But in yesterday’s PCE it became clear to me that I could only act in my partner and I’s best interest if there is no relationship at all. The relationship is just another part of “me” with all of its problems. During the experience I was considering “my” parents, partner, brother, friends etc. But it just felt like “his” (“my”) life with his emotional hang ups. “My” home (with all “my” ideas about home) became just the place I’m living in right now. VINEETO: Ha, I can understand this very well. Living in peace and harmony with Peter was also ‘Vineeto’s’ entry point. Here is what ‘she’ reported – ‘Vineeto’: I am reminded of the time when my questioning was particularly pressing. I had been with Peter for a couple of months and in that time it became obvious that if I wanted to live with him in peace and harmony, I had to change, not only superficially but radically. I experienced that we could easily agree on facts – for instance the sensuous facts that sex is fun or which restaurant in town had the best coffee and lunch. We also had no problems agreeing on obvious empirical facts that could easily be verified. But as soon as it came to beliefs, opinions and feelings we often arrived at a loggerhead situation. In particular I discovered that my beliefs in Eastern religion were increasingly impossible to reconcile with facts that emerged from reading Richard’s accounts of his discoveries, from mutual discussions I was having with Peter and from my own inquiries, yet my belonging to the Sannyas community made this investigation rather scary. For a few weeks we avoided talking ‘about the war’ but soon that was not good enough for me – living in harmony with Peter was at the very top of my laundry list and I was unwilling to settle for the normal relationship, where what passed for harmony was only sustained by constantly monitoring a ceasefire and constantly avoiding each other’s no-fly zones. For that very reason I needed to find out the facts and I had to dig deeper into the ideas, beliefs and truth that I had taken on board and that I felt so touchy and defensive about. To merely change one belief for another was not an option. The need to find out as a certainty became so pressing that I began to ask more and more specific and sometimes very disturbing questions, so much so that one day I was distracted while driving and had a minor car accident. The following evening a crack in my beliefs became readily apparent, which resulted in my first major PCE. (Actualism, Vineeto, Actual Freedom List, No. 37c, 20.7.2003). Don’t you find it amazing (worth appreciating) that you start with one worthwhile goal – to live with your partner in peace and harmony – and the more you explore to make it work, the more you discover what this all involves? Now that you know with certainty, from the PCE, that ‘I’/ ‘me’ am the problem, you slowly dismantle whenever ‘I’ and ‘my’ demands, desires, objections, beliefs, etc. get in the way of being happy and harmless and enjoying/ appreciating being here. It’s not complex because it is only ‘me’, in ‘my’ variations, which is the problem. With your preference for a “self-less inclination” you have a clear compass where you want to go. Two hints to make it easier – always get back to feeling good before investigating an obstacle, and remember to be a friend to yourself. Cheers Vineeto December 9 2025 VINEETO: This is excellent. It takes a bit of getting used to it but when you remember Richard’s quote at the end of this message it makes it all so much more obvious that taking anything serious or emotionally urgent, as per the instinctual imperative, is well and truly a waste of time. CHRONO: I am glad that you pointed this out as an instinctual urgency as framing it this way has helped a lot too. Usually I have approached it as “OCD”. As this way of being does indeed look for problems or create problems (and subsequently try to solve them). The source of which is the “angst and agitation” which I’ve mentioned earlier. I’ve been applying the “it doesn’t really matter basis” to more and more things and it has caused some more ease and enjoyment. VINEETO: Hi Chrono, Remember that it is still the case of what you said before – Chrono: “everything in the real world is about ‘keeping my head above water’” And I replied that it was “in line with what Sigmund Freud classified as the aim of psychiatry: to return patients “back to a state of as near-normal functioning as possible (and ‘normal’ is categorised by Mr. Sigmund Freud as ‘common human unhappiness’)” (Richard, General Correspondence, Page 8, #shrinks). As such it is unreasonable to expect any more than keeping your head above water from counsellors and therapists. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Chrono2, 16 October 2025). The people who invented and use such labels like “OCD” to ‘diagnose’ various aspects of the human condition can only endeavour to ameliorate the symptoms, if that, but fail to diagnose, let alone treat, the root cause of the problem itself – the instinctual imperative common to all feeling beings. And the cute thing is that the solution to the human condition, an actual freedom, has been “classified as a ‘severe psychotic condition’ in the DSM-IV” by those very same professionals. (Richard, General Correspondence, Page 8, #shrinks). I am well pleased to hear that “applying the “it doesn’t really matter basis” to more and more things […] has caused some more ease and enjoyment”. CHRONO: This past week I went camping with my partner for the holiday and I noticed that she likes things in a very organized and specific way before she can relax. Otherwise she ends up becoming anxious or antsy. And that caused some frustration on my end as I prefer to do things in a leisurely way. But I saw that that was her way of being and that’s how she deals with it. She also does not readily share how she feels when experiencing a negative feeling as she needs time to process her feelings or she just keeps them bottled inside unless I really ask her. The sour vibe that stems from this causes anxiety on my end as it triggers my urgency to “fix” it. But I’ve already stated my preference to be open about feelings and/or talk through them. And only recently did I see that I’ve been adding fuel to the fire by going along with this way of being. It has been my main obstacle to feeling good now as I feel it to the core. Perhaps all of this is the very instinctual seriousness in action. So putting this on a “it doesn’t really matter basis” has been a huge help. Richard’s quote at the end highlights that I seem to lose sight of this fact of death and thus make everything serious. VINEETO: Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ noticed early into ‘her’ investigations into male-female relationships that men have the instinctual inclination to fix a problem when presented to them, while females are more instinctually inclined to want sympathy and understanding for their emotional problems (reaffirming ‘me’) rather than solving them. The only solution actualism has to offer is dissolution, in other words to become autonomous, so that a near-actual intimacy can ensue. Here are some experiential reports – ‘Vineeto’: What one leaves oneself open to are the myriad psychic tentacles of others in the form of imaginary scenarios and probabilities, not to mention ridicule and threats, to pull one back into the fold … that is until a clear-cut decision is made[1] that I will let go, once and for all, of whatever nonsense I am toying with at the time. [Emphasis added]. (Actualism, Vineeto, Actual Freedom List, No. 66b, 24.5.2005). [1] a clear-cut decision is made – ‘Vineeto’: The method of actualism can bring your attention to your senses, however if you are experiencing an emotion in this moment of being alive, the actualism method is designed to help you identify, label and explore the emotion and trace it back to the part of your identity that produces and maintains it. Once you have found the part of your identity that produces your emotion, you can cut the cord, dissolve the root cause of this particular emotion and return to being happy and harmless. This attentiveness can cut the roots of identity quite quickly for easy issues, but for more difficult deeply rooted issues the process may well take months, if not years – which is why persistence and patience are necessary attributes for an actualist. (Actualism, Vineeto, Actual Freedom List, No. 39, 21.5.2002). * ‘Vineeto’: My experience severing the relationship to my last boyfriend, which had not worked for years, was very different to being with Peter and taking my ‘self’ out of the living together. It took me a lot of determination and utter honesty, examining myself where I had hooks and ties still connected to him. My back-pressure was the thought: ‘What if he dies, what if he walks out on me tomorrow, will I be still happy and free?’ I did not want to wait until that happened to find out. So I ran that question again and again and found one bit of attachment after the other... One time I remember clearly, the experience was like cutting a thick cord that appeared to run from the bottom of my spine to his, like a telephone cord of sharing delight {and all other affective feelings}. Afterwards it felt like my very bone marrow was being drained out of me, most of my strength, determination and will to ‘fight for freedom’. A very strange experience, I was almost physically curling back into my self and became autonomous, not relying on him. Any need for emotional support vanished with that event. [Curly-bracketed insert added]. (Actualism, Vineeto, Actual Freedom List, Alan, 12.1.1999) I also found a fitting description from Devika in Richard’s Journal – Devika: Like a double-bind the defence of my social identity – of my ‘security’ – precluded me from sharing myself intimately with another … unless I was prepared to sacrifice my delicate ‘security’. Thus my emotional intimacies with others had left me bruised and disappointed and more defending of that what I identified with. I have now given up ‘my’ precious independence and its resultant “splendid isolation”. “I no longer have that yearning, gnawing feeling of loneliness and separation which can only conjure up a longing for its opposite. (Richard’s Journal, Article Thirty, p. 218). CHRONO: Also related, I saw in action how I create ripples by even wanting to share how I feel about my anxiety to her because it in turn activates some feeling for her. Even the very desire to share it is self-centric because if I’m being honest, the main reason I want to share is so that she will alleviate it through some commiseration. It does seem like the center of what a relationship is. But that never eliminates the original feeling. Only covers it up. And I realized that by trying to seek solace in this way, I end up reinforcing my way of being and also contributing to negative vibes. VINEETO: How right you are – you create/ feed/ multiply those negative feelings and their accompanying vibes by ‘sharing’ – a word highly valued in modern social circles – unless you share delight and appreciation. Cheers Vineeto
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Freedom from the Human Condition – Happy and Harmless

Vineeto’s & Richard’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust: 1997-
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