Please note that the reports and correspondence below were compiled by feeling-being ‘Claudiu’ while he was living an out-from-under-control virtual freedom. ## Claudiu’s Reports on living an Out-from-control Virtual Freedom Part Two July 10, 2024, 12:13 PM WEST vineeto: Hi Claudiu, claudiu: Journal Entry On July 2nd I had quite the initially-disorienting experiential realization. I was sitting at my desk at work, allowing the purity of actuality to manifest in all its wondrous magicality, and as I got further into it, I perceived more and more the core of ‘me’, and as it went deeper, I saw that at ‘my’ very core was… a core and essential “hopelessness”! An utter hopelessness that nothing will ever truly work out, an intrinsic fatalism, a woven-in defeatism. I was shocked to find it there, and together with seeing it there I also saw that it was simply not needed anymore – and this became rapidly disorienting as I experienced that part of myself unraveling. I experienced it like this core hopelessness was tying ‘me’ together, and now ‘I’ had split off into these four or five separate fragments with nothing tying them together anymore. Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 7 July 2024 vineeto: I read your Journal entry from this morning […] I am reminded of Richard’s description here, with the different circumstances, of course. […] It is truly wonderful what is happening all around. I can’t help but thinking there is magic in the air. :)) Cheers Vineeto Vineeto, E-mail to Claudiu, 8 July 2024, 2:07 AM WEST claudiu: Hi Vineeto, Indeed there is magic in the air :)) […] I was intrigued to read Richard’s report that you linked me to. I was actually realizing, my experience of first going out-from-control – just how much more intense and utterly world-shattering Richard’s would have been when he became actually free – and shortly before as well which I now remember having read that link again. It now makes experiential sense to me why Richard would have those 30+ months of cognitive agitation after such a tremendous event. Going out-from-control is a much smaller step than becoming actually free of course, but it is a shift nevertheless. It also makes sense why those who have become actually free since, haven’t experienced anything like what Richard did – because someone having already gone through it, and them learning about it before-hand, there is time for at least some of the ramifications to kick in and accept the radical new-ness. Today the realization has been that it simply doesn’t make any sense to feel bad – about anything, ever. What, really, is the point? It actually has no point at all. There is no “there” which feeling bad gets one to. It does not bear any fruit. It never delivers any of any desired goods. The most that can happen is you become illuded that you are accomplishing something, which when you snap out of it you realize you aren’t actually. It’s really a remarkable construct!! The only thing really holding it together is a belief that “it has to be this way” (well, I guess it’s something other than that as I still sit here not free yet :)). I suppose what I mean is that its only justification is ever itself only, it is only justified with reference to itself. Or better: ‘I’ am only justified with reference to ‘myself’. Or better: I am only justified with reference to myself (as I sit here not in a PCE :)) The most perverse aspect of it all is the utter resistance to seeing this, and the nursing of sorrow and malice to one’s very core and bosom, willfully fueling it and expressing it and imposing it on others – all when not only does it not have to be this way, but utter purity and perfection lies all around, that one can literally be swimming in! As I write it I sit here appreciating the fact that I have seen and understood all this, and it is truly wonderful and marvelous. The fact that I see it is so freeing, that not only is there a way out that is factual and actual, but I have seen it so thoroughly and am nearly there now. It is truly a blessing – no being or entity decided when I was born that I would get to where I am now, yet here I am. I have always considered myself lucky – lucky to be alive, to have the intelligence I do combined with a refusal to actually accept something until I have gotten to the bottom of it – a quality which I have nurtured and nourished and has served me well not only with actualism but with making my way through life in general as well. Born into a fortuitous circumstance with fortuitous genetically-inherited traits which have combined in a wonderful way, concomitant with a taking-advantage of these blessings as life has happened such as to result in me being where I am now. What a life!! Cheers & best regards, Claudiu Claudiu, E-mail to Vineeto, 10 July 2024 July 11, 2024, 7:28 PM WEST claudiu: Tuesday (July 9th) while falling asleep, I experienced an oddity that I wasn’t sure what it was. It seemed like some sort of a shift, and I quickly confirmed it wasn’t actual freedom. But nothing in particular seemed different as I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, as I went throughout the day, it seemed that the magicality wasn’t consistently there any longer. I’ve become increasingly sure that this is the case, and the best I can do is pin-point it to that weird July 9th shift-like feeling while falling asleep Tuesday. Interestingly it is not like all is lost. The purity and magicality is actually readily available still! I’m experiencing it again as I’m writing this now. I’ve been feeling again like I’m an impostor or a fraud, but upon reflection, from June 23rd to July 9th my experience of being alive really was very different. And it’s like I’m not really fully back to ‘normal’ yet, which is great. Actually what seems to happen is I want to avoid admitting something is off, but then when I finally do, together with that the magicality comes back. This is really driving home the point, especially as I write this now, that sincerity is the key! What is also different (as in not quite ‘normal’) is that I see that nothing has to happen in the external world for me to get back to feeling good. I wrote the following to Vineeto last night: claudiu: Today the realization has been that it simply doesn’t make any sense to feel bad – about anything, ever. What, really, is the point? It actually has no point at all. There is no “there” which feeling bad gets one to. It does not bear any fruit. It never delivers any of any desired goods. The most that can happen is you become illuded that you are accomplishing something, which when you snap out of it you realize you aren’t actually. It’s really a remarkable construct!! The only thing really holding it together is a belief that “it has to be this way” (well, I guess it’s something other than that as I still sit here not free yet :)). I suppose what I mean is that its only justification is ever itself only, it is only justified with reference to itself. Or better: ‘I’ am only justified with reference to ‘myself’. Or better: I am only justified with reference to myself (as I sit here not in a PCE :)) The most perverse aspect of it all is the utter resistance to seeing this, and the nursing of sorrow and malice to one’s very core and bosom, willfully fueling it and expressing it and imposing it on others – all when not only does it not have to be this way, but utter purity and perfection lies all around, that one can literally be swimming in! Claudiu, E-mail to Vineeto, 10 July 2024 claudiu: It’s like there is no “stickiness” to ‘me’ anymore. In the past if I felt bad it always (or often) felt like an insurmountable obstacle, like the feeling-badness is some external force that is tangible and can’t simply be addressed directly. But now I straightforwardly see that it is entirely a choice, and not only that but there is no “consequences” as in “punishment” by some external or universal divine entity, for feeling bad! It’s not a morally bad thing to feel bad, there is nothing that it is other than what it is, namely, feeling bad, and that is something that I can simply choose not to do anymore by realizing it is silly! It is really wonderful writing this, there’s this joyous and wondrous delight in doing so! Now the full flavor of that magicality is back and it’s a simple matter to see the way forward again. I would say now the reason I stopped is due to not having fully processed the ‘unravelling’ of me at my core. I know now more than I did before, experientially, that I will have to disappear in my entirety. The prospect is fearful. However, I have the tools to go forward now – tapping into that magicality, and, seeing that it is safe experiencing it as I do, and once fully established then going forward, further, bit by bit. Editor’s note: In hindsight, I classify myself as continuing to be out-from-control throughout this entire period, despite occasionally having had the self-assessment at the time of the experience of an out-from-control virtual freedom having stopped. For more on these “parenthesis” periods, see: . Truly it is a joy to be alive! Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 11 July 2024 July 12, 2024, 1:05 AM WEST vineeto: Hi Claudiu, […] The description of your experience – “I experienced it like this core hopelessness was tying ‘me’ together, and now ‘I’ had split off into these four or five separate fragments with nothing tying them together anymore” – was indeed a significant event. It somewhat reminds me of ‘Vineeto’s’ first public interaction with Richard on the AF list in July 1998 quite at the beginning of ‘her’ acquaintance with actualism – vineeto: […] I wanted to see what there is without fear and psychic world. And what there is magic, stillness, unemotional, no excitement and strangely enough no form. The best description I could come up with is the definition for an idiot: All the stubbies are there for the six-pack, but the plastic is missing that would keep them together! […] Senses are operating but nobody is seeing or hearing and then there is no difference between me and the desk I am seeing, no distance, no ‘I’. Last night I experienced life beyond ‘being’, in a strange way hollow, but very alive and sensate. Now I slowly, slowly can examine the plastic between the stubbies, what it is made of, because recognised it disappears. Sometimes it is fear, sometimes a feeling, sometimes a sense of continuity, of having past and future and definition. Vineeto, Actual Freedom Mailing List, 30 July 1998 vineeto: Even though ‘Vineeto’s’ experience is far from comparing with the significance of your own out-from-control experience so close to the finish line, Richard’s response is as significant as ever – richard: ‘What one discovers, time and again, is that the personal boundaries that one feels so safely protected by, are made up of ‘my’ accrued beliefs as to who ‘I’ am. This is ‘my’ outline … yet the outline of this construct creates an enormous distance between ‘me’ and the world ‘outside’. At those times of peak experience, the distance disappears all of a sudden as ‘I’ vanish and this actual world is right here, so close that there is no distance any more. This is closer than any affective intimacy ‘I’ have ever longed for. This is a direct experience of actuality … and I have always been here like this … so safely here. The outline, the boundary that created the distance, was all in ‘my’ reality. ‘I’ created a substitute security for this original safety … a safety which has never known any threat, nor ever will. This genuine safety has no need for precautions’. It would appear that the experiential study of fear is germane to any examination of the ‘plastic between the stubbies’ so as to ensure a life beyond ‘being’. […] Richard, Actual Freedom Mailing List, Vineeto, 30 July 1998 * vineeto: Yes, I agree, although often it does not appear as fear, rather a certain hesitancy to fully enjoy the moment, to lash into the sparkles and to become yet more alive – a safe place of ‘this is already enough happiness and pleasure, let’s not rock the boat!’ But since I have nothing else important to do, I might as well rock the boat and become entirely mad! richard: It may not appear as fear but ‘a certain hesitancy’ and ‘a safe place’ and ‘let’s not rock the boat’ all go to indicate fear … in this paragraph the fear of going mad. Now, some people say: ‘Richard is mad’. From the real world point of view, this observation is entirely correct. The ‘Richard’ that was so very real back in 1981 was deathly afraid of experiencing where I am now … yet he opened the door marked ‘madness’ and walked through. Then he panicked at his daring and sought to go back … but the door had vanished. He had no choice but to proceed. There is a thrilling aspect to fear … and it is the source of courage. Richard, Actual Freedom Mailing List, Vineeto, 5 August 1998 vineeto: The whole exchange is well worth revisiting. claudiu: I was intrigued to read Richard’s report that you linked me to. I was actually realizing, my experience of first going out-from-control – just how much more intense and utterly world-shattering Richard’s would have been when he became actually free – and shortly before as well which I now remember having read that link again. It now makes experiential sense to me why Richard would have those 30+ months of cognitive agitation after such a tremendous event. Going out-from-control is a much smaller step than becoming actually free of course, but it is a shift nevertheless. vineeto: I can appreciate that you found Richard’s report of becoming free (after enlightenment) intriguing – I did so when I re-read it after many years just a month ago. I found the further one proceeds into an actual freedom the more we can appreciate just what an enormous daring and enterprise is was for the first person to do so, without information but a hunch here and there and nobody to talk to after he succeeded. Going out-from-control is indeed a significant shift – it is the deliberate and active dedication to go all the way, and a great encouragement for others to follow your example. claudiu: It also makes sense why those who have become actually free since, haven’t experienced anything like what Richard did – because someone having already gone through it, and them learning about it before-hand, there is time for at least some of the ramifications to kick in and accept the radical new-ness. vineeto: Yes, now we have a much clearer described path to an actual freedom and the infinitely safer direct route. claudiu: Today the realization has been that it simply doesn’t make any sense to feel bad – about anything, ever. What, really, is the point? It actually has no point at all. There is no “there” which feeling bad gets one to. It does not bear any fruit. It never delivers any of any desired goods. The most that can happen is you become illuded that you are accomplishing something, which when you snap out of it you realize you aren’t actually. It’s really a remarkable construct!! The only thing really holding it together is a belief that “it has to be this way” (well, I guess it’s something other than that as I still sit here not free yet :)). I suppose what I mean is that its only justification is ever itself only, it is only justified with reference to itself. Or better: ‘I’ am only justified with reference to ‘myself’. Or better: I am only justified with reference to myself (as I sit here not in a PCE :)) vineeto: Yes, I know what you mean. ‘Vineeto’ called it “gravity” which really meant the default position where all of humanity resides. For others is appears as “safety”, and they refer to the unsafe reality where everyone resides, “a belief that “it has to be this way””. It may look like as you say “I am only justified with reference to myself” if you whittle it down to the lowest denominator, but at its core it is the belonging to humanity, which keeps ‘you’ in place. Abandoning humanity is the penultimate step. richard: […] Then one takes the penultimate step … one abandons ‘humanity’. An actual freedom from the human condition then unfolds its inevitable destiny’. Richard, Actual Freedom Mailing List, Rick, 10 January 2006 vineeto: Here is another snippet of Richard’s conversation with ‘Vineeto’ on this very topic – richard: When it is understood that the one is the epitome of the many and that ‘I’ am the ‘many’ and the ‘many’ is ‘me’ … ‘I’ self-immolate at the core of ‘being’. Then I am this material universe’s infinitude experiencing itself as a sensate and reflective human being. A desirable side-effect is peace-on-earth. vineeto: What does it mean, when you say ‘I’ am the ‘many’ and the ‘many’ is ‘me’? richard: In the context that the quote was written, I was adapting my oft-repeated phrase ‘I’ am ‘humanity’ and ‘humanity’ is ‘me’ to fit in with the subject matter […] As I understand it, in the on-going study of genetics the germ cells (the spermatozoa and the ova) have been classified as being of a somewhat different nature to body cells. This has led to speculation that each and every body is nothing but a carrier for the genetic lineage … that the species, therefore, is more important than you and me or any other body. Now, whilst that theory is just a typically ‘humble’ way of interpreting the data, it did strike me, some years ago, that this genetic memory could very well be the origin of the immortal ‘me’ at the core of ‘being’ (as contrasted to ‘I’ as ego who will undergo physical death). Hence it occurred to me that the source of ‘who ‘I’ really am’ could very well be nothing more mysterious than blind nature’s survival software. I have always had a bent for the practical explanation … and solution. […] Yet it is the instinct for survival that got you and me and every other body here in the first place. We peoples living today are the end-point of myriads of survivors passing on their genes … we are the product of the ‘success story’ of fear and aggression and nurture and desire. Is one really going to abandon that which produced one … that which (apparently) keeps one alive? Do you recall those conversations we had about loyalty (familial and group loyalty) back when you and I first met … and what was required to crack that code? That was chicken-feed compared with this one. Richard, Actual Freedom Mailing List, Vineeto, 30 September 1999 vineeto: Upon reflection, it may well be that after the opening of the direct route it is something that can be done after becoming newly free. claudiu: The most perverse aspect of it all is the utter resistance to seeing this, and the nursing of sorrow and malice to one’s very core and bosom, willfully fueling it and expressing it and imposing it on others – all when not only does it not have to be this way, but utter purity and perfection lies all around, that one can literally be swimming in! vineeto: I fully understand your resistance to seeing this – you are not only going against the (natural) instinctual passions but the whole psychic web of all of humanity as well, including its atavistic components. Of course, it does “not have to be this way” and it does take daring and dedication, which you have plenty – and the ongoing experiential knowledge that the purity and perfection of the universe is with you all the way. Here you explain it yourself – claudiu: Actually what seems to happen is I want to avoid admitting something is off, but then when I finally do, together with that the magicality comes back. This is really driving home the point, especially as I write this now, that sincerity is the key! I would say now the reason I stopped is due to not having fully processed the ‘unravelling’ of me at my core. I know now more than I did before, experientially, that I will have to disappear in my entirety. The prospect is fearful. However, I have the tools to go forward now – tapping into that magicality, and, seeing that it is safe experiencing it as I do, and once fully established then going forward, further, bit by bit. Truly it is a joy to be alive! Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 11 July 2024 vineeto: It appears that one or all of those fragments, which had been tied together by hopelessness, have coalesced into fear – as the remnant of the core of ‘your’ being. This quote from Richard, which, even so written before the direct route was opened, may nevertheless give you some clues how to come out the other side – richard: A deep feeling of dread, the abject intuition of impending doom, is fraught with foreboding, be it a grim, dire, or awful presage, and this intensely apprehensive trepidation is symptomatic of the existential angst (the anguish of the essential insecurity of being a contingent ‘being’) which underpins all suffering. As such an occasion of profound dread is an opportune moment to plumb the depths of ‘being’ itself (‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being) … rather than avoidance through realisation of the portentous event as all manner of phantasmagoria can be manifested by such evasion. With pure intent one can enable a movement into the existential angst, rather than despairingly grasping at doomsday straws, which movement facilitates the bright light of awareness being shone into the innermost recesses of ‘my’ presence … which is ‘presence’ itself. Such an active perspicacity in ‘my’ moment of reckoning will reveal that ‘presence’ itself feeds off ‘my’ fear – it is its very life-blood as it were – and this functional acuity brings an abrupt end to its nourishment. Whereupon all-of-a-sudden one finds oneself on the other side of the wall (to keep with the ‘cornered’ analogy for now) with the hitherto unseeable doorway to freedom closing behind one and one is walking freely in this actual world where one has already always been living anyway. All what happened was that upon ‘my’ exposure dissolution occurred and the Land of Lament sank without a trace. Richard, Mailing List ‘B’, № 39, 21 November 2002 vineeto: The key words are “that ‘presence’ itself feeds off ‘my’ fear”, in other words, when the “utter resistence” is exposed with sincerety, which is indeed “the key”, this fear is diminished to the point where you are able to allow yourself to see “‘presence’ itself” in its entirety and “upon ‘my’ exposure dissolution occurred”. It is wonderful how you describe the process, how your awareness that “the magicality wasn’t consistently there any longer” and then pinpoint when it stopped and you realized that “I want to avoid admitting something is off, but then when I finally do, together with that the magicality comes back”. That is exactly how pure intent works, every time. It is truly magical. claudiu: As I write it I sit here appreciating the fact that I have seen and understood all this, and it is truly wonderful and marvelous. The fact that I see it is so freeing, that not only is there a way out that is factual and actual, but I have seen it so thoroughly and am nearly there now. It is truly a blessing – no being or entity decided when I was born that I would get to where I am now, yet here I am. I have always considered myself lucky – lucky to be alive, to have the intelligence I do combined with a refusal to actually accept something until I have gotten to the bottom of it – a quality which I have nurtured and nourished and has served me well not only with actualism but with making my way through life in general as well. Born into a fortuitous circumstance with fortuitous genetically-inherited traits which have combined in a wonderful way, concomitant with a taking-advantage of these blessings as life has happened such as to result in me being where I am now. What a life!! vineeto: Yes, your continuous appreciation together with your perspicacity and persistence to go all the way brought this very magicality back into your life. Cheers Vineeto Vineeto, E-mail to Claudiu, “magic in the air”, 12 July 2024 July 16, 2024, 10:26 AM WEST claudiu: Hi Vineeto, I wanted to share with you the wonderful resolution of my communication with a correspondent. They did not respond well to the last message I shared with you […]: [… snip messages expressing a clear whirlwind of emotion …] Soon after, they wrote a longer message […]: [… snip confrontational and aggressive messages …] I experienced this onslaught in a very interesting way that has been happening almost all the time lately when faced with such a thing. I recognize that the other person is upset or being on the ‘attack’, but it does not “get” to ‘me’. I don’t allow it to impinge on the perfection and purity that I experience. And then from that point I’m able to write the response, which in this case was: [… snip simple and straightforward response …] I was amazed at their responses […]: [… snip apologetic and conciliatory messages …] Normally all my life when someone posts something offensive to me and I respond, it only intensifies and gets worse. But lately the opposite happens, they calm down and retract. It’s a remarkable transformation! […] Allowing the purity and perfection as much as possible, living life that way, clearly has a tangible and amazing benefit to anyone I interact with, besides which my own life is unimaginably better! Actualism truly is “in the marketplace”, and what a wonderful marketplace the world can be with this spreading more and more. Best regards, Claudiu Claudiu, E-mail to Vineeto, “magic in the air”, 16 July 2024 July 19, 2024, 5:45 PM WEST claudiu: On July 17th, at some time during the day, I noticed that the new way of being out-from-control was happening again. It has been consistent since then, just like before :) In hindsight it happened shortly after I was able to see that actual freedom was indeed as flawless and perfect and peerless as I thought it was. This allowed me to fully endorse my journey towards attaining that myself, and within a few hours I was out-from-control again. The sheer level of refined purity, sweetness, intimacy and delight that is possible is quite astounding. And the degree to which I am seeing ever-more core details about the very structure of ‘me’, is greater than ever before. It can be quite alarming to actually experience a powerful affective current movement as being just that, a movement that does not originate or end anywhere, but which can clearly curl in on itself so as to form what appears to be a cohesive entity (aka a ‘self’), yet is nothing but an illusion borne out of that movement itself. But the ongoing purity serving as a backdrop, allows me to not become distraught and panicky as a result. I cannot recommend it enough. It appears to be the perfect staging ground to becoming actually free. What Vineeto wrote recently led me to realize this (emphasis added): vineeto: ‘Vineeto’s’ last question ‘she’ endeavoured to answer (one day before it happened) was – do I want to live *like this* forever (the *delicious, dynamic experience infused with ever increasing pure intent and experiences of sweetness*)? Even though the answer was clear, the moment Richard posed that question to ‘her’, ‘she’ still decided to check it out carefully. But the next day it was still the same answer – yes, of course, I want to live like this forever. claudiu: That is, I see now that the “like this” that I am living (further described as “the delicious, dynamic experience infused with ever increasing pure intent and experiences of sweetness”, which I can fully confirm from my own experience), is essentially a preview (albeit partial) of what actual freedom will be like. As Richard wrote on February 1st, 2012 (curly-brackets added): richard: And, speaking of which, the directors of The Actual Freedom Trust hereby recommend, publicly, that Tarin taps into that palpable life-force, that actually occurring stream of benevolence and benignity, which originates in the vast and utter stillness that is the essential character of the universe itself, because to be actually free from the human condition is to be that pure intent … as in, to be that benevolence and benignity *as a flesh-and-blood body only* {emphasis in the original}. Put succinctly: *there is no other way, than to be that* {emphasis added}, because there is no other actual freedom from the human condition (than being that). claudiu: In other words, to be actually free is to *be* that pure intent, thus the purity and sweetness and deliciousness that are the way I am currently experiencing pure intent, is a preview of what existence will be when actually free. I never considered that there was some continuity of the sort, I thought it was still there will be some big unknown leap at the end. And of course there is (I won’t know what it’s really like until I do it), but the gap seems to be smaller than I thought, based on that “live like this forever” from Vineeto’s recent report. Earlier today another oddity occurred that I think was the same oddity that knocked me out of it last time. I was also half-dozing off and it’s like a weird blip after which it seemed like ‘something in the center’ was gone, but it was the same as before, clearly not actually free, and it seemed to affect the out-from-controlness somewhat. I’ve come up with a tentative conclusion: that it is a “fruition” as I used to experience in my meditative days. There was some brief after-effect that seemed like a sense of euphoria or jubilation, which happened in both cases, and I remember happening after “fruitions” in the past. This serves as yet further evidence that meditative/spiritual paths are not only unhelpful for pursuing actual freedom but actively detrimental. This time around I used a conscious willpower to not fall out of the out-from-controlness this time around, and I am happy to say I did not! Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 19 July 2024 July 22, 2024, 12:03 PM WEST claudiu: Hi Vineeto, claudiu: Normally all my life when someone posts something offensive to me and I respond, it only intensifies and gets worse. But lately the opposite happens, they calm down and retract. It’s a remarkable transformation! vineeto: Ha, I am not surprised. You are writing with pure intent pouring forth with every word. Yet I am thinking of all the correspondents who were immune to Richard’s pure intent and I am wondering if it had to do with the threatening aspect of an actual freedom – the ending of ‘me’, ‘my’ very extinction. It was certainly a fearful aspect for ‘Vineeto’ together with ‘her’ perception/imagination that Richard could see ‘her’ in all ‘her’ rottenness. In other words, ‘she’ had something to hide, ‘she’ knew ‘she’ wasn’t supposed to be here. And that fearful aspect was there despite ‘her’ desire to become actually free – until ‘she’ went out from under control. Or it could be, as Devika once said, Richard does not acknowledge ‘me’, ‘I’ do not exist for him – richard: … my previous companion eventually became so disappointed by the lack of personal touch (as in ‘no-one to make a connection with’ so as to have a relationship) Richard, Actual Freedom Mailing List, № 25a, 15 June 2003 vineeto: You are speaking from feeling being (with pure intent) to feeling being (in a mess) – and look what wonderful effect this has. Use it and enjoy it while it last. claudiu: I think there is something to what you write here that a feeling-being that is out from control has this advantage. There is still a connection in the psychic web. The other can probably sense that I ‘received’ their malicious vibes, and yet did not react but instead reacted from this purity. This may have the effect of surprising them and having them change their tack. Whereas with an actually free person, there is nobody there on a psychic level, so it can feel like the actually free person is completely disregarding them (which they are, in a sense; on the other, you can’t disregard what isn’t there ), and I can see how that would allow people to dig in their heels even further. I am certainly enjoying it and will do so while it lasts :)). […] vineeto: I delight in the fact and thoroughly appreciate that your “own life is unimaginably better” and that you are able to pass on those benefits in your interactions with other people. It is truly wonderful. claudiu: Yes it is! With best regards and a tintling appreciation, Claudiu Claudiu, E-mail to Vineeto, 22 July 2024 July 23, 2024, 10:56 PM WEST claudiu: Everything is so fantabulous. Reading Kuba’s latest entry, I was wondering at my own experiencing and how it compares. I have continued to wonder whether what I am experiencing is indeed what is referred to by “out-from-control”. I had this thought that it seems like I am able to put the brakes on still – certainly there is some “waxing and waning”, the level of delectation and deliciousness is not constant but vibrant and dynamic. So then I thought ok, if I can put the brakes on then – let me do it! And I found – I *could not*! There are no brakes to put on . I thought this would be alarming, but it wasn’t, because I did not want to put the brakes on so it didn’t matter. However I do notice that my conscious attention can wane and then I find myself acting and feeling according to old patterns. So more properly I would say – whenever I am consciously aware of what is happening, it is not possible to purposely put the brakes on. But, if attention wanes sufficiently then old patterns emerge. But they do not have the same staying power as before. I just realized now as I’m writing this, I haven’t had to dig my way out of a hole for a while, which is how it used to be. Rather once I am aware again of what’s happening, I am aware with the benefit of that background purity and benevolence, which immediately lets me see the pattern for what it is, an illusory chimera, and then the full waxing delectation readily occurs. Interestingly I find myself contemplating extremely basic questions now, such as: “How do I know that this is enjoyable?” Have you ever asked yourself that? It was something I just took for granted before – this is enjoyable. But how do I know? And by asking it in this way, I then quickly saw that I knew because the experience of it was enjoyable. But really seeing it in this factual way is so delicious and makes it unquestionable as to whether it is enjoyable. I don’t know if I’m getting this across very well, but it is really simple stuff and very rewarding. Other recent questions: Is actuality really perfect? Do I really want this? These simple contemplations are accompanied by a deep richness and sweetness, that I remember happening in the past only on a rare occasion, a gem of a moment that would shine out around as if out from a muddy pit, whereas now that heightened level of magicality is a daily occurrence, available essentially whenever I want it, and this regularity of it occurring does nothing to diminish from it (as in getting habituated a la the hedonic treadmill) but rather remains utterly delicious in the very quality of it. Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 23 July 2024 July 27, 2024, 2:17 PM WEST claudiu: The momentum is certainly increasing. I have so much more emotional energy on a regular basis, and nearly all of it expressed felicitously, as an outstanding joie de vivre. I fully agree with the depictions of it here (emphases added): richard: (Being out-from-control/in a different-way-of-being is quite daunting to contemplate as an on-going EE marks the end of the beginning of the end of ‘me’ and the commencement of the actualism process – as distinct from the actualism method – wherein *a momentum not of ‘my’ doing takes over* and *an inevitability sets in*; in an on-going EE the actual world has the effect of *impelling one towards it* – like a moth to a candle as the overarching benignity and benevolence of the actual *increasingly operates* such as to render ‘my’ felicity/ innocuity increasingly redundant; this is where being the nearest a ‘self’ can be to innocence – the naiveté located betwixt the core of being and the sexual centre (where one is both likeable and liking) – *is attached as if with a golden thread or clew to the purity of actual innocence*; an on-going EE is, thus, where one becomes *acclimatised to benignity and benevolence* and the resultant blitheness because *the purity of the actual is so powerful* that *it would ‘blow the fuses’* if one was to venture into this territory ill-prepared). Richard, Selected Correspondence On The Dynamic, Destinal Virtual Freedom Viz: claudiu: […] The prospect of our meeting [in Australia] has certainly spurred my practice onward, and it seems like things are falling into place more & more. I do want to maximize the benefit gained from this visit, so, is there anything in particular I should do up to then, besides practice as sincerely and naively and tapping into pure intent as much as humanly possible? […] Richard [to Claudiu]: […] the best way to maximise the benefit gained from this trip is, of course, none other than what has become known as the actualism method … to wit: enjoying and appreciating being alive, each moment again, come what may. It really is that simple: all the rest – such as feeling as happy and as harmless as is humanly possible, each moment again, by minimising both those futile malicious/ sorrowful feelings plus their antidotal loving/ compassionate feelings (and, thereby, maximising the felicitous/ innocuous feelings via this sensible utilisation of the potency of affective energy), for instance, and by being as naïve as is humanly possible, in order to be naiveté (and, hence, be sensitive to and receptive of the overarching pure intent), via being sincere about achieving one’s goal (in order to, thus, be sincerity in action) of peace-on-earth in this lifetime, for example, concomitant to coming to one’s senses both literally and metaphorically – are the various ways and means of effecting that very enjoyment and appreciation of being alive, each moment again, regardless of the situation and the circumstances. Put succinctly: the means to the end – enjoying and appreciating being alive – are, therefore, no different to that end (the very enjoyment and appreciation of being alive) other than the former is, of course, affective in its nature and the latter is, quite obviously, actual by its very disposition. Lastly, the actualism method segues into what has become known as the actualism process when the actualism method has become so automatic, via habituation, that one is walking about in a state of wide-eyed wonder (naiveté) simply marvelling at being alive (sensuosity) and being amazed/ delighted that all this – the world about/the universe itself – is occurring in the first place; the actualism process is when it becomes more and more difficult to distinguish the difference between one doing it (doing this business called being alive) and it happening of its own accord; when one becomes the experiencing of being alive/of it all occurring of its own accord one is then out-from-control (not ‘out of control’ as in wayward) and a different-way-of-being has ensued. It all becomes rather magical (‘magical’ as in prestidigitation) after that. Richard, Private Corresponece with Claudiu, 30 October 2013 • [Dictionary Definition]: ‘clew: a ball of yarn etc. used to trace a path through a maze (as in the Greek myth of Theseus in the Labyrinth); a thing which guides through perplexity, a difficult investigation, an intricate structure, etc.’ (Oxford Dictionary). claudiu: and: richard: In effect, the actualism process is what ensues when one gets out from being under control, via having given oneself prior permission to have one’s life live itself (i.e., sans the controlling doer), and a different way of being comes about (i.e., where the beer is the operant) – whereupon *a thrilling out-from-control momentum takes over* and *an inevitability sets* in – whereafter there is no pulling back (hence the reluctance in having it set in motion) as *once begun it is nigh-on unstoppable*. Richard, Selected Correspondence On The Dynamic, Destinal Virtual Freedom claudiu: One note on the “blow the fuses” comment, however – although at times it feels like it is overwhelming and may be ‘too much’, nevertheless it never is ‘too much’. However these periods of increased intensity appear to come about unbidden, and even if I wanted to stop them (which I don’t) I’m not sure how I would. So, one has to be sure this is what one wants – I don’t think it would happen if one isn’t sure, in any case. And a note: one does not have to be 100% sure one wants to self-immolate, yet – I gather that if I were 100% sure it would already have happened. One just has to be sure one wants to take the next step, and that it is safe to do so. You don’t have to commit to the entire thing all at once. You just need to be sufficiently sure of the successes you have had so far, and that you want more in that direction – and then you can take the next step. Previously I thought that to be free I would have to sort of gather up all my intent and wits and make a ‘push’ into that direction and hope the stars aligned just right so that actuality can take ‘me’ away, or something like this. And then when I failed I would drop back down to a much lower level. Now I see that, although it does seem to be the case that one could self-immolate at any point, the more sensible approach is to continue up-leveling in that direction, until you are so “close” that it is just inevitably bound to happen. Everything becomes just increasingly obvious and straightforward and I wonder why people cannot see it. For example, the topic of a potential conflict with a partner came up. And it was so obvious: of course, the sensible thing to do in this case, is bring full awareness and understanding to everything about the situation, take everything into account, with full sincerity, consideration, and caring, and then actually take steps to address the conflict! I saw that in the past I would be reticent to fully delve into the problem, because of the completely nonsensical reasoning that if I fully saw that there was a problem, then it would bother me! In other words, I would rather bury my head in the sand and pretend it’s ok to avoid the emotional discomfort of dealing with the situation. And this is so utterly self-centered, it is literally me being self-centered and avoiding resolving an issue because it makes me feel uncomfortable! How utterly absurd. What I find increasingly lovely is becoming aware of and recognizing that I don’t need to plan out my day in the way I used to before. These thoughts come of oh I should do this or that today, and I realize I don’t have to keep these thoughts in mind as in to formulate a plan. I am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that I will end up doing what is sensible. I find that I end up doing essentially the same sorts of things I would be doing before, anyway, including stuff I didn’t plan that I just follow out of my own curiosity and predilections – whereas before I would feel guilty on top of it that I wasn’t doing what I “should”, now I don’t feel guilty at all, and I would say I actually end up doing more of the stuff I thought I “should” do anyways. It is win-win-win. It is also helpful to see the contrast between this and “normal”. I was just commenting to someone that when I water the garden, I like to revel in the sensuosity of it, the water dripping down the plants, the greenery, the delight of being outside and doing what it is I am doing. This was so obvious to me and delightful and obvious that anyone could do it, which is why I shared it, to encourage them to experience it that way too. And their response was that when they water the garden, they are just bored and annoyed about the hose being difficult to get out. It was such a stark contrast, and they did not pick up at all on what I was suggesting, as something that they, themselves could do. So it is good to see how far beyond ‘normal’ this is, as it is actually remarkably easy and natural to get accustomed to what I am experiencing now as being “normal”. And it is normal in the sense of it has become *usual* for me, but it is definitely not “normal” in terms of how the average person experiences being alive. Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 27 July 2024 July 29, 2024, 4:25 PM WEST kuba: So yesterday I understood this intellectually, today I had a glimpse of what this is referring to, that at the end of the ride there is no ‘me’ left, and that is a wonderful thing! Kuba, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 29 July 2024 claudiu: That is great to hear . For me realizing this I hit a bit of a speed bump. It was two nights ago. As I wrote in #187, the momentum was increasing and it was all scintillating and wonderful. It seemed like I had been riding this wondrous wave and sufficiently paving the way, so I set my sights on what will come next – the actual ending of ‘me’. Faced with this as the obvious next step, I hit upon a distinct patch of hesitation and “well hold on a sec”. This is something that I will actually have to do, which will mean the actual end of me – no longer a theoretical step at some point in the future, but something that actually will happen, or rather has to happen for me to attain my destiny. So the wondrous scintillation has dimmed since then, although out-from-control is still what I am. And I very distinctly do *not* want to fall out of this different-way-of-being. In other words, I firmly am *not* going back to normal. So it is a matter of staying where I am, in a sense, and actually checking out this latest objection. Very interestingly, when this would happen in the past I would experience it as being ‘stuck’. But I do not experience it as stuckness at all right now. It is just the next thing that is happening, and my experiencing still has that dynamic nature to it. Yesterday I spent a good amount of time on X (formerly Twitter) which is a surefire way to be exposed to horrible and terrible things happening in the world. I am particularly bothered by the egregious and willfully dishonest clipping of and taking quotes out of context to paint people as saying something very obviously different than what they are saying if one watches it in context. I put a lot of time and effort into trying to correct people, add the context, post a Community Note about it. The results were dismal – people that already saw it, saw it, and every person that engaged with me pushing back and maintaining the dishonesty, none of them change their opinions about it at all, even when presented with the clear, unmistakable facts. And so I came to see that what I was doing was trying to exert control over the world, to change other people to see what the facts are. And I saw it really just simply does not work at all. It reaffirmed that I actually don’t have control over this – meaning that my attempts to exert control in this manner, were a waste of energy. It made it starkly clear that this is not an alternative to actual freedom. Going out and spending energy essentially being an activist – it just doesn’t work. It is a tiny drop in the bucket, one feeling-beings contribution to a site with hundreds of millions of feeling-beings all fervently participating on it. Even if I had millions of followers – there are posters who do have millions of followers, and their replies are filled by people that vehemently disagree with them. One simply cannot control other people, it doesn’t work. It seems to mostly be out of my system now as I redirect my energy back to going further towards actuality. This is clearly the best way to actually make an impact on the world – by *being* that, and writing from that place, and then what I write may attract people which may go viral (perhaps), but that part is not up to me, all I can do is put it out into the world – and very obviously, the most impactful way to spend that energy is firstly to become free myself, and secondly to put that energy into the current active participants here, to help in whatever way that might help (which will be greatly aided by the most-impactful thing). Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 29 July 2024 August 08, 2024, 11:38 AM WEST kuba: So yesterday I understood this intellectually, today I had a glimpse of what this is referring to, that at the end of the ride there is no ‘me’ left, and that is a wonderful thing! Kuba, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 29 July 2024 claudiu: That is great to hear . For me realizing this I hit a bit of a speed bump. It was two nights ago. As I wrote in #187, the momentum was increasing and it was all scintillating and wonderful. It seemed like I had been riding this wondrous wave and sufficiently paving the way, so I set my sights on what will come next – the actual ending of ‘me’. Faced with this as the obvious next step, I hit upon a distinct patch of hesitation and “well hold on a sec”. This is something that I will actually have to do, which will mean the actual end of me – no longer a theoretical step at some point in the future, but something that actually will happen, or rather has to happen for me to attain my destiny. claudiu: The “speed bump” has turned out to be more of a derailment, which I am starting to get back on track now. I am glad to see others on the forum have continued with their successes, especially Kuba – so it doesn’t entirely rely on me . The interesting thing about this derailment, during which I have certainly gotten to the low levels of feeling bad and terrible and upset, is that there is no longer an element present of feeling stuck or resentful about it or that it ‘has to be this way’ or ‘woe is me’. In other words, consistently throughout is the constant experiential understanding that I am feeling the way I am feeling because of my choices, and nothing imposed externally whatsoever. This is very different than before. And basically at any point throughout the familiar experience of there being no brakes available could start happening. So although it took a long time to go out-from-control the first time, now it appears to be readily available at any moment. How wonderful! (I found a post of mine from 2011 on the DhO about affer-ism (which I thought was actualism), so at least 13 years from first exposure to actualism) The salient question then is why the train has been derailed for so long? Actually I’m realizing a “train on the tracks” analogy is not so apt as that implies a one way to do it, narrow approach, whereas it is more a wide & wondrous path… but the analogy can suffice for now. I can only draw it back to that seeing how continuing down this path will genuinely be the end of me. And when I thought of just getting back to feeling good and staying there as a first step (and not committing to the end per se), it didn’t work because I saw how that was just the first step in a series of steps that I would then follow that would then actually be the end of me. So I did not even want to go there – I can’t fool myself! What has happened to get me back on track (to the trackless wide&wondrous path), is seeing that nothing that occurred over the past 10 days has been anything of any value whatsoever. It’s like, ok, I “get to” avoid self-immolating, I “get to” continue (illusorily) ‘existing’ … and what is my reward? Feeling bad! Haha. It’s like playing a stupid game and getting a stupid prize. Combining that with the fact that it feels bad to feel bad, it’s just not a pleasant experience to feel bad, and there really is no reason to continue avoiding the wide & wondrous path, that is so readily accessible now. In other words, the only way to continue is forward, facing whatever resistance and objection full on, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be. In other words, avoidance is no longer an option. Then a key third piece to the puzzle was seeing that the reluctance to change comes directly from the loyalty to humanity and the fear of abandoning humanity. Besides being rotten to the core, there are rotten parts to me – as to all feeling-beings – aggressive and malicious parts. They will not actually disappear until self-immolation. Until then, they will remain latent – able to be activated and channeled and expressed on a whim. Now I am faced with the choice, to minimize those parts of me. And when faced with that choice, a voice comes on, a super cynical thought/feeling along the lines of “oh you can’t really change. you would just be fooling yourself, lying to yourself. you aren’t so foolish as to think you can really change, are you?” And somehow that thought was enough to browbeat me (me browbeating myself!) into allowing myself to continue expressing that malice rather than minimizing it. But now I see the reason for that – because by doing so I stay within humanity, I stay within the tribe. But if I actually change… I prove the entire mass of ‘humanity’ wrong! I break away from the tribe – which then is felt as immediately exposing me to danger, if that tribe were to then turn on me. The answer is a practical one of course: it is trivially easy to blend in and not expose oneself to this actual danger. The amusing thing is that everybody is so self-centered that they just assume everybody else basically thinks and feels like them. When presented with someone whose vibes either don’t exist, or exist but are not sorrowful or malicious, it intuitively registers as a “neutral” or “friend” rather than a threat – so they assume you are like them and there’s no problems. Finally the fourth piece was seeing how me being in this worse mood negatively impacts my partner and the other people around me. Even if I am not doing anything to express the mood. I will say something neutral in response without intending any malice towards that person, and people will understand from the vibes that I am upset, and then understand my neutral response in the framework of “upset person” and then assume what I said has to do with why I am upset and then try to react accordingly. It is terrible not just for me but for everyone. So here I am, now propitiously directed back towards the purity of the actual universe, which lies all around, abundant and evident. Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 8 August 2024 August 09, 2024, 4:32 PM WEST claudiu: How silly it is to be a feeling-being! I have a drive. I feel like I do not want to abandon that drive, because if I do it would mean I have no purpose. The fact is seen: ‘I’ actually do not have a purpose, just a biologically-inherited instinctual passion to perpetuate this body’s genes and ultimately the species. The above makes it seem like I want to have a purpose, because there is a reluctance to let go of the drive. However this neatly segues into realizing that there are sensible things I can be doing at work. There are tangible benefits where I am actually needed that would help the company accomplish its goals and lead to financial rewards for me. Yet then I react with this with not wanting to bear the burden of that responsibility of “having” to do those things! But was I not just one minute ago complaining about how I want to have a purpose? Yet when a purpose presents itself, I don’t want it because I don’t want the responsibility! It is just all silly. Bereft of care and consideration. It’s all sort of a sham, essentially. The path forward is obvious – accept that I am not needed, and appeal to that part of me that actually doesn’t want the responsibility. That part of me will benefit from not “having” to do anything! Then I can allow sensible things to get done, which is the natural state of affairs when I do not get in the way . Then it is win-win: there is no burden of responsibility, and the sensible things get done while I am free to enjoy what is happening. The things ‘I’ want to do will not necessarily get done, but those instinctually-driven desires do not necessarily make sense. They might – but if they do then it no longer needs to be instinctually-driven but will rather move up into sensible sensate consciousness where they will be evaluated to get done just like any other sensible thing. How delightful and easy :) Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 9 August 2024 August 11, 2024, 12:10 PM WEST jesus.carlos: Is it not rather that the commitment to actual freedom must be integrated into each of the different identities? kuba: So I have been considering this since yesterday and I still find myself disagreeing with this one. I have been trying to pinpoint exactly what it is, so here it goes. So the difference seems that what I am suggesting is to take all that commitment which I usually invest in the various roles and identities and instead turn it towards the commitment towards actual freedom as a priority. Which means enjoyment and appreciation comes first, everything else falls on a ‘it doesn’t ultimately matter’ basis. Your suggestion is to incubate each aspect of one’s identity with pure intent and then take this all the way through to an actual freedom. The problem as I see it is that the second approach will inevitably hit a wall, because I am trying to make the purity and perfection fit a mould which exists only in ‘reality’. In a sense I am working back to front, I am asking actuality to fit ‘my’ various roles and identities, and inevitably the whole endeavour is crippled. This is because those various roles and identities have goals and agendas which are ultimately at odds with actuality. What happens is those things which are ‘human’ end up blocking the experience of that which is outside of ‘humanity’. When one’s connection to pure intent is active it is not that those roles and identities have been fixed from the inside by the perfection and purity, it is rather that pure intent makes those roles and identities redundant, when advised by the perfection and purity ‘I’ am able to operate outside of that mould. It seems that in trying to go ‘through’ those identities one makes the same category of error that we saw in the ‘rift’ thread, where one tries to smuggle some ‘humanity’ into actuality. Whenever I experience a PCE I am always blown away by how magical it is, as in the actual world has not a trace of anything that is ‘human’ left, hence why it is experienced to be a fairytale like world. What I have observed in myself is that any trace of that which is ‘human’ is what stands in the way of experiencing the magical world that is the actual world. By the same token any investment into those roles and identities which exist only in ‘reality’ will be inevitably at odds with the commitment towards ending ‘humanity’ as a whole, because those roles and identities will be annihilated by such a step. It reminds me of Devika asking Richard to allow love into actual freedom, she wanted to save 1 aspect of ‘humanity’ and in doing so she saved the whole sorry lot. So what I am interested in is whether this attempt to incubate pure intent into the different identities and then go through them all the way into actual freedom is really just a clever way for ‘me’ to keep them alive, to save them, and in doing so the entire package is ultimately retained. Kuba, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 11 August 2024 claudiu: I think Kuba is on the right track with this one. Being ‘me’ is really a burden – and what ‘I’ am is a combination of all those various identities and personas (it is a myth that ‘I’ am ‘one’ persona, ‘I’ actually chimerically shift between different personas without even realizing it, and this seems to be common to everyone though perhaps some to a larger degree than others. I have a distinct memory of my usually very stoic, commanding, and consistently-persona’d business partner, watching him interact with his wife on and be flushed with a very obvious love and affection that suffused his whole demeanor.). The startling freedom that makes joy readily available is from no longer having to maintain or ‘be’ any of those identities. When it all disappears as in a PCE, the difference is so palpable and tangible. When a feeling-being, I can “see” that on the “other side”, once I am no longer having to maintain those identities, will be that palpable freedom and joy. So why not “just do it”? What obviously stops ‘me’ is fear – fear of what will happen when ‘I’ am not around to control things. So it seems the prudent approach is to accept the goal (self-immolation) and commit to doing the very best next sensible step I possibly can, which depending on where I am will either be: get back to neutral, get to feeling good, enjoy & appreciate feeling good, get to feeling great/excellent, increasingly allow the purity to operate, allow myself to let the controls be let go of, … and that’s as far as I have gotten so far Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 11 August 2024 August 18, 2024, 12:34 PM WEST claudiu: Hi Vineeto, Hope all is well! How have things been developing for you? I have not been able to get back to out-from-control, which will explain the lack of posts on the Discuss forum and lack of progress on putting together my earlier reports of when I was. This e-mail is part of an attempt to get back into it – what was the quote? Something about doing everything you can :) There is one point that I keep coming back to which I thought it better to just discuss with you to see if it can be helpful, regarding [… snip details …] The funny thing is that I already know this is not the actual main sticking point. I know this because when I go into an EE, I see that it really does not matter. But then when I go back to normal, I end up ruminating about it. So, although it is not the actual central objection, I figured I may as well do whatever I can to eliminate it :) At the end I will report my explanation of why I think it does not really matter, but as I still keep ruminating about it clearly something about it still bothers me, hence my writing this email. I am hoping as being an observer outside of my own head, as well as the other participant in the conversation, you can help me shed light on it. Also it seems the process of writing it all out helps me to put my thoughts about it in order too. [… snip details …] I guess the only real niggle that can possibly remain is why we weren’t able to see eye to eye on that point about [… snip details …]. It does seem silly to be harping on this over a year later, but here I am. Maybe the bigger issue is that I actually fell into the trap of believing whatever you or Richard might say – I was initially critical but then it seems like I sort of gave up and just believed you about this point rather than pursue what I thought was (and seems to be) a valid critique. I do remember feeling like that was part of it, that in the interest of smoothing relations and focusing on becoming free myself, it was better to just agree – and after I settled on that, I was able to get myself to see the merits of [… snip details …] and avoid looking at the downsides too closely, and I became good at rhetorically supporting the [point]… until I couldn’t support it anymore due to [… snip details …]. In a sense it means that I do actually have to stand on my own and not believe either you or Richard – but this is uncomfortable to do especially on a topic we actually spent a lot of time discussing. It feels like I am doing something ‘wrong’ by doing so, by questioning and ending up disagreeing with what Richard wrote […] But now that I write it it does seem a silly point to harp on… […] It certainly remains true that nothing about what I have experienced of actuality and pure intent indicates that there is anything even remotely possibly of being flawed or ‘wrong’ somehow, it *is* perfect, to be that is to be perfection personified […] And ultimately my objection comes down to not wanting to stop to be ‘me’ because of the feeling of fear and insecurity that brings – even though no longer being ‘me’ is the actual solution to that fear & insecurity! So, I will end here for now – what do you think about all the above? Cheers & best regards, Claudiu Claudiu, E-mail to Vineeto, 18 August 2024 August 19, 2024, 1:55 PM WEST claudiu: Talking with someone at length, I came to see that I actually have no responsibility whatsoever to change anybody’s mind! Editor’s note: This was written in reference to a visiting family member. I have no responsibility, or burden, to even change the world. ‘I’ cannot do it anyway. This is remarkably freeing. What I can do is the very best, which is existing in the most harmonious and felicitous manner possible given the world is as it is and people as they are (which entails deep flaws and utter horrors and unbelievable madness) – and present facts and opinions to people as it may happen, and thereby give anyone I come in contact with the best chance they can have to perk up and take in what is being presented if it interests them. And there’s really nothing else other than that! No responsibility whatsoever, how very freeing This also means, of course, that ‘I’ do not need to be in control for this… Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 19 August 2024 August 20, 2024, 10:53 AM WEST vineeto: Hi Claudiu, […] I read your email with great interest. This last part stands out – claudiu: Maybe the bigger issue is that I actually fell into the trap of believing whatever you or Richard might say – I was initially critical but then it seems like I sort of gave up and just believed you about this point rather than pursue what I thought was (and seems to be) a valid critique. I do remember feeling like that was part of it, that in the interest of smoothing relations and focusing on becoming free myself, it was better to just agree – and after I settled on that, I was able to get myself to see the merits of […] and avoid looking at the downsides too closely, and I became good at rhetorically supporting the theory… until I couldn’t support it anymore due to […]. vineeto: I understand that here you hit the nail on the head – “I sort of gave up and just believed you” and “in the interest of smoothing relations and focusing on becoming free myself, it was better to just agree” and your follow-up conclusion is equally spot-on – claudiu: In a sense it means that I do actually have to stand on my own and not believe either you or Richard – but this is uncomfortable to do especially on a topic we actually spent a lot of time discussing. It feels like I am doing something ‘wrong’ by doing so, by questioning and ending up disagreeing with what Richard wrote […] vineeto: You have come to what Richard called the “pen-ultimate step” in your actualism process – leaving humanity, i.e. giving up belonging. To maintain your sincerity you find that you can neither maintain belonging to the actualist camp nor the non-actualist camp nor any other camp. This realisation is naturally quite uncomfortable for ‘me’, both the instinctually felt need to belong in order to survive and the peasant mentality aspect of the social identity. Hence, of course, “it feels like I am doing something ‘wrong’”. I do understand your situation, even though the reason was quite different for feeling being ‘Vineeto’, when she went from out-from-control into 3 days of out-of-control. She believed that Richard was not actually free because of a stage-setting he had playfully suggested to ‘Vineeto’ and ‘Pamela’, which they both took literally and consequently panicked. In hindsight this event demonstrated that ‘I’ will do anything to survive and the greater the possibility for the ending of ‘me’ the more potent the obstacles can appear to prevent this event to occur… until no argument remains to shatter the confidence that living in the actual world is indeed what one wants for the rest of one’s life. As such you can consider the fact that this topic of belonging has now come so clearly to the surface as success and proceed to “stand on [your] own”, rely on your own pure consciousness experiences and draw confidence from following the direction towards which pure intent guides you. claudiu: But now that I write it it does seem a silly point to harp on… […] It certainly remains true that nothing about what I have experienced of actuality and pure intent indicates that there is anything even remotely possibly of being flawed or ‘wrong’ somehow, it *is* perfect, to be that is to be perfection personified […] And ultimately my objection comes down to not wanting to stop to be ‘me’ because of the feeling of fear and insecurity that brings – even though no longer being ‘me’ is the actual solution to that fear & insecurity! So, I will end here for now – what do you think about all the above? vineeto: […] I have deliberately not answered anything regarding your question itself for the reasons I laid out above and which you have come to see for yourself. Cheers Vineeto Vineeto, E-mail to Claudiu, 20 August 2024 August 20, 2024, 1:51 PM WEST claudiu: Hi Vineeto, I don’t know how to properly express how wonderful your email was. Any and all doubts surrounding this issue have completely evaporated upon my first reading of it. Interestingly while normally when ‘I’ would have a problem, when it is resolved ‘I’ would feel relief – I didn’t feel relief upon the resolution here. Instead it was more along the lines of an understanding and appreciation of “of course that makes sense”, and then a noticing that I am now experiencing myself the same way I did when I was properly out-from-control :)) It is funny because the current experience is such that I had been out-from-control the entire time. But until I read the e-mail, my experience of myself certainly wasn’t that I was out-from-control the whole time. But it is odd because I wouldn’t say this experience of having been out-from-control the entire time is misinforming me in any way… but I remember that it wasn’t like that haha. You may have some experience with what I’m talking about? I remember Richard saying something to me like, once you are actually free your experience is like you have been like that your entire life. I said something like, but that is very strange because you weren’t like that your entire life – and he agreed that it is very strange (he emphasized the “very strange”). vineeto: You have come to what Richard called the “pen-ultimate step” in your actualism process – leaving humanity, i.e. giving up belonging. To maintain your sincerity you find that you can neither maintain belonging to the actualist camp nor the non-actualist camp nor any other camp. […] As such you can consider the fact that this topic of belonging has now come so clearly to the surface as success and proceed to “stand on [your] own”, rely on your own pure consciousness experiences and draw confidence from following the direction towards which pure intent guides you. claudiu: Yes, it is exactly like you wrote here: to maintain my sincerity (a perfect depiction) I can no longer agree or even pretend to agree with something, anything, that I don’t genuinely and fully think is the case. I’m getting tears in my eyes now and shivers on my skin as the ramifications of just how perfect this situation is sink in. This is the case regardless of who says it, be they actually free or a feeling-being, even if they are the initial progenitor of this totally new way of being conscious. A necessary caveat to be thorough is that of course if I’m out in the world with people as they are and there is some possible confrontation where the most sensible thing is to pretend to agree, then of course there is no reason at all to not do that :) Editor’s note: A better way to express this is Richard’s phrase “pay lip-service to”. An apropos usage of the phrase eventuated whilst discussing the topic of peasant mentality in 2015, viz.: Claudiu: Oh I found the concept of the peasant mentality really awesome actuality. [... snip explication ...] Richard: G’day Claudiu, [... snip further explication and examples ...] Which neatly brings me to the point of detailing these above examples: understanding the ‘whys and wherefores’ of peasant-mentality is not about effecting social change but being free of it in oneself. In the seventh paragraph of ‘Article 20’ (appended further below) I have highlighted the relevant sentence. Viz.: • [Richard]: Astonishingly, I find that *social change is unnecessary*; I can live freely in the community as-it-is. [endquote]. In other words, one is then free to conform with the legal laws and observe the social protocols – to ‘go along with’, to *‘pay lip-service to’* {emphasis added} – whilst no longer believing in them. ‘Tis a remarkable freedom in itself – with no need to rebel at all – as all rebellion stems, primarily, from that deeply-held primordial *feeling* of disfranchisement (and its associated feelings of resentment, envy, cynicism, and so on and so forth). Regards, Richard. The full exchange is well-worth reading here: . I find now that there’s no need at all to address the specific contents of the [topic], whether it is how the past conversation went or what you or Richard may have thought or what you may continue to think about it. It’s really very simple – we can disagree! It’s not even a matter of “agreeing to disagree” like some like to say. We can just straightforwardly disagree! Why not? And if we both thought it was really important we could discuss it at length, but if one or the other or both thinks it’s not worth putting the time in then it really doesn’t matter. Disagreeing about the [topic] certainly doesn’t cast a shadow on anything related to actualism itself. Reading the answer again now to “Why do Richard and Vineeto discuss topics which are not related to actualism?”, I see it does not even cast a shadow on either you or Richard’s abilities to “differentiate between the facts and factoids which are so prolific in current-affairs” or “descry factuality amidst fantasy in everyday interactions” or “draw[] distinctions amongst the lies, the bull, and the truth in the political arena” or “distinguish in a ready manner how subjectivity differs from objectivity in daily appraisals of[] outer-world reality”. You had good reasons to have the understanding you did. I did not have the best arguments […] and I basically chose to drop out of the conversation rather than pursue it (which was my choice). When I did present you with some […] evidence and explained it carefully, you readily accepted it. I don’t know what would happen if we continue the discussion but it doesn’t seem relevant anymore from my perspective at this point. It is all just so wonderfully perfect, simple and straightforward, and now there is even less in the way preventing me from fully endorsing with all my being this pristine purity that is now readily flowing once again. […] Cheers & best regards, Claudiu Claudiu, E-mail to Vineeto, 24 August 2024 August 21, 2024, 9:57 AM WEST vineeto: Hi Claudiu, claudiu: I don’t know how to properly express how wonderful your email was. Any and all doubts surrounding this issue have completely evaporated upon my first reading of it. vineeto: This is excellent. And yet all I did was confirm what you had already written and understood but were perhaps not fully aware of its significance. claudiu: Interestingly while normally when ‘I’ would have a problem, when it is resolved ‘I’ would feel relief – I didn’t feel relief upon the resolution here. Instead it was more along the lines of an understanding and appreciation of “of course that makes sense”, and then a noticing that I am now experiencing myself the same way I did when I was properly out-from-control :)) vineeto: Yes, I understand this phenomenon – when ‘Vineeto’ came back to ‘her’ senses after being out-of-control ‘she’ was right back into being out-from-control and at the doorstep of becoming actually free (which happened three days later), like having closed a parenthesis or finished a short interlude. claudiu: It is funny because the current experience is such that I had been out-from-control the entire time. But until I read the e-mail, my experience of myself certainly wasn’t that I was out-from-control the whole time. But it is odd because I wouldn’t say this experience of having been out-from-control the entire time is misinforming me in any way… but I remember that it wasn’t like that haha. You may have some experience with what I’m talking about? I remember Richard saying something to me like, once you are actually free your experience is like you have been like that your entire life. I said something like, but that is very strange because you weren’t like that your entire life – and he agreed that it is very strange (he emphasized the “very strange”). vineeto: I had the same experience when I became newly actually free – that I had been like this all the time even though my memory told me otherwise. The actual body is here all the time and has its own memories but all had been covered up, overlaid, by the instinctual passions and the identity formed thereof. As such, you are not starting a new, not even an unknown, life when you become actually free – you are finally able to live out in-the-open what you have always been, and experienced in your PCEs as wanting to always be. Hence Richard says in my favourite quote of his journal (Article 25) that “One has to be daring enough to live it … for it is both one’s audacious birth-right and adventurous destiny”. claudiu: Yes, it is exactly like you wrote here: to maintain my sincerity (a perfect depiction) I can no longer agree or even pretend to agree with something, anything, that I don’t genuinely and fully think is the case. vineeto: A second caveat to watch out for is that sincerity is not what is commonly understood as honesty, i.e. telling everyone what one (honestly) thinks of/feels about them. Also the social identity still operating has to be taken into account, even after being newly free, which can often dictate the parameters of one’s (sincerely held) values. Leaving behind belonging to any camp is a great step to leave behind the values of those camps as well. And the final arbiter can only be pure intent itself. claudiu: I’m getting tears in my eyes now and shivers on my skin as the ramifications of just how perfect this situation is sink in. This is the case regardless of who says it, be they actually free or a feeling-being, even if they are the initial progenitor of this totally new way of being conscious. […] It’s really very simple – we can disagree! […] vineeto: Yes we can disagree. […] your disagreement does not prevent you from allowing purity to readily flow. claudiu: It is all just so wonderfully perfect, simple and straightforward, and now there is even less in the way preventing me from fully endorsing with all my being this pristine purity that is now readily flowing once again. vineeto: Ha, when all your being is “endorsing […] this pristine purity” ‘you’ will be no more – and what a marvellous celebration this will be. This is truly wonderful. […] Best regards and appreciation Cheers Vineeto Vineeto, E-mail to Claudiu, 21 August 2024 August 26, 2024, 12:16 PM WEST claudiu: I am pleased to report that as of August 20th, an out-from-control virtual freedom has resumed It is funny because the current experience is such that I had been out-from-control the entire time. But until it resumed, my experience of myself certainly wasn’t that I was out-from-control the whole time. But it is odd because I wouldn’t say this experience of having been out-from-control the entire time is misinforming me in any way… but I remember that it wasn’t like that. I remember Richard saying something to me like, once you are actually free your experience is like you have been like that your entire life. I said something like, but that is very strange because you weren’t like that your entire life – and he agreed that it is very strange (he emphasized the “very strange”). I wrote as much to Vineeto, and she wrote back on August 21st: vineeto: Yes, I understand this phenomenon – when ‘Vineeto’ came back to ‘her’ senses after being out-of-control ‘she’ was right back into being out-from-control and at the doorstep of becoming actually free (which happened three days later), like having closed a parenthesis or finished a short interlude. claudiu: And, referring to what Richard told me: vineeto: I had the same experience when I became newly actually free – that I had been like this all the time even though my memory told me otherwise. The actual body is here all the time and has its own memories but all had been covered up, overlaid, by the instinctual passions and the identity formed thereof. As such, you are not starting a new, not even an unknown, life when you become actually free – you are finally able to live out in-the-open what you have always been, and experienced in your PCEs as wanting to always be. Hence Richard says in my favourite quote of his journal (Article 25) that “One has to be daring enough to live it … for it is both one’s audacious birth-right and adventurous destiny”. claudiu: I am finding that it’s actually remarkably straightforward to impart actualism to my fellow human beings, even if they are not actualists. One particularly mirificent occasion was when a fellow human being reported to me that they found it was not worth their emotional energy to continue being upset about a situation. I agreed with them, and pointed out how not only is it better for their own life, but it’s also better for the lives of everybody around them, as the effects of being upset percolate into the lives of everyone they interact with (such as by talking about it with others and it affecting their moods). Then I said how it’s actually a key part of actualism (I had discussed actualism with them in the past), that being happy is actually not a self-centered thing, but a *selfless* thing to do. They weren’t sure what I meant. So then I pointed out how in order to stop being upset, you have to give up a part of ‘yourself’ – that part of ‘you’ that is upset – in order to allow feeling good to eventuate. And much to my delight, they saw exactly what I meant! Then they brought up the immediate point, which is very relevant, of what is known in the “Burning Man” culture as a “glitter fairy” (or something like this). This is a person who is completely unaware of the impact of their own actions – they are just frolicking about, littering and disturbing the environment, but they themselves are having a good time. Is this person not being happy yet also remarkably selfish? First I ruled out the possibility of them being “clueless”. I said pretty soon after somebody does someone will inform them that their actions are disturbing people. After that, they can no longer claim to be clueless. Then I pointed out how they are actually being inconsiderate, and how with actualism the goal is not just to be happy but to be happy *and harmless*. This, then, is truly selfless. And they understood the point! They really fully got it. What a wonderful thing! Another recent occasion was when discussing God with some fellow human beings. They said that they don’t believe in the God as in a Christian God in a religious/church sense, but that there is “something” out there that they believe in that they call God. This was in the context of me saying how people need something outside of themselves to not go off the rails. I said that I found that “God” is actually redundant, because there is the universe which already exists, and already exists outside of anybody. And not only that but it is infinite, eternal, “all-powerful” in a sense… so there is no need for a “God”. And they got the point and said that that is a wonderful way to put it! What I am also particularly delighting in is having ‘challenging’ conversations, ones with emotional conflict, with a vastly reduced emotional charge from my part. I find that when somebody isn’t understanding my point, and they react in a defensive or even offensive way, or even just in a disagreeable way, which would previously often upset me or cause me to converse more aggressively – now instead I am able to just “stop” and let the fact of the dispute exist on its own. I don’t need to express that emotional energy anymore. Instead it just sits there… and I find often I don’t really know what to say next. In the past this would be uncomfortable and I think this contributed to my lashing out aggressively in the past. But now I can just let the fact of the situation sink in for all. More often than not, the other person “recoups” and then says something, some follow-up, that allows the conversation to proceed towards a mutual understanding and agreement. Or after some pause I will think of something else to say. Or we will just move on to another topic! Why not? Writing this out I appreciate just how much positive and beneficial impact a happy and harmless person can have on the people they interact with on a regular basis. Really this is not just for me, but for everyone. Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 26 August 2024 August 28, 2024, 4:44 PM WEST claudiu: Hi Kuba, kuba: That’s fascinating because it is also what I have observed in myself recently. […] I was contemplating this recent change and I notice that I am only able to be direct because I am virtually harmless, as in I do not have to go by the ‘rules of the game’ because there is virtually no malice which needs to be kept at bay. There are times when various emotions come up, but it is this ‘crippling effect’ that I described in my journal, where they cannot turn into a mood. kuba: This made me consider how I experience myself lately, something that I have noticed the past week or so is that I do not have the capacity to become sharp or severe anymore, and this has been pressure tested by various circumstances. But the fascinating thing is how solid this change has been, as in there has not been a single instance in the past week or so when I have become sharp, severe or otherwise fell into a mood. As Claudiu wrote there are times when a powerful affective current (which is ‘me’) can be raging through and yet somehow it is crippled – it doesn’t have the capacity to morph into a full blown psychological operation (how ‘I’ would usually experience ‘myself’), so all in all it seems virtually impossible to get into a mood. kuba: […] I notice I am able to allow this way of operating only because of where I find myself experientially, it is the ongoing virtual absence of sorrow and malice which grants the confidence to operate in this way. * What I also find fascinating here is that this seems to be a necessary step, as in it is necessary to see that both ‘me’ and ‘humanity’ are rotten to the very core and as such one has the confidence to end both ‘me’ and ‘humanity’. claudiu: What wonderful reports you have written here recently! It seems from what you are writing that you, too, are experiencing an out-from-control virtual freedom? I certainly recognize much of what is happening for me in what you write here. Do you currently assess yourself to be in this situation? When did you notice that it had properly began? Has it been continuous or on-and-off as it was for me at times (although I would call it more ‘pausing’ and ‘resuming’ in my case). Vineeto has pointed out to me that there is actually very little available in terms of reports of being out-from-control – I would encourage you to write as much as possible of what is going on for you, as this will be valuable information for any current actualists and future actualists to come. For me the biggest thing I would say to those who are interested in what is being written here, is how remarkably easy it is, and how much smaller the barrier to entry really is than I thought before. Before it started to eventuate it seemed impossible and like I did not know how to possibly do it. But now it seems very easy, it essentially maintains itself (although you do need sufficient intent and vitality and will to continue down it or it can indeed fizzle), and also life is just much better to be lived this way. Cheers, Claudiu Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 28 August 2024 August 29, 2024, 11:49 AM WEST claudiu: Hi Felipe, claudiu: [For me the biggest thing I would say to those who are interested in what is being written here, is how remarkably easy it is,] and how much smaller the barrier to entry really is than I thought before. felipe: Hey, Claudiu, can you expand on this? claudiu: Sure – I’m basically saying that it’s a lot easier to go out-from-control than you might think it is. With this message I’m really striving to address someone like me who really wants to know exactly how to go out-from-control so that they can actually do it. With that in mind… my perception of going out-from-control before I did it is best epitomized by my reaction in 2017 to this answer that Dona gave to Solvann: dona: *30 Sep 2017* […] solvann: If I met Richard I would ask him: “When you were living a virtual freedom and you noticed yourself slipping back into normal, what specific ingredient did you apply more of to get back to happy and harmless?” Basically it’s about how to get back to feeling good (for all of us who are not virtual free = can’t do it consistently). dona: for clarification, Richard was out-from-control virtually free, which is a shift, a “different way of being”. He said he only had one instance of “slipping back to normal”, which only lasted a few minutes, and he didn’t do anything to get back to being out-from-control. It seems from your question you might be referring to “in control” virtual freedom, where someone is feeling good at this moment, and each moment again for the rest of their lives. Richard skipped right over this, and right into “out from control” virtual freedom. Dona, Dona and Alan’s Report, 30 September 2017 claudiu: At the time, when I read that Richard “skipped right over” an in-control virtual freedom and went directly to going out from control, my reaction was along the lines of a somewhat cynical, “well how special and magical ‘Richard’ was, meanwhile the rest of us have to work at it and it’s not so easy”. Whereas the actually correct way to receive this information is: “wow, ‘Richard’ was a feeling-being just like we are now, and he was able to go directly out from control without a prolonged period of applying the actualism method… that means that anybody can do this too, going out from control does not have the prerequisites we might think it does, it’s really much easier!” Further, when I read that Richard only had one instance of slipping to normal, and that he “didn’t do anything to get back to being out-from-control”, my reaction was again a similar type of “well Richard was so extraordinary that he could do that, the rest of us can’t”. Whereas the correct appraisal, which I can confirm from my own experience now, is “wow, how easy and effortless being out-from-control is! We should strive to do that as soon as possible!” The way I would put it now, to someone for whom it seems nearly impossible to go out-from-control, is that, first of all, you haven’t done it before, so you don’t know how to do it, and indeed won’t really know how until it’s happening. But this doesn’t prevent you from following the advice of someone who did and trying until it works. And, secondly, there actually is no barrier or requirement or prerequisite to go out-from-control, other than genuinely wanting it and allowing it to happen. That is, the reason it hasn’t worked to go out-from-control is not because it is ‘hard’ or ‘difficult’ or you have to ‘be’ a special person or ‘wait’ until the time is right… it’s because ‘you’ have an objection, ‘you’ are putting up some resistance to allowing it to happen. I was about to add that you also have to know what it is – but Richard didn’t know what it is, him having been the first one. Probably you do have to experientially know what pure intent is, as that is what will be increasingly operant as a result of going out-from-control. Having objections and putting up resistance is all perfectly normal of course… and it also serves as making it obvious precisely how to go about allowing it to happen: reflect on it, consider it, contemplate it, read the reports Kuba and I are putting out of what it is like to be out-from-control, consider what it would be like if this were happening in your life, intend to do it and allow yourself to do it, and when an objection comes up, look at it and resolve it – and rinse and repeat until it is happening! What made this totally obvious for me, that it’s just about wanting it to happen, is what I initially reported in as a “speed bump” starting on Jul 29th (#194), elaborated as being “more of a derailment” 10 days later on Aug 8th (#198), which fully resolved another 10 days later on Aug 20th (#210). This is how the “derailment” started: claudiu: Faced with [the actual ending of ‘me’] as the obvious next step, I hit upon a distinct patch of hesitation and “well hold on a sec”. This is something that I will actually have to do, which will mean the actual end of me – no longer a theoretical step at some point in the future, but something that actually will happen, or rather has to happen for me to attain my destiny. [#194] claudiu: In other words, it was inescapably obvious that it was ‘me’ putting up a resistance that caused it to fizzle out. Over the course of those 20 days, I increasingly came to see that all ‘me’ and ‘my’ antics ever amount to is a completely sub-par outcome. In other words, I saw it was simply not better to remain being ‘me’ as ‘I’ was, it was a worse outcome not a better one. There was no silver lining either, there was no “it’s better in some ways but worse in others” – it was just clear that it is worse in every way. Finally I had seen enough that I then began to be drawn back to it, and then with some concerted pin-pointing and thoughts of a particular objection, once it got resolved I found myself already back to being out-from-control as if there was no 20-day gap in it (as I wrote in #210). felipe: And what did you do exactly to ultimately cause or aid the shift to this state? claudiu: In addition to everything above, I encourage you to (re-)read #173 where I gave some advice to Kuba who was wondering “how to proceed” from where he was into going out-from-control. It seemed to work for him as ~25 days later he was out-from-control, as he reported in #188. I’ll also take this opportunity to encourage Kuba to answer this same question Cheers & best regards, Claudiu Claudiu, DAO: Claudiu’s Journal, 29 August 2024 September 03, 2024, 12:06 PM WEST vineeto: Hi Claudiu, […] claudiu: The first gap in my [being out-from-control] was from July 9 to July 17th so I was thinking perhaps to [… details elided …] I’ll include posts from within the gaps but with appropriate editor’s note […]. vineeto: I would still classify you as being out-from-control for the whole time. Here are my reasons – once the period of you feeling not out from control is over, i.e. the parenthesis period is over, you are instantly back out-from control, you don’t have to make a new decision yet again to relinquish control. You said so yourself – claudiu: I think a good sign also is if I just drop any worrying about the proper term for what I am experiencing and just figure that whatever it is, how do I go forward from here? I see that nothing really changes. So I don’t sense that I am making an effort to try to shoehorn definitions so I can say that I qualify for this or that. The only thing that really matters is going forward and, of course, achieving the goal! Claudiu, DAO: Claudius Journal #171, 1 July 2024 vineeto: Devika is the only person who was out-from-control and permanently abandoned the whole enterprise of becoming actually free, because of stage-freight, using falling in love and Love-Agape to help her abandon it. (Richard, List D, No. 2, 16 Nov 09) and (Richard, List D, No. 6, #Irene). It was a deliberate decision on her part to turn away for good. Which means, being confronted with some occurring obstacle, which is part and parcel of investigating the human condition, is not the same thing as falling back to normal. It’s part and parcel of the actualism process as long as you connect back with pure intent and continue to experience that the brakes don’t work at the end of the “parenthesis” period. You have already been very honest in your reports how you experience the ups and downs of being out-from control. […] Cheers Vineeto Vineeto, E-mail to Claudiu, 3 September 2024 September 06, 2024, 4:15 PM WEST claudiu: Hi Vineeto, […] vineeto: I would still classify you as being out-from-control for the whole time. […] claudiu: I agree with you now and would also classify me as having been out-from-control the entire time. I thought they were distinct stops and starts with pin-pointed moments where it happened, but then I realized reading some of what I wrote during those alleged stopped periods, was very much along the lines of what I was writing outside of them. It was not a normal (i.e. in-control) ‘Claudiu’ and I even wrote as much during the entries! Haha. […] claudiu: Everything just continues to unfold in an astounding and wondrous way. I realized recently that as a normal feeling-being, my ‘default’ was to shrink back in on myself or withdraw ‘into’ myself and sort of wallow in ‘myself’. This is just what I would do when on my own or falling asleep at night, for example. And I realized that this just doesn’t happen anymore! That default ‘center’ way of being just doesn’t happen in that way anymore. Instead there’s just a very straightforward… I’m not sure how to put it. I want to say a “stillness” but it isn’t a “stillness” in quite the way that I sense it when time is standing still. But maybe it has to do with this. It’s like there is no need for a movement of emotion anymore, nor any desire to spin around inside of myself in that way. It’s just… simple and straightforward. It is very peaceful and enjoyable and it sure saves a lot of energy! Viz.: RESPONDENT № 17: Does the experiencing of the vastness and stillness of the universe bring on the ‘over-arching benevolence and benignity’ which then brings on the ‘sweetness’? Iow, does ‘experiencing the vastness and stillness’ of the universe come first? richard: […] that ‘over-arching benevolence and benignity’, which the feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago experienced and named ‘pure intent’, became immanently accessible to some select associates during a specific situational setting called ‘The Second Convivium Gathering’, in late 2009/ early 2010, and was variously experienced by them as a “palpable sweetness” , for instance, and an “infinite tenderness” , for example, and has been more generally described as “being bathed in intimacy”. […]. Thus to answer your first question: the direct (as in, immediate or unmediated) experiencing of the vast stillness of this physical universe’s infinitude – where *the word stillness refers to there being no movement of time whatsoever* (as in ‘this moment has no duration’) – is the way in which the feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago became consciously aware of pure intent because, back in those days, there had not yet been someone of sufficient naïveté to enable that immaculate perfection to become purity personified. Richard, List D, № 17, 6 February 2012 [emphasis added] […] Cheers, Claudiu Claudiu, E-mail to Vineeto, 6 September 2024
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