# Actual Freedom ~ Frequently Asked Questions Frequently Asked Questions ## Richard’s Personal Life before Actual Freedom RESPONDENT: My questions here are mostly about the identity ‘Richard’. I know that prior to 1981 there were certain traits that could be ascribed to the identity ‘Richard’ – who decided after the 4 hours of PCE to take a voyage that cast him away from the original destiny for 11 years and then with an admirable determination ‘he’ took the final leap into oblivion – to result in you, who are at present reaping the benefits of such an action. You have spoken about the striving for integrity from him (the bit about looking into the mirror), and the determination to find out no matter what (from the memory of PCE) as some good qualities in ‘him’ that enabled the result – apart from other aspects I do find admirable too: a history of being in the war zone and experiencing and reflecting on such, farm-boy and the early PCE or naiveté you speak about, your pottery and becoming one with the doing – though not sure whether these were any crucial for such a result. RICHARD: What is crucial for such a result is, in a word, destiny. RESPONDENT: In any case, I am extremely curious about ‘him’ – about the ‘good’ as well as ‘bad’ (in general – if it is not personal like shame, shyness, fear, guilt, sorrow, grief) aspects of ‘him’ – I know that you burnt most of your writings – unlike Krishnamurti’s earlier writings which he could not get rid of though he ceased to allude or speak about them mostly (on occasions, he would speak about that ‘boy’). RICHARD: The only reason I burned those writings – about 80,000 words in the same 3-paragraph section/ 3-page article format as ‘Richard’s Journal’ is – the day after being actually freed was because they would have only added confusion to the clarity and purity of the actual via the mish-mash of the very mysticality/ actuality they were composed of. (Essentially they were descriptive/ explanatory articles of the many PCE’s which the spiritually enlightened/ mystically awakened identity had in the latter years; as such the peerless physicality was tainted by the metaphysicality which was the normality which prevailed when abeyance ended; my second wife who, having a command of grammar via being conversant of five languages, edited all my early writing, often observed that this tainture lay in me not permanently living what was therein described/ explained). RESPONDENT: You have mentioned that you do not have any inhibition about speaking any of today’s aspects, but if you have such an attitude about your past as well, I would like to hear about it. Maybe if you think it may not be central to this list, would like to ask if you have any interest in pursuing this autobiographical line in your blogs or independent writings – is there a web site other than the www.actualfreedom.com.au where your writings are there now? RICHARD: There is a website other than that one – as a sub-domain it has an unique URL – but, being barely begun, it is far from ready for publication; I do not have a blog (it was because I was writing on a secular blog that I registered as a blogger so as to be less anonymous) and probably never will as I have complete technical control (as well as authorial and editorial control) over every aspect of the sub-domain. I am none-too-sure what you are looking for – I was a normal infant, child, youth, teenager, young man and adult (albeit with a predilection for female company and a disinclination about typically manly pursuits) – but as I have nothing to hide, and am circumspect only where it involves readily identifiable people still alive, there is no reason not to write of matters worthy of note. Being indignant – fairness/ unfairness or justice/ injustice – featured quite prominently; there was a debilitating shyness, exacerbated by a pre-teen lisp, which prevailed through to adulthood; cowardice played a major role (as in giving rise to appeasement/ pacification); terror, particularly nightmares, was a common occurrence; day-dreaming was a consistent modus operandi; by nature romantic artistic endeavours were an obvious career path; by being particularly sensitive flights of fancy took the form of becoming a beachcomber instead (tropical isles, turquoise lagoons, coral sands and swaying palms); as sex and sexuality were on overdrive 24/7 naked and nubile females have been a dominant theme; and what was wanted more than anything else was to play for fun (rather than for keeps), to use the jargon of marble games, with those who would join me. How is that for starters? RICK: ‘You’ must have been a particularly happy-go-lucky-camper all those years ago, as a ‘normal’ person, in order for that 4 hour PCE which set in motion all the events leading to the immolation of that identity to occur. No? RICHARD: G’day Rick, I will first draw attention to the following: • [Respondent]: Richard, could you look into getting around to writing a response to my last message to you when it is you get the chance? It is a matter of relative urgency as well as significant personal import. Thank you in advance. As your ‘particularly happy-go-lucky-camper’ query is your last message to me I can only presume it to be what is a matter of relative urgency, to you, as well as being of significant personal import; accordingly, I have located the following exchange which should provide a basis for what you are looking for: • [Richard]: ‘... being normal is the pits only in comparison with being actually free from the human condition (just as being abnormal sucks only in contrast to an actual freedom from the human condition) and when I was a normal being, for 34 years, I lived what I then called a great life – it was not the pits by any description back then as I lived such a life to the full (with quite an adventurous lifestyle) – and when I was an abnormal being, for 11 years, I lived what I then called a glorious life ... and neither did it suck at the time as I lived that life to the full as well (with an even more adventurous lifestyle). [...] • [Respondent]: ‘Being that you called your 34 years of being normal a ‘great life’, (at least then) would you say (then or now) that you ‘enjoyed’ your life back then? • [Richard]: ‘I would say (then) I enjoyed my life the best I could given that the human condition was endemic – as expressed in real-world phrases such as ‘make the best of a bad situation’ and ‘look on the bright side’ and ‘life is what you make of it’ and so on – as I was mostly optimistic, occasionally pessimistic, mostly cheerful, occasionally melancholy and so on and so on through all the moods ... and I would say (now), as I do say now on many an occasion in prior e-mails, I have been having a ball all along. I have never not been here ... ‘twas all an illusion/ delusion. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27f, 24 October 2003). Furthermore, as another poster has tried to make out that the identity in situ all those years ago experienced either a ‘dissatisfaction’ (6561 No. 5 to No. 11 16.10.09), or ‘something like that’ (6630 No. 5 to Richard 18.10.09), or ‘maybe some other word’ (6841 No. 5 21.10.09), with ‘his’ life this is as good an opportunity as any to set the record straight: ‘he’ had a great life, by peer-group standards (some of whom looked up to ‘him’ as an exemplar of a life well-lived and sought to emulate both ‘his’ lifestyle and manner of being); by age 33 ‘he’ had arrived at the summum bonum of the materialist/ humanist aspirations ... to wit: ‘he’ had a wife (who was just as randy as ‘he’ was), ‘he’ was the father of four young children (who were a delight to ‘him’ and fun to be with), ‘he’ owned a farmhouse (on a couple of acres in a rather picturesque rural landscape), ‘he’ owned a car (and all the typical accoutrements of successful living such as bed-room, lounge-room and dining-room suites plus a quadraphonic sound system, refrigerator, freezer, washing machine and all the rest); ‘he’ ran his own business (the dream of many a worker) and, moreover, ran it from home; furthermore, the business ‘he’ ran was as a practicing artist (and totally supported ‘himself’, ‘his’ wife, ‘his’ four children and all the above from sales of ‘his’ art, both locally and via public exhibitions). And then, one fine afternoon relaxing at ease in a brick-paved patio ‘he’ had built outside the opening glass doors of ‘his’ kitchen, under the shade of luxuriant passionfruit vines on a trellis ‘he’ had also built, ‘he’ sat musing upon where ‘he’ had come from, where ‘he’ was at, and where ‘he’ was thus likely to be heading for. Basically, ‘he’ had arrived and all what remained was to finish renovating the farmhouse, buy a new car, and continue climbing the artistic ladder of success which ‘he’ was already firmly on the lower rungs of. ‘He’ idly mused of sailing away to some romantic tropical isle, where turquoise lagoons, coral sands, swaying palms and naked and nubile females were the order of the day (a fancy from pubescence onwards) and realised, with stunning clarity as ‘he’ sat there, amidst all ‘he’ had rightfully earned by due diligence, that wherever ‘he’ went, whatever lifestyle ‘he’ lived, whomever ‘he’ may live with, ‘he’ would be taking ‘him’ along as well ... and, whatever, wherever, however and whomever, it may be ‘he’ would go, do, associate with and so on – no matter how fancifully perfect that may be – ‘he’ would, inevitably, stuff it up by ‘his’ very presence, ‘his’ very being. So, far from being dissatisfied/ discontent/ whatever word, ‘he’ set out to magically transform the great life, that very adventurous life, which ‘he’ was already living, in the most radical way possible: by ceasing to stand in the way of the already always existing pristine paradise this verdant and azure planet actually is. * It is so strange, to the point of absurdity, that anyone can read into my life-story anything other than a vital interest in having only the very best which life has to offer ... to wit: an immaculate perfection. Actual Freedom Homepage
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