Please note that Vineeto’s writings below were written by the feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ while ‘she’ lived in a pragmatic (methodological), still-in-control/same-way-of-being Virtual Freedom.
# Vineeto ~ Selected Writings ## Freedom from the Human Condition Actualism Homepage So when finally I came across Richard and found a simple, straightforward method to actually get rid of emotions, instincts, the ‘self’ as well as the illusion of the very big ‘Self’, I was really interested! Here was someone who stated that there was more freedom possible than even enlightenment offered! Having come this far, having explored so many other approaches in my life and moved on when I saw that they failed, I did not want to turn away from this opportunity. More freedom than enlightenment? Yes! More freedom than believing somebody else’s experience and trusting His method of meditation, despite seventeen years of no reliable results? Yes! A practical simple method, and the tangible lasting success that I was increasingly experiencing living with Peter in a way that far exceeded any relationship in the past? Yes! After all I am a rather practical woman and I like things that work! I like a car that drives, a computer that functions quickly and smoothly and a job that is fun. And I appreciate immensely a method that cleans me up, makes me happy and harmless, and rids me of the burden of my imaginary, yet very effective two selves – ‘self’ and ‘Self’, ego and soul. It took me a few months though, to gather enough courage to change gear and direction, but since then the journey has been a wonderful and delicious adventure, sprinkled only occasionally with a few quivers of fear. Another part of the female agenda was the desire to change the world by nurturing means: education and social work. After I had dismissed revolutionary changes as not applicable, I thought people could be taught to be more happy by ‘right’ education and by changing people’s social conditions. But after working with drug-addicts for two years I had to admit failure. I had nothing to teach them; I was as ignorant as they were, and I had no solutions for society’s misfits, let alone myself. Along with my social-work studies came an interest in therapy, both for myself and for my work. I tried most of the Human Growth groups available. I expressed and re-evaluated all the different emotions and examined every possible issue but it did not really get to the bottom of the matter. I continued in later years with ‘spiritual’ therapies, where psychological understanding was combined with devotion, awareness and meditation. In terms of freedom I looked for redemption from misery, fear, anger, jealousy, dependency, tension and self-doubt. Every approach had a slightly different answer, though none offered lasting solutions.
When I became a disciple of Rajneesh another aspect was added to the search for freedom. Now the idea was to get rid of something called the ‘ego’, the ‘mind’ or the ‘self’, as the solution to whatever was wrong with my life. It seemed to make great sense in the beginning. Here I was with all my conditioning, ideas and experiences, and in order to become free of misery I would have to transcend every manifestation of the ego and then I could live constantly in the land of bliss. And meditation was the ticket and the tool. This was definitely the best on offer up to now! Not just ‘rearranging the furniture on the Titanic’, which was what therapy merely ended up doing, but the promise to get rid of the whole problem, my ‘self’, altogether! I only had to find out what this ‘self’ consisted of and then turn away and transcend it! But exactly this was the problem. First of all, I could never determine exactly what this ‘self’ consisted of. Secondly I could only turn away temporarily. It was never for good. Problems, feelings and emotions didn’t dissolve; I only occasionally got more ‘distance’ from them. The nice effects of meditation like silence, ease and peace of mind never lasted. |
| Women are usually better equipped and more experienced in the ‘psychic world’ of emotions, feelings and intuition, having been trained and conditioned differently than men. Of course, we women use exactly this know-how as our sharpest and most effective weapon to manipulate and control, whinge and whine, scream or sulk, leaving the man baffled and confused as to what exactly he has done wrong. Also I was usually not able to, or willing to, explain clearly what I was being emotional about. Telling the whole story of my ‘upset’ would take away the mystery that secured my power, and often the man would put down my emotional reaction as inappropriate and irrational, thus adding fuel to the fire. So I wouldn’t talk about the actual issue and consequently didn’t bother to find out for myself what exactly were my emotions and what were the reasons that triggered them. I can now understand and acknowledge how I had used my psychic and emotional power in all my relationships to win the ‘battle’, if only temporarily, and to take revenge for hurts, disappointments and frustrations.

After I met Peter and began to use Richard’s new method of examining and stripping away beliefs, I was challenged by the success of our continuously improving relationship. My life was becoming easier, happier and more thrilling every time I explored a new issue. However, I found myself quite torn apart because I was also desperately trying to hold on to my old ways. I was afraid to leave the fold – this imaginary ‘community’ where right and wrong was clearly defined and confirmed by everyone around me. I was trying to live in two worlds at the same time. Loyalty to the Master became quite a gut-churning issue. How could I dare to question His love, His authority, His power, His great vision? How could I be a traitor, stepping away yet again from another group that had provided me with meaning and a sense of belonging as well as financial and emotional security?

To question all of the values agreed upon by humanity was, of course, not possible without re-instating and lubricating my common sense, my intelligence. It had originally been trained in school and university, but had been distorted and weakened through my conditioning as a girl, a woman and later as a spiritual seeker. To release this common sense out of the cupboard and to start using it in order to understand the actual and factual world was essential for me to be able to distinguish belief from fact and silly from sensible. Every time I recognized a belief as just ‘taken on’ from some authority, it faded into irrelevance and left me with this new thrilling experience of freedom, confidence, autonomy and equity. After all, intelligence is possible in all human beings, it simply needs to be re-instated, polished and exercised, disentangled from beliefs and superstitions and freed from the stupidity of instincts and emotions.

I liken the journey as travelling on this path of freedom and eventually hitting an obstacle on the way made up of a belief, a fear or any other emotion. If I avoid the challenge of examining this obstacle, I end up in the thick of the jungle where there are many more ‘real’ and imaginary dangers to be tackled. Only by getting back to the original obstacle and clearing it out of the way am I able to once again delight in strolling freely on this wonderful path of freedom – chiselling away my ‘self’ while at the same time thoroughly enjoying myself. Not being able or willing to support other people’s belief-systems has put me outside the women’s camp and normal female role-play. I notice how I move further and further away from the usual way of relating – to share sorrow or grumpy-ness, pat each other’s back, look for support or discuss and ‘share’ similar beliefs of the ‘psychic world’. My ‘friends’ were simply those who were living in the same part of the ‘psychic world’ as I did and would therefore ‘understand’ me and ‘support’ my struggles and beliefs. In not complying with those belief-systems I am left with no role to play. More and more whatever happens when meeting any particular person is fine. Maybe we have fun, we find some common sense to share, an intimate moment, a laugh – or not. I expect it with anybody or nobody. It can happen with a person I have known for years, with the girl at the bank or an overseas customer on the telephone. It can happen with anyone who comes in the door – or not. It does not matter what happens, because I am at ease with my own company. |

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