Please note that Vineeto’s correspondence below was written by the actually free Vineeto
(List D refers to Richard’s List D and his Respondent Numbers) Vineeto’s Correspondence with Kuba on Discuss Actualism Forum April 5 2024 VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, PS: For clarification purposes I would like to address the rumour Milito apparently started from a verbal report (I never wrote about this on the website) which either the reporting person or Milito himself misconstrued and now has been further developed by Kuba – Milito, 1 April 2024: Jeez, Vineeto can cry when a cop writes her a ticket … (https://discuss.actualism.online/t/milito-s-journal/946/122) And Kuba, misinterpreting the event even further adds ‘Vineeto cries to get out of trouble with police’ – Kuba, 2 April 2024: I have read Actually free people write all sorts of stuff that is weird to me : [...] As Milito mentioned there is the situation where Vineeto cries to get out of trouble with police. (https://discuss.actualism.online/t/milito-s-journal/946/133) Before this rumour gets even more legs and spreads any further like ‘Chinese Whispers’, here is what actually happened – and I remember recounting the event on the meeting with you, Henry, Alan, Jon and No. 45 (List D) in Café 29 – One day whilst driving to a work appointment in Byron Bay on the main 2-lane highway I noticed I was followed by a blinking police car. Because I considered the space at the side of the road too narrow for such a busy road as it was I slowed down to perhaps 30 km/h and drove on to a nearby public car park and stopped there. The police officer commanded me to stay in the car, reached through the open window and took my car keys (as if I was going to escape!). He then proceeded to scold and berate me with great passion because I had not stopped immediately along the busy road. I explained that I had found it unsafe to stop there and then, but he was not satisfied with my explanation and started again with the same berating. When he arrived at the third repeat of his monologue with no sign of abating passion I realized I had to do something if I ever wanted to get to my work appointment. There was no thought of what to do next when suddenly I felt an uprising of a sob from the gut area and so I allowed it to continue, resulting in the eventual calming down of the police officer's mood as I had obviously demonstrated the remorse he was looking for. He then proceeded more calmly to write me a ticket and I could finally go on my way. In hindsight I was amazed and pleased about this event as it was a practical demonstration that despite being devoid of feelings and thus possibly handicapped when dealing with feeling beings, I still have the wherewithal and the options available, if the situation requires it, to communicate a true facsimile of a feeling should it be necessary. * The other point I want to address is this comment – Kuba, 2 April 2024: I have read Actually free people write all sorts of stuff that is weird to me : There is a bit on the AFT where Richard responds to someone by suggesting that what he is doing, in Australia is called ‘being a bit of a wanker’. Now, Kuba could have easily looked up the correct wording and the context for himself on the website to see if it indeed still was ‘weird’ to him and to verify for himself if that quote justifies not paying due diligence in regards to the claims of anyone declaring themselves to be actually free. Here is the sequence which shows that nowhere Richard is ‘suggesting that what he [the respondent] is doing, in Australia is called ‘being a bit of a wanker’’. RESPONDENT: As to Richard, our past discussions have been very thorough and have included some of the most imaginative name calling! He thinks me a wanker (an Australian term for masturbator), and I TRUST he remains to be pigheaded stubbornness (a characteristics he relishes being). Though thorough and imaginative, our communications have netted very little. RICHARD: Oh dear ... is this all that you can recall of our long and thoughtful discussions about life, the universe and what it is to be a human being? Is all you remember that Richard ‘thinks me a wanker’ and that Richard indulged in ‘the most imaginative name calling’? Speaking personally, I gained immeasurably from our discussions ... our communications netted heaps of valuable and revealing information for me ... which I have put to good use. Also – as a point of order – I would never stoop so low as to name-call any person, least of all you ... for I have too much regard for my fellow human being. It is identities – images about oneself – that I categorise, judge, label ... and attach ‘the most imaginative name calling’ that my fertile mind can dream up. If you, or anyone else, wishes to identify with an image ... then you will feel attacked. Just to be sure, I typed ‘wanker’ into my search-engine and sent it scrolling through all my posts to the Mailing List – not just those to you – and these quotes are the only references to ‘wanker’ made by either of us: • [Richard]: ‘There is a word in the Australian lexicon that is apt when it comes to describing pacifists ... they are wankers. Not having any feelings I cannot relate to the ‘contemptible’ part of the dictionary meaning of the word. (Wanker: (noun) coarse slang: a person, especially a boy or man, who masturbates and thus is deemed an ineffectual or contemptible person)’. • [Richard]: ‘Only the elimination of identity in its totality will enable the already always existing peace-on-earth to become apparent. Until that happens on a global scale, some semblance of law and order will need to be maintained at the point of a gun. Hence pacifists are wankers’. • [Respondent]: ‘I bid you, Richard ... for a moment at the least, move away from your rather wanker-like (I Love that word!) dissecting of me and meet the statement as it is: You can produce no fact, as it were, about the afterlife’. • [Richard]: ‘Look, it is not a dissection of you ... it is a relentless exposé of the eastern spiritual mysticism that you espouse that I am doing. I make no bones about this and as I know full well what it is that I am doing it is not wanking ... given that *a wanker is an ‘ineffectual person’*. (Richard, List B, No. 14b, 09 November 1998) [emphasis added]. (Richard, List B, No. 14c, 23 May 1999) (Milito’s Journal DA Forum 946/138) (Actualvineeto, List D Claudiu, 4 April 2024) July 7 2024 KUBA: Yes thank you for your post Vineeto and it is lovely to have you post here even if just for this one particular purpose. I would never have thought to do something so simple as running the words back and forth through a translator to expose the problem. It is clear to me now why what was in the past termed as the ‘pedantic approach’ by the AFT is actually crucial with regards to the spread of peace on earth. The history of human kind so far has been the blind leading the blind and with bloody consequences. Richard saw this clearly and it seems no-one before him could pin-point what the problem was. VINEETO: Thank you Kuba for your warm welcome. I am particularly chuffed that you recognize that the AFT’s ‘pedantic approach’ was born of actual care I also congratulate you for standing on the threshold of an out-from-control different way of being – unless you have already crossed the line. Cheers Vineeto July 15 2024 KUBA: Vineeto I read your reply to James (Actualism, Actualvineeto, James, 14 July 2024) whilst bearing in mind that what you are describing (the Actualism method) is something completely new, as in it is not some re-arrangement of the ‘tried and true’ ways, and it clicked. It starts with the realisation that this moment which is happening now is my only moment of being alive, and it is never not this moment, furthermore it’s the realisation that this moment is actually happening, this business called being alive is actually taking place now. So bearing the above in mind it is always silly to feel bad because of X, because I am wasting a precious opportunity to enjoy and appreciate life now, and as it is never any other time than now, I am wasting this precious opportunity for nothing. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, The reason why the actualism method is so completely new is because Richard discovered the secret of actual time. Time does not move, it is always now. Time is the arena in which events happen. Events come and go and the arena itself is eternal. You can experience this in a PCE, and on becoming actually free this stillness is instantly apparent via the awareness that time does not move. You have understood it well, and on deeper contemplating this wondrous fact that “now is my only moment of being alive” something magical can happen. [Richard]: The purity of life emerges from the perfection that wells up constantly due to an immense stillness which is utterly immense in its scope and magnitude. This stillness of infinitude is that something which is precious. It is the life-giving foundation of all that is apparent. This stillness happens as me. This stillness is my essential disposition, for it is the principle character, the intrinsic basis of everything. It is the universe at its genesis. It is not, as it might commonly be supposed, at the centre of everything … there is no centre here. This stillness, which is everywhere all at once, is the be all and end all of life itself. I am the universe experiencing itself as a sensate, reflective human being. Richard’s Journal, 1997, Article Twenty-five Clocks tick away – what they measure is the rotation of the earth, giving us day and night and everything in between. It’s an ongoing event, which we measure as time for the convenience of arranging events. Actual time is only now. This moment, which is the same anywhere and everywhere, is all there is. You cannot experience any other moment than this moment. Yes, you can remember past events, you can plan future events (you can imbue them with feelings like regret and worry to make them appear more real), but when an event is happening it happens now, in this moment. I can never run out of time – because it is always now. KUBA: Actually considering this further there is also something to the fact that I am wasting this moment of being alive which is of a finite supply that highlights the silliness of feeling bad and also just how precious this moment of being alive is. This is interesting to contemplate in light of mortality, I remember Richard writing that he would not change 1 little bit about this universe. Is it that mortality (a limited supply of time that one can experience being alive) is a key component to this precious aspect? VINEETO: The key component to this moment being “precious” is the fact that this moment is the *only* moment you can experience. Furthermore, by fully comprehending that this is the *only* moment you can actually experience you can tap into infinitude realizing experientially that it is never not this moment. If you are feeling bad now, something precious has been wasted, which is this moment of being alive. The universe will go on forever but it is your *conscious experience of being alive* which is precious. Mortality is inextricable intertwined with it because as humans we are aware that we will die one day. I can’t separate it out – being alive means that one day I won’t be alive. In other words, although it may sound strange – mortality is a precondition for something being alive (else it would be static). It is an intrinsic part and parcel of this universe being perfect, you cannot separate it out. KUBA: I guess it is somewhat funny that ‘I’ can feel resentful towards this universe for the fact of mortality, for not ‘getting enough time’ and yet ‘I’ am busy wasting each moment anyways. Furthermore it is this fact of mortality which makes life precious anyways, so what is it that ‘I’ am asking for? An eternity to suffer? :laughing: I find this whole thing quite fascinating, what is kind of hanging in front of me now is – is it that mortality is actually a gift and not a curse? VINEETO: Here is what Richard pointed out – RICHARD: It is all part and parcel of the process whereby this universe can experience itself as a sensate and reflective human being: as such the universe can know itself apperceptively. What one does is acquiesce to life by embracing death ... one wholeheartedly dedicates oneself to being here as the universe’s experience of itself right now: it is the unreserved !YES! to being alive as this flesh and blood body. If it were not for physical death one could not be happy ... let alone harmless. RESPONDENT: I don’t disagree, but would like you to flesh that out a little. RICHARD: The absolutely undeniable fact of physical death means that, in an ultimate sense, nothing really matters: as nothing lasts forever (matter arranges and rearranges itself endlessly totally wiping out whatever came before) there is nothing worth dying for. Hence playfulness ... I could not be solemn if my life depended upon it. Sincere ... yes; serious ... no way. Richard, General Correspondence, Page 09, 21 May 2000 As such, you could say that mortality is a gift (and certainly not a curse) – and the very awareness of it can have a beneficent and intensifying impact to lessen one's inclination to waste this moment. To live it with all the enjoyment and appreciation possible and to dedicate one’s life whole-heartedly to a worthy cause. The very possibility that ‘I’ can altruistically die (self-immolate) before physical death to set the actual body free for the benefit of this body, that body and every body is the greatest gift of all for every feeling being. KUBA: Is it that a benevolent universe is set up exactly in this way as to provide intrinsic meaning to being alive, including this crucial component of mortality? VINEETO: Mmh, the universe has not been set up – it has always been here. But I understand what you are asking. Without mortality, without constant change and rearrangement of matter, it would be a static universe, neither benevolent nor beneficent, let alone able to evolve life, and conscious life as we know it. Such a universe can only exist in the imagination of science-fiction writers. Thank you Kuba for your probing questions and contemplations into the secrets of an infinite and eternal universe – it was a special delight to answer. Cheers Vineeto July 19 2024 VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Your post reminds me of one that you wrote only 11 days ago and Claudiu’s follow-up reply. KUBA: When I consider this it makes sense to me what an out from control virtual freedom is about, it is the abeyance of the ‘doer’ (that very ‘cell’) and now the ‘beer’ (the remaining ‘centre’) is left freely exposed for the perfection and purity to dynamically do it’s thing. CLAUDIU: It is very freeing in a way. Before, I would need to maintain an EE to some degree, and in a sense there was sort of a restriction of just what I could look at, as the EE would fade if I rocked the boat too much. But now the boat is stable and it seems like I can freely explore anything and everything with this reliable rock-solid foundation of purity that remains unshakeable regardless. Thus I can freely explore the depths of ‘me’ without any fear or concern that the out-from-controlness will fade VINEETO: It seems as if in the meantime this possible in-between step between ‘normal’ and actually free has slipped your mind? The report you quoted of ‘Vineeto’ becoming actually free was precipitated by several weeks of being out-from-control and it made the last part of the journey to an actual freedom not only so much easier but also eminently delicious. There are a lot of benefits when one allows oneself to let the universe (pure intent) to take over control. You say – KUBA: Those ‘last remaining cobwebs’ is exactly how I would describe those remaining dramas, it seems ‘I’ am only holding onto what’s left of them in order to block the momentum that would otherwise follow. This is the tricky part, proceeding without knowing with certainty what the destination is like, it’s stepping into the unknowable. It seems ‘I’ am instead searching for 100% certainty before ‘I’ dare to step out of the cage, which is of course an impossibility as this can only be had upon actual freedom. VINEETO: Once you allow yourself to be out-from-control and the actualism process is set in motion, the brakes no longer work and you are in for the ride of a lifetime not to be missed. I can highly recommend it. ‘Vineeto’s’ last question ‘she’ endeavoured to answer (one day before it happened) was – do I want to live like this forever (the delicious, dynamic experience infused with ever increasing pure intent and experiences of sweetness)? Even though the answer was clear, the moment Richard posed that question to ‘her’, ‘she’ still decided to check it out carefully. But the next day it was still the same answer – yes, of course, I want to live like this forever. Cheers Vineeto July 21 2024 KUBA: Yes thank you Vineeto it seems you stopped me right in the tracks of a habit of mine – of hanging back in the ‘normal’ and from there trying to throw some kind of a Hail Mary towards actual freedom. It never works because the distance is too great and from that ‘normal’ place ‘I’ am not advised by the perfection and purity, instead ‘I’ resort to theories. It’s like ‘I’ am hanging out in the cage (with the doors wide open) whilst coming up with the next ‘great escape plan’. VINEETO: Dear Kuba, Ha, you have a delightful way with words. I had been wondering if it was ok to prod you a bit or if you’d rather proceed at your own pace. Now I am glad that I did. Habituation can sometimes be quite a procrastinating feature – and ‘Vineeto’ used to do that a lot. KUBA: It is becoming clear to me that going out-from-control is the next step, in fact I have been hanging out on the edge of this decision for a long time. Now is a great time to do it, with Caudiu having already gone ahead and done it anyways, which I am full of admiration for. VINEETO: Yes, Claudiu is boldly showing the way and giving detailed reports about how an out-from-control virtual freedom works wonders and also what the pitfalls can be which those after him can avoid. Pure intent is far more easily accessible once you made the conscious decision to let go of the controls and it’s a great, thrilling and delicious adventure. KUBA: What I have been doing is setting the intent to continue allowing the perfection and purity each moment again come what may, committing to having that golden clew active at all times, with each instance of the connection being severed being treated as a flashing red light in the same way I would with a diminution into feeling bad. It is exhilarating to commit in such a way, this is going further than I would usually allow myself to, and some more, the rewards are certainly worth the effort though. VINEETO: That’s it and it is indeed exhilarating, galvanizing, electrifying and thoroughly wonder-full. KUBA: Last night I was watching a random YouTube video which was showing the latest high resolution pictures of mars and comparing it with earth. Usually watching astronomy videos ‘I’ feel somewhat alien, alone, small, in danger etc. Essentially there is that backdrop of the existential angst of being a ‘self’. This time it was different, I saw that there is no outside to this universe, that I as this body am not separate from it, and then looking at the pictures of the earth I was able to fully appreciate the wonder and magic of it all. That this enormous and infinitely complex universe even exists in the first place, and further that it has arranged itself into the azure planet called earth, and further that this planet is teeming with life, and further that from all of this a thinking and reflective creature was born, and further that as this creature the universe is able to experience itself – WOW. VINEETO: This is so excellent to read, I had to interrupt because tears of appreciation were running down my face – it is just so mirificent that another fellow human being is about to come out of the cage and is able to marvel at and fully appreciate the magic of this amazing universe, of our verdant and azure planet hanging in space, of all the flora and fauna, and most of all of conscious human life with the ability of being apperceptively aware of being alive. Actuality is utterly breathtaking. KUBA: I realise that all of the above is this body’s and every body’s birthright, and this brings a depth to the words “fellow human being” which I can’t quite put into words. VINEETO: Indeed – you will discover that the depth of intimacy with your fellow human beings increases exponentially the more you allow this marvellous beneficent infinite universe to live you. And your – and ever body’s – birthright is to be the universe experiencing itself as a flesh-and-blood sentient human being. Life is truly wonderful. With all my appreciation for your bold step. Cheers Vineeto July 28 2024 KUBA: I noticed this yesterday driving to my hen party jobs and it was a very precious experience, noticing that the breaks no longer work was the culmination of a lifetime of dedication. ‘I’ was stuck in that cage of ‘my’ own making, carrying the burden of being an identity for so many years. And it’s a funny situation because deep down ‘I’ yearn to be free of this burden and yet it is ‘me’ who stubbornly refused to step out of the cage. Knowing that the breaks no longer work allowed ‘me’ for the first time in so long to say a resounding YES! To being alive, what ‘I’ secretly wanted all along. So I wrote recently that I would be nipping at your heels soon, Claudiu and it appears this is exactly what I did :) I’m still being careful before making definitive claims but especially noticeably in the past 2 days there is a momentum which has begun that is not of ‘my’ doing. Noticing my experience the label which fits the most precisely is exactly that of an ongoing and dynamic excellence experience. I was going to write this yesterday but I wanted to see what it would be like when I wake up, and it’s still exactly the same. There are times when some emotion comes up and I think, “ok I am still normal” but then I realise that I don’t have any breaks to put on, I don’t have a way to stop the perfection and purity permeating into the centre that is ‘me’. VINEETO: Dear Kuba, My deepest appreciation for your wonderful news. “What ‘you’ secretly wanted all along”, how fitting, how marvellous. Thank you. Have a great ride and enjoy it to the max while it lasts. (I think you will understand the “while it lasts” correctly). Cheers Vineeto August 29, 2024 VINEETO: Hi Kuba, hi Claudiu, hi everyone, In the last week I have been busy reformatting and publishing Dona’s and Alan’s (dead-link) [https://actualfreedom.net/australia-questions/] web-page on the AFT website at One of the major topics of this three-week event of answers to questions from forum members in 2017 was that there are *no conditions to become actually free*. “Richard said there is *no connection at all* between feeling good each moment again and actual freedom. You can become actually free right now. But … In the meantime, while you’re living your life not actually free, why not feel good? As he says, this is your only moment of being alive, why waste it feeling bad?” For instance – 09 Nov 2017 Geoffrey: There is something I’ve been thinking about since: James: Dona, I have a question for Richard: What will it take for me to go the rest of the way to af? Dona: Richard was confused by this question, as it sounds like you think there are steps, or “a way”. Actual freedom from the human condition is a pivotal/decisive moment. You are either actually free or you are not (full stop). It is not possible to go “the rest of the way”. (my remark: same as a PCE… you are either in a PCE or you are not) Dona: Since we cannot eliminate ourselves, by ourselves (you cannot pull yourself up with your own bootstraps) he suggests that you set this intention: “I give myself permission to allow it to happen.” I remember making a remark on Slack that ‘allowing it to happen’ we usually used in reference to having PCEs, not self-immolation. And that it was a nice ‘parallel’ between the identity going in abeyance, and in oblivion. But I was wondering if there was more to this than just a ‘parallel’. Alan: Richard has never suggested “trying to self-immolate”. There are no ‘rules’ and no conditions for self-immolation to happen. … and there go my many ‘attempts’ lol, including yesterday’s one (when I was “contemplating on altruism”) – which interestingly ended in a PCE. This has happened lately, that when ‘trying’ to self-immolate I don’t end up in ASCs anymore, but in PCEs. This is the case since I’ve stopped ‘forcing it’, but instead trying to ‘allow it to happen’. Alan: Such giving of oneself could result in self-immolation rather than a PCE but so far no one has self immolated by doing so. It is also very unlikely as, unless one has fully committed to becoming actually free (and any fear of becoming actually free means one has not done so), it will not happen. Dona: yesterday Claudiu had a question regarding a fear of “losing himself” when intimate. Vineeto said that if he did give 100% it would most likely cause a PCE. Today I questioned why it wouldn’t cause an actual freedom, and they answered that it could, but only when the person was ready and all of them agrees to it. So the same thing that causes a PCE could result in self-immolation instead, if one is ready/ has fully committed to becoming actually free. And since: Dona: perhaps you think that practicing the actualism method produces PCEs? It does not. PCEs are spontaneous occurrences. Then Self-immolation is a ‘spontaneous’ occurrence – when one is ready/ fully committed. 1. Is all the above correct? 2. The same way PCEs can be ‘induced’, by ‘allowing them to happen’, can self-immolation be ‘induced’ by ‘allowing it to happen’ (if one is ready/ committed)? 3. Can I deduce from an ‘attempt’ that resulted in a PCE that the only thing lacking was the readiness, the commitment to becoming actually free? That the attempt was ‘correct’ so to speak… aiming in the right direction, but ‘failing’ because of a lack of ‘readiness’? Dona: you posted Alan saying, “there is no trying” to self-immolate... And that there are no ‘rules’ and no conditions for self-immolation to happen. So, that same answer still applies to all your questions above. Geoffrey: 4. If so I have to ask once more the question you must be tired to hear: how do I get ready? Dona: again, there are no conditions, you are ready when you are ready. Then in the meantime... (Lol... You know the answer...) ... Yep, the actualism method. Though Richard and Vineeto understand that you want a “formula” (Dona sidenote: so do I!) ... There is none. Everyone is different and has their own way. There are things that Vineeto suggested that she did ... But ... they are NOT to be considered “conditions”. Know yourself (Dona: I recommend using the website for ideas on that). Find all the objections to self-immolation (goes with the first one, know yourself). Imitate the actual world as much as humanly possible. Make it your number one aim/ goal/ intent. Allow it to happen (no forcing it). Richard added: “there’s nothing you can do to become actually free, and there’s nothing you can’t do”. Alan: Much the same as Dona has written. The main thing I got (again!) from our conversation is that there is no particular route to be followed. Your second and third questions are setting conditions. There are none! The experience (what they have ‘done’) of each person who has become actually free so far has been different. Vineeto said her experience was giving ‘herself’ permission to allow it to happen – but others did not experience that. Become interested, vitally interested (until it becomes a fascination) in ‘you’ and how ‘you’ operate. Discover what objections there are to becoming actually free. In the meantime commit to feeling good each moment again for the rest of your life and enjoy and appreciate this only moment of being alive – there is no difference between the ends and the means. Richard: The way to an actual freedom from the human condition is the same as an actual freedom from the human condition – the means to the end are not different from the end – inasmuch that where one is happy and harmless as an on-going modus operandi benevolence operates of its own accord. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27d, 6 December 2002) * As we all know, Geoffrey succeeded in becoming actually free 10 months later and thus made good on his promise at the end of the question-answer-event – 13 Nov 2017 Geoffrey: No more questions for me. Would you please transfer my most sincere thanks to them for the time they took to answer our questions, and for everything they’ve done since years to give us the life-changing opportunity to learn about actual freedom and walk the wide and wondrous path. The third wave is coming! (it’s us :smile:). Dona: Richard and Vineeto appreciated hearing this, with big smiles. I very much enjoyed reading the whole web-page anew, and I also much appreciate reading on the forum now that another wave is coming yet again. Cheers Vineeto September 7 2024 KUBA: So I have been down with some serious flu the past few days, and yet I have been experiencing the most incredible things, I have wondered at times if it was some delirium caused by the flu haha but I am on the mend now and things are getting even more incredible. What I have been experiencing is what Vineeto was alluding to here (Claudiu’s Journal – #189 by Vineeto): [Vineeto]: “Have a great ride and enjoy it to the max while it lasts” Indeed what I am experiencing now is a ride of a lifetime, it is something that I am struggling to put into words but it’s simply unmatched by anything that came before. The flavour of these experiences is exactly what Claudiu wrote recently : [Claudiu]: I remember Richard saying something to me like, once you are actually free your experience is like you have been like that your entire life. I said something like, but that is very strange because you weren’t like that your entire life – and he agreed that it is very strange (he emphasized the “very strange”). And it is this ‘very strange’ aspect that I cannot put into words but it is beyond wonderful to experience. How is it that I am having experiences where it is as if ‘I’ and ‘reality’ never existed in the first place, where the actual world is simply the only thing in existence, where it has always been like this and it could not be any other way. And yet there is the memory (fading though) of ‘my’ life and of ‘reality’, did it ever exist? The weirdest thing is that this can flip in a matter of seconds, as in 1 moment ‘I’ exist and do ‘my’ thing and then the next it’s as if ‘I’ never existed in the first place. It’s like some weird amnesia and I find myself yo-yoing between these, but the whole thing is utterly safe, there is not even a trace of fear or resistance to this, it’s such a delight to experience myself like this. It seems the most wonderful thing about actuality is that it is all there is! Seeing this brings a safety and a completeness that has to be experienced to be known, it is indeed beyond ‘my’ wildest dreams. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, What a marvellous wondrous ride indeed! Are you perhaps wondering – in “seeing this brings a safety and a completeness” – why you would want to continue to “flip in a matter of seconds” ? Is it because … perchance … there is still one job to do? The last job … to give permission … to allow it to happen … forevermore … irrevocably … [Richard]: Thus the search for meaning amidst the debris of the much-vaunted human hopes and dreams and schemes has come to its timely end. With the end of both ‘I’ and ‘me’, the distance or separation between both ‘I’ and ‘me’ and these sense organs – and thus the external world – disappears. To be living as the senses is to live a clear and clean awareness – apperception – a pure consciousness experience of the world as-it-is. Because there is no ‘I’ as a thinker (a little person inside one’s head) or a ‘me’ as a feeler (a little person in one’s heart) – to have sensations happen to them, I am the sensations. The entire affective faculty vanishes … blind nature’s software package of instinctual passions is deleted. There is nothing except the series of sensations which happen … not happening to an ‘I’ or a ‘me’ but just happening … moment by moment … one after another. To live life as these sensations, as distinct from having them, engenders the most astonishing sense of freedom and magic. Consequently, I am living in peace and tranquillity; a meaningful peace and tranquillity. Life is intrinsically purposeful, the reason for existence lies openly all around. Being this very air I live in, I am constantly aware of it as I breathe it in and out; I see it, I hear it, I taste it, I smell it, I touch it, all of the time. It never goes away – nor has it ever been away – it was just that ‘I’/‘me’ was standing in the way of the meaning of life being apparent. (Articles, Richard’s Résumé). Cheers Vineeto September 7 2024 KUBA: Yes thank you Vineeto, you couldn’t be more accurate with your suggestion because this question has been burning inside me so much so that it just continued through the night whilst sleeping, only to wake up to your post. I was wondering why is it that ‘I’ still come back? Because this sense of magic that I am experiencing is beyond compare, and yet ‘I’ come back… But just like one cannot self immolate in a PCE, ‘I’ still have a job to do when ‘I’ flip back, this is why ‘I’ flip back. This flavour of magical sweetness that I am experiencing, it is so profound that it is impossible not to commit. It is a familiar flavour but it has never been this imminent, the flavour is of the final destination. At times I wonder could it really be this wonderful, and yes it is exactly what is here for all of humankind. So that’s as far as it goes for now, yet something seems very imminent. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Yes, this is the flavour I perceive from your post. You can have supreme confidence to allow the universe to do the rest. Enjoy the sweetness and the magic. Cheers Vineeto September 13 2024 KUBA: So I have finished reading the reports now, although the facts of my experience speak for themselves at this point it is still great to see that things line up. There was a couple of things that stood out : Vineeto to Claudiu: Devika is the only person who was out-from-control and permanently abandoned the whole enterprise of becoming actually free, because of stage-freight, using falling in love and Love-Agape to help her abandon it. (Richard, List D, No. 2, 16 November 2009) and (Richard, List D, No. 6, #Irene). It was a deliberate decision on her part to turn away for good. (Vineeto, E-mail to Claudiu, 3 September 2024, see also Actualism, Actualvineeto, Claudiu2, 29 October 2024). Which means, being confronted with some occurring obstacle, which is part and parcel of investigating the human condition, is not the same thing as falling back to normal. It’s part and parcel of the actualism process as long as you connect back with pure intent and continue to experience that the brakes don’t work at the end of the “parenthesis” period. This was a nice thing to read because it means that in making the decision to step out from control ‘I’ may have got myself onto a one way ride, one that is unlikely to end in anything but ‘my’ demise, considering this puts a smile on my face every time. This question of ‘falling back to normal’ this is something that I can also confirm in myself, that it is a case of working through whatever aspect of the human condition is presenting itself, yet I have not been ‘normal’ since the initial change. It’s as if ‘I’ dip into those patterns so that they can be fully experienced and unravelled, of course how else could the actualism process eventuate? VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Yes, indeed, “how else could the actualism process eventuate?” It’s an utter delight to read your report and to learn that you received all the confirmation and information to be confident and at ease to proceed where only pure intent (without “affective shrapnel” is beckoning. And now you have reached the rewarding stage, according to your previous report 6 days ago that – KUBA: ‘I’ am very much needed in order to actualise what the universe intends. It makes ‘my’ petty life all worth it in the end, ‘I’ can gladly sacrifice ‘myself’ to allow this perfect destiny, ‘I’ can go out in a blaze of glory. So it’s not that ‘I’ have to do it, ‘I’ get to do it, ‘I’ get to grant this gift and ‘I’ am the only one who can grant it. VINEETO: !YES! All the ingredients are lined up for you to make this last part of the ride a fun and exciting success! KUBA: The other thing is reading Vineeto now vs before, it’s funny that before I was projecting a phantom of sorts, one that was synonymous with authority. But of course Vineeto hasn’t changed between then and now, it was ‘I’ that changed. It is a propitious situation to have her as a target which we can all unequivocally and safely aim for. VINEETO: Just like once Richard described it – there is a helpful flag in the distant golf-hole to make the aiming more easy and precise. KUBA: Also : Vineeto to Claudiu: You have come to what Richard called the “pen-ultimate step” in your actualism process – leaving humanity, i.e. giving up belonging. To maintain your sincerity you find that you can neither maintain belonging to the actualist camp nor the non-actualist camp nor any other camp. This realisation is naturally quite uncomfortable for ‘me’, both the instinctually felt need to belong in order to survive and the peasant mentality aspect of the social identity. Hence, of course, “it feels like I am doing something ‘wrong’”. (Private email) And this is what I find myself smack bang in the middle, it’s fascinating that abandoning ‘humanity’ means a movement towards pure intent, only pure intent. I always knew that this would eventually be the next step, it’s just that ‘I’ could not quite face the ramifications. It seems the core of the resistance is essentially a fear of being seen as completely insane, and the danger this apparently presents. Although this drama is having very little credibility these days, all it takes is to turn and look over my shoulder, back to where ‘humanity’ is, for a reminder of what exists ‘back there’, then I gladly continue proceeding towards pure intent. VINEETO: I think when you take honest stock you will see that you have already left most of your ‘sane’ experience of belonging to humanity behind, and I guess you wouldn’t even recognize yourself from a couple of years ago. So, yes, this “drama” is more like a phantom and an idea rather than concrete reality and most of it is already left behind. KUBA: But I recognise this as the next step, to abandon ‘humanity’, to no longer have the ability to ‘fit’ into it, to no longer have the capacity to belong or even to relate to other identities, … VINEETO: I can confirm from my own experience that relating to other people is mostly very easy, especially in everyday communication – they are now all fellow human beings and most of them are a joy to interact with. KUBA: I can see in that direction there is only pure intent, also I can see that walking in that direction I might find that I turn back around to see the door back to ‘reality’ closing, how exciting! VINEETO: How wonderfully exciting – I am reminded of ‘Vineeto’s’ last hours – there was so much fun and ease and laughter that ‘she’ missed the moment it happened and only recognized what had happened when it was all over and real-world time had stopped (I had said to Richard, quite casually, “we have all the time in the universe” and that gave it away, lol). Enjoy it – it’s the time of your life. I much appreciate you being here. Cheers Vineeto September 24, 2024 JAMES: correction: “I am drawn forward by pure intent to gladly allow the universe to live me to have af happen.” Does this sound exactly right? VINEETO: Hi James, No, it does not “sound exactly right”. The very fact that you have replaced my phrase of ‘allowing the universe to live me’ with the acronym “af” speaks of a distancing yourself from, and thus watering down (i.e. depreciating), the very quality and magnificence of your ultimate goal. Instead of trying to be more “succinct” (i.e. minimalistic and economical), what is required now is to contemplate at length and in overwhelming depth what your aim actually entails -- to altruistically and willingly abandon what you hold as the most precious thing 'you' are, ‘your self’, in order to be able to leave the 'real' world behind and come into the actual world. Your phrasing “to have af happen” does in no way represent an actual freedom from the human condition, not in those words and hence not in your mind/ consciousness. An actual freedom from the human condition means living the “magical perfection of the purity of this infinite and eternal universe twenty-four hours a day” and experiencing “the purity of life” which “emerges from the perfection that wells up constantly due to in immense stillness which is utterly immense in its scope and magnitude.” (quotes from Richard's Journal, Article Twenty-five). Without a full acknowledgment, a presentiated awareness and a deep appreciation of what you are aiming for, how can you possibly invite and experience pure intent (as described by Richard above) to guide you, to draw you forth, to immerse you in the sweetness and tenderness, which are the qualities of this utterly benignant universe, and to ultimately seduce you to let go, to give up, to abandon what ‘you’ presently hold most dear? As Richard said in the same Article “One has to be daring enough to live it …” KUBA: Wow what an incredible way to describe the goal and the kind of motivation needed, my guess is this is what Alan was referring to back then when he wrote “I wish I could remember exactly what Richard said but that’s the best I can do now.” : Geoffrey: Wait what? Writing “AF” instead of “actually free from the human condition” is watering it down? Alan: It is ‘watering it down’ in the sense that it makes it easy to forget that one’s aim is to be free of the human condition. It is ‘reducing it’, making it sort of matter of fact, no big deal – it isn’t, it is a major thing. I wish I could remember exactly what Richard said but that’s the best I can do now. This post came at a good time because the past week or two it seems I have not been allowing myself to be seduced any further in this way. When I wrote the below post it seemed I was very close – Kub933's Journal – #1115 by Kub933, things were happening exactly in this way, being drawn ever closer to pure intent, with the experiences of sweetness and magic accompanying the movement forward, providing assurance that I am moving closer to my destiny. But this movement has halted somewhat and it is almost as if I have been content to remain where I am, although content is not really the right word, it’s more that there is an obstruction which is holding me back, I am no longer allowing myself to be seduced further. Although the wonderful thing I noticed just now is that the mere fact of me writing this post out has already resumed this seduction haha! KUBA: OK so now the only question I have still is what is the best way to proceed when in that “parenthesis” period. Whether it is about allowing ‘myself’ to experience that pattern fully whilst accepting that this aspect of being seduced further by pure intent will be temporarily stunted. This seems the only way, that ‘I’ have to experience ‘myself’ sufficiently to where ‘I’ am happy once more to continue being unravelled. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I wondered where you disappeared to in the last couple of weeks. (See Vineeto to Kuba, 7 September 2024a) Welcome back. To answer your question, I suggest that you only have to experience the objection or obstruction long enough to be able to name it/ label it. Recognizing it for what it is it will disappear. I suspect it’s only a ghost of an objection, masquerading as a real problem. ;-) Remember, as Richard confirmed, “there are no prerequisites as such to becoming actually free”.. Cheers Vineeto September 24, 2024 KUBA: And yet any stalling only prolongs ‘my’ existence, ‘I’ am programmed to do anything to survive and yet this nature ensures ‘my’ continued suffering. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, When it happens it will be now. Viz: RICHARD: With the absolute certainty/ total absence of choice of the PCE the invocation of destiny (oblivion/ extinction) is the deadly simple and fascinated contemplation of the fact that, as physical death is the end of ‘being’ anyway, it might as well happen sooner rather than later. (The oblivion/ extinction of ‘being’ at physical death is entirely without benefit in regards peace-on-earth whereas the oblivion/ extinction of ‘being’ at this moment in time is entirely beneficial to the host body and of a facilitatory benefit to all other bodies). The fascinated contemplation – ‘fascinated’ as in a moth to a flame – morphs into a pure contemplation (as in an apperceptivity) upon it becoming startlingly apparent as an experiential actuality that this moment in time has no duration. What this means, to an identity for whom time moves (as in past/ present/ future), is that the keep-it-safe extinction of ‘being’ (cunningly projected into some future moment) will be happening now when it does take place. (Time has no duration in actuality; now, being eternal, is already always dynamic in that everything happens now; nothing ever happens in past/ present/ future time). As now is the way, then now is the means; as now is the means, then now is the end ... !Bingo! ... it is no longer possible to distinguish between life being lived and life doing the living as any such cause and effect has vanished without a trace (it never was anyway as time, as in past/ present/ future, has no existence in actuality). This is ‘my’ moment of glory; this is ‘my’ crowning achievement; this makes ‘my’ petty life all worthwhile; this is ‘my’ most noble sacrifice for ‘I’ am what ‘I’ hold most dear; this is ‘my’ legacy for all humankind; ‘my’ reward is to go blessedly into the oblivion ‘I’ have secretly craved all along. ‘My’ extinction made all this possible. Regards, Richard. P.S.: The key-word is: inevitability . (Richard, List D, Rick 3 December 2009) KUBA: I was wondering about the remaining objections that ‘Vineeto’ had right up until self-immolation, but those objections are just means to substantiate ‘myself’, ‘good reasons’ to remain in existence in whatever form, they don’t have any genuine purpose beyond that, hence “there are no prerequisites as such to becoming actually free”, as any ‘prerequisites’ which ‘I’ set for ‘myself’ are a strategy to put off ‘my’ demise into the future. VINEETO: Apart from contemplating the irrevocability of an actual freedom for a day shortly before becoming free, this quote describes ‘Vineeto’s’ “final clue” – The final clue was again about caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind. And that’s what happened. (Direct Route, No.20, 20 Jan 10). In fact the whole sequence summarized by Richard might be informative. (Richard, Lists D, Srinath2 #near-actual-caring) KUBA: This reminds me of I believe Pamela (although I could be wrong) ringing Richard on the day of her becoming actually free, and declaring that she has simply decided she is going to do it, that simple. VINEETO: Just for the record, it was Grace ringing Richard on Thursday, saying she didn’t want to promise something she perhaps couldn’t do but she wanted to become free on the weekend when she would come and join us all in the remote wilderness where we were assembled. And she did become free on that weekend. Yes, it is that simple. Cheers Vineeto September 25, 2024 VINEETO: Hi Kuba, I think you understand what this caring meant in ‘Vineeto’s’ situation which lead to ‘her’ ‘self’-immolation in contrast to what feeling beings usually experience as caring for another but I would like to recapitulate the distinction for everyone’s benefit – Richard: 4. This moment-to-moment experiencing of a caring which is not self-centred/ self-centric provided ‘her’ with the experiential convincement that actualising such caring, via ‘self’-immolation, was the only solution to the human condition; this ‘hands-on’ understanding as a dynamically present feeling-being – an impressively distinct contrast to having been abeyant during PCE’s – left ‘her’ with absolutely no choice (lest ‘she’ be forever “rearranging the deck-chairs on the Titanic”). 5. Since a near-actual caring is, of course, epitomised by a vital interest in the suffering of all human beings coming to an end, forever, as a number one priority, then ‘her’ single-minded focus was essentially centred upon the most immediate way of ensuring this long-awaited global event could begin to take effect the soonest ... to wit: bringing ‘her’ own inevitable demise, at physical death, forward into a liminal imminence. 6. Because the means ‘she’ elected to utilise towards these ends was the near-actual intimacy which goes hand-in-hand with a near-actual caring (*per favour that afore-mentioned absence of self-centredness/ self-centricity which typifies being out-from-control*) … [emphasis added] (Richard, Lists D, Srinath2 #near-actual-caring) KUBA: Am I correctly understanding that in the text you included the “one I cared for most, the one I was closest to” was referring to the flesh and blood body called Vineeto? As in when ‘I’ care enough to give to another what they want the most, ‘I’ am ready to gift it to myself, to manumit this body of ‘my’ bondage. VINEETO: Yes, you could put it that way. This piece of writing occurred shortly after becoming free so I was not necessarily precise in my choice of apostrophes. The “one I cared for most, the one I was closest to” applies to both the time before and after becoming actually free, so could also been written thus: “one ‘I’ cared for most, the one ‘I’ was closest to”. In fact, it was ‘Vineeto’ caring to give Richard what he wanted most – a female becoming actually free⁽*⁾ – which engendered the necessary altruism for ‘self’-immolation to occur – and thus give each what they wanted most – and give every body even more confidence that it is doable. ⁽*⁾ Richard: Incidentally, her words “to give them what they want most” refers to my oft-expressed emphasis on the necessity of a female replicating my condition … (Richard, Lists D, Srinath2 #near-actual-caring) KUBA: But the point is there is this deep caring for a fellow human being to be free, something that is so precious and which ‘I’ care for sincerely. It is this very same caring which can allow ‘me’ to set this body free. VINEETO: Yes, Kuba, such sincere deep caring can indeed become powerful enough to be actualized into a near-actual-caring and consequently engender the necessarily altruism so that you care for the other’s *actual* well-being to such an extent that you are willing to give up ‘your’ own precious ‘self’ to help facilitate it, sooner rather than later. And you are spot on when you write – KUBA: It is easy to downplay the effect that becoming actually free can have on the rest of human kind. But let’s propose a world where ‘Richard’ and ‘Vineeto’ never proceeded towards self-immolation, then it quickly becomes clear just how important it is. No less than actual peace on earth, and no less than human beings living life in full meaning, each moment again. VINEETO: Each single person becoming actually free, especially in this early pioneer stage of actualism, has an enormous and unforeseen influence on the spreading of peace on earth and popularizing the actual world. Cheers Vineeto September 26 2024 VINEETO: Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind. KUBA: I have had a lot of fun contemplating this one, it dawned on me yesterday that the same thing applies in reverse, that I cannot genuinely want a freedom for another which I do not dare to grant myself. But investigating this further I realise this is exactly the normal order of operations within ‘humanity’. Such as urging the other to “not worry about X as you are perfect as you are” and yet being devoured by insecurity oneself. How could I sincerely urge the other to live that which I do not dare to live myself? Surely then I do not know what I speak of. So this kind of operation is a ploy, ‘I’ do not dare to proceed and instead settle for dishing out platitudes, then vicariously receiving some good feelings through urging the other to live that which ‘I’ cannot live myself. The funny thing is that as always everything is back to front within ‘humanity’, because those who operate exactly in this way are seen as good and selfless… “Look how little they think of themselves and yet they urge all others to love themselves!” Yet the only fitting words I can pick for such a persona is a fraud and a hypocrite, and ‘they’ know this deep down hence the need to remain humble. [...]. *So in the end whichever side I look from it is the same thing, and the outcome can only be action.* [emphasis added] VINEETO: Hi Kuba, What a brilliant description how it all hangs together and it exposes both compassion and ‘doing good’ for the ineffective and often harmful values they are. I especially like your observation that “everything is back to front within ‘humanity’” and the green ‘extinction rebellion’ or the proponents for committing suicide who themselves have to go on living in order to spread the word are two of the more extreme examples. But what you describe is apparent in every aspect of the highly praised so-called selfless and charitable display, only differing in the various localized and ephemeral morals and ethics of 'virtuous' behaviour. Once one can see through this charade (and I am not denying genuine kindness and practical help within the human condition) then one knows with certainty that anything ‘I’ can do, including helping others to become actually free, can only go as far as ‘I’ have done it myself. ‘Vineeto’ was very aware of this fact, and more painfully so as the years went on, which in turn increased ‘her’ sincere intent to stop prevaricating, until the day ‘she’ could put it off no longer. As you say – “So in the end whichever side I look from it is the same thing, and the outcome can only be action.” KUBA: [...] I can see now that self-immolation is very much about making use of the instincts in order to end the instincts, but how? I can see that oblivion is something which ‘I’ secretly desire, and yet ‘I’ have a fundamental limitation here, because ‘I’ am programmed to survive at all cost. So ‘my’ very nature prevents ‘me’ doing that which ‘I’ secretly desire. However there is like an ‘override button’ there is a way around this seeming impossibility. It is altruism, another aspect of ‘my’ programming. VINEETO: Exactly, and (biological) altruism is the stronger of aspect of the two, simply because in an evolutionary sense the survival of the species overrides the survival of the individual. And an actual freedom from malice and sorrow is very clearly the next evolutionary step, not only for the survival of the species but more so for the ultimate prospering of the human race. (see) Cheers Vineeto September 30 2024 KUBA: […] If this is what ‘we’ all want then the obvious thing is to practically proceed towards doing it, sooner rather than later. As the alternative is for ‘me’ and ‘humanity’ to continue wasting time and energy on those temporary escapes which inevitably bring about the madness that is seen all around. So ‘I’ know that ‘I’ wish for ‘my’ own demise, but of course ‘I’ am not fully on board otherwise it would have happened already. So I have been exploring what is left, what components of ‘humanity’ are being saved and what for? Then contrasting those with the experience of that blessed anonymity where life lives itself. What a cool adventure to embark on, to consciously and willingly orient all of ‘myself’ towards that desire for ‘my’ ending, and for it all to have such a practicality to it also haha! I notice that in my life I always had the tendency to proceed forward only when the sense and practicality of a course of action finally clicked, as in once it makes sense to do something I simply do it, but I do not do it merely because it seems like a good idea. It seems it is no different with self-immolation, as in there has to be not a single objection left, and once it clicks that this is obviously the most sensible course of action, then it happens. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, While this is eminently a sensible course of action for most actions in life and to a certain degree for becoming actually free, the last step cannot follow the same pattern. Once you sorted out everything you can sensibly sorting out, you will by its very nature do something you have never done before – manumit your ‘self’. This last step is something entirely new in your life and is necessarily a jump from the known into the unknown (which you had glimpses of). But you cannot reason it out in advance – you cannot rely on your trusted sensible pattern of action. That’s why Richard emphasizes that actualism is not scientific, it is experiential. To succeed, you will have to dare to care, to care so deeply that you dare to do something, to allow something to happen, that has never happened to you before. This aspect of it is an immense daring and hence it needs a deep and abiding caring – and then, in the blink of an eye, you are here, here where you belong. KUBA: I remember a zoom with Geoffrey where he mentioned [obviously this could not actually happen and was just a thought experiment] that if he was to become an identity he would simply self immolate in 5 minutes, after checking out what it is like. It would be that simple because it is the most sensible course of action. VINEETO: It made me chuckle. It isthe most sensible course of action, of course :) Cheers Vineeto September 30 2024 KUBA: I was always immensely impressed by Richard’s intent, how he did it with no precedent, through enlightenment and right into insanity as classed through ‘human wisdom’, the whole way on his own (but never alone). Maybe that gives some idea of the kind of intent needed, even though the way is much clearer now. I amended this post just now to add the “(but never alone)” and realised the significance of this… That is how he was able to do it. Of course it is referring to pure intent. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Exactly. Just for emphasis, here is how Richard expressed it – • [Richard]: “One knows, from the perfection of freedom from ‘human nature’ as evidenced in the PCE, that it is possible to live the actuality that is already always here. What ‘I’ do is unreservedly allow ‘my’ eventual demise to occur. It is not for the faint of heart or the weak of knee … but pure intent, born out of the connection between one’s inherent naïveté and the perfection of the infinitude of this physical universe, will provide one with the necessary intestinal fortitude. And once embarked upon the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom, you are not on your own: this perfection is with you all the way … but if you waver, you are indeed doing it on your own”. (Richard, List D, No. 17, 11 July 2015) and: ALAN: As you said in one of your posts (approximately), it is an irresistible pull, a momentum and impetus which is not of ‘my’ doing. RICHARD: Yes, once altruistically set in motion, a momentum happens of its own accord. One knows, from the perfection of freedom from the human condition as evidenced in the PCE, that it is possible to live the actuality that is already always here. What ‘I’ do is unreservedly allow ‘my’ eventual demise to occur … pure intent, born out of the connection between one’s inherent naiveté and the perfection of the infinitude of this physical universe, will provide one with the necessary intestinal fortitude. And once embarked upon the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom, you are not on your own: this perfection is with you all the way … but if you waver, you are indeed doing it on your own. It is a matter of having the courage of your convictions and letting nothing stand in your way; determination and perseverance are the essential prerequisites to ensure success … coupled with application and diligence. One finds one must – one needs must actually do it – for no one else will do it for you as no one else can do it for you. And although one may think and feel that it would be a lonely journey to take on one’s own it is not … it is the most joyous escapade one can ever enter into. It is the jaunt of a lifetime. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Alan-b, 13 December 1999) Cheers Vineeto September 30 2024 KUBA: Now I realise that going out from control (which is a different way of ‘being’) is small potatoes compared with ‘my’ total extinction. But it was a qualitative shift of sorts so I can see that I cannot know what something is like before it is experienced, and of course this applies to ‘my’ self-immolation, as Richard wrote in his journal: [Richard]: Just like one cannot know the taste of something until one eats it … so too is it with death as the end of ‘being’ I remember specifically from my PCEs that I find myself in a completely different world, and this is not hyperbole, it is a whole new world. So with the ending of ‘being’ this body finds itself firmly and irrevocably in that whole new world, with ‘me’ and ‘reality’ having never actually existed in the first place. So yes I can see that there is no way ‘I’ could possibly reason this out in advance, actually it’s kind of funny to consider that ‘I’ might even try. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, It’s a delight to read your posts. Yes, the actual world cannot be imagined and neither can ‘being’ conceive of ever not ‘being’ and that is truly “funny to consider that ‘I’ might even try”. It will save you a lot of head-ache to not even try What you can do is have supreme confidence that you know what you are heading for, from you experiences of you PCEs and the pure intent born from your PCEs and from experiencing it during your out-from-control period. KUBA: So this is good news actually! Because there is no recipe, and as there is no recipe there are no steps to follow, as there are no steps to follow then now is both the way and the means. VINEETO: It is good news indeed and it’s great you can experience it that way. Now you know for certain that there are *no* conditions to becoming actually free and hence nothing is standing in the way for ‘you’ to allow it to happen. * VINEETO: To succeed, you will have to dare to care, to care so deeply that you dare to do something, to allow something to happen, that has never happened to you before. This aspect of it is an immense daring and hence it needs a deep and abiding caring – and then, in the blink of an eye, you are here, here where you belong. KUBA: This is just wonderful advice, received clearly and with much appreciation It reminds me of Srinath’s report of becoming free: [Srinath]: The enormity of this dawned on me suddenly like it never had before. The enormity of what I had to give up. It took my breath away This is the kind of daring and the kind of care we are talking about. I can see it will take a once in a lifetime dedication to have it happen, something ‘I’ have never done before and will never do again. Indeed what a time to be alive! VINEETO: It is utterly thrilling to stand on the threshold of what you wanted to happen for so long, and from my experience it is also like coming home because it has been so familiar from the PCEs – the ones which told me that this is how I wanted to live for the rest of my life – just much, much more. I greatly appreciate both your daring and your caring to go all the way. As you so aptly say “now is both the way and the means”. Cheers Vineeto October 01 2024 KUBA: So I was watching some reality TV with Sonyaxx last night, one of my favourite past times as I get to observe and comment on the various aspects of the human condition playing out :laughing: Anyway there was a brilliant shot of the full moon showing the many craters that pretty much cover it’s whole surface. This got me contemplating on the nature of time and no longer interested in the ‘human’ drama playing out haha. I just googled this and each square kilometre patch of the moon only gets hit by an object the size of a ping pong ball or larger roughly once per every thousand years or so. So looking at the many craters it dawned on me just what an enormous length of time the moon has been here to collect them all. And yet has any time actually passed as in *then* and *now*? Because the moon has only ever been here now, where this moment is happening. When those asteroids hit millions of years ago it was also this moment, it happened now as time does not move in actuality. I realised what Richard referred to when he said that this moment has no duration as in *now* and *then*, it takes no interval at all to arrive now So this “enormous length of time” equally took no interval to happen, it has always been this moment even those millions of years ago. So I realise there is 3 ways in which time is experienced, there is psychological time (past/present/future) as experienced by ‘me’, there is the domesticated human time which is the relative measure of objects moving through space, and then there is actual time which has no duration. There is something very freeing in the experience of actual time, in experiencing the fact that this moment has no duration, everything that happens, happens now. Any attempt at inserting an interval is to remove oneself from this moment, to segregate A an B and then compare them according to an external measure, then to call the relative movement of A vs B actual time is a mistake – for ‘me’ to live inside this creation is to be locked out of actual time. It seems the freeing aspect of actual time is the fact that this body is locked securely in it, as it is always this moment it is impossible to be anywhere but here now. As it is always this moment there is no distance at all which needs to be bridged between *now* and *then*. That distance exists only in ‘my’ reality and it is a painful distance. As ‘I’ am locked out of time ‘I’ have to resort to various coping mechanisms in order to continue bridging that gap, when no gap exists there is no longer a need for any of these. VINEETO: Hi Kuba I sounds like you had a glimpse – or more than a glimpse – of infinitude, having all the time in the universe. And it wasn’t frightening, it was utterly wonder-ful. Cheers Vineeto October 06 2024 KUBA: It seems the reason ‘I’ have not been willing to allow self-immolation thus far is simply because ‘I’ am not willing to give ‘myself’ up. I remember at the beginning I always had this tick list of things I wanted to achieve to ‘set the scene’ for becoming actually free – Have plenty of PCEs (check), arrive at a virtual freedom (check), have a thorough understanding of the human condition (check), being out from control I did not even consider a possibility but now its a (check). And yet here ‘I’ am still, and in a sense ‘I’ am no closer (or further) to self-immolation now than ‘I’ was initially, indeed there are no conditions. The ‘setting the scene’ is more what is done in the meantime whilst the decision to allow self-immolation is being made, while the case for a life free of ‘I/me’ is under review. I was considering this just now and I notice that maintaining ‘myself’ benefits nobody, funnily enough ‘I’ experience ‘myself’ to be this ‘precious thing’. So precious and yet ‘I’ am rotten to ‘my’ very core… ‘My’ continued existence benefits absolutely nobody and yet ‘I’ am felt to be so precious? So indeed ‘I’ will give up what ‘I’ hold most dear, ‘my’ precious rotten ‘self’. This is seen as an inevitability at this point, there is perfection and purity beckoning and then there is this precious rotten ‘me’. I remember Richard describing ‘being’ as this pearl nestled ‘inside’, this is exactly how I experience ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being, so very precious and so very rotten : Richard: In that crystal-clear fully-lucid hypnopompic state ‘I’ was able to penetrate deeply into ‘myself’ at the core of ‘my’ being (which is ‘being’ itself) – or, rather, the penetration took place via ‘my’ full acquiescence – and there, in the centre of all the feelings swirling around, the essence of who ‘I’ am lay gorgeously exposed … not all that unlike a beautiful rosy pearl, nestled coyly amidst the delicate fleshy tissue of its host, in its shimmering nacreous shell. (Richard, List D, No. 11, 16 November 2009). I can see that this last part cannot be reasoned out, as in it cannot happen despite all the ‘good reasons’ to do it, what is being given up is too precious for ‘me’. It will have to be an experiential involvement, a powerful force (altruism) to allow the undoing of a powerful force (‘being’), and pure intent is that something outside of ‘me’ which will provide the leverage. VINEETO: Hi Kuba Well said … you cannot reason your way out. What you could do is what Geoffrey did – laugh. Geoffrey: For a split second I saw like a veil in front of me. I saw how I could be on the other side of the ‘mirror’, on the safe side, the magical side, how I could… But there was a last second resistance: My precious! I will not give away my precious! Later on the way back, I was thinking about this ‘precious’ thing, how only here on this tiny planet right now there are 7 billion people just as ‘unique’ and ‘precious’ as my self, when it clicked… and I burst into laughter. This was simply hilarious. Everybody is so precious. I must then be SO precious hahaha. Every little ‘me’ waging wars against other little ‘me’ because they are so precious. Whereas they are just the same product of evolution and animal passions, with the same hiding place, the same hunger, the same dirtiness. You can’t be serious! (Becoming Free Report, Geoffrey). It doesn’t have to be a drama, it could be a comedy. :) Cheers Vineeto 25 October 2024 KUBA: This persistence of the guardian after self immolation means that really there is no excuse not to do it right away. I appreciate these kinds of conversations need to be had carefully as not to muddy the waters, I think now is a good and safe time to have them, with Vineeto’s involvement on the forum. I would advise for others to remain cautious of what I wrote however. VINEETO: Hi Kuba, Indeed there is no excuse not to self-immolate right away. Since Richard wrote the “Formation and Persistence of Social Identity” we know that the social identity/guardian persists after self-immolation and that it needs to be observed carefully and dealt with afterwards. However, as I stated, when the instinctual passions and the feeling being formed thereof are extinct it is, much easier to diligently re-examine any false notions one may have picked up about what is actual. I like your advice for anyone to be cautious, because the social identity can still create non-passionate but nevertheless false identities. KUBA: Now my next question is, where does agency fall in this regard? Does agency disappear completely with the feeling being or is agency wrapped up with the societal aspects, as in does this “wraithlike presence” attempt to assert some form of agency, even after the dissolution of the feeling being? It seems it does as it – “dictates ‘how an actual freedom should be acted out’”. VINEETO: The question about agency (as a general term) is inconclusive because agency applies to feelings, social identity and acting as a fully free person with pure intent. Even if I go shopping, I employ agency for timing or shopping list, for instance, so agency is still needed. Just one definition (there are more in the Abditorium) – • agency: intervening action towards an end; action personified; a source of action towards an end. ~ (Oxford Dictionary) Agency is used at any stage of your process. Perhaps you can specify what exactly you mean by the agency in question or use another word. So far I have to guess too much in order to properly answer your query. Cheers Vineeto
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