## Vineeto’s Reports ## on Being Out-from-Control in a Different Way of Being 16 JANUARY 2010 Hi James, JAMES: Is it necessary for a PCE to be happening prior to or during for the event to happen? VINEETO: No. In fact PCEs became more rare the closer I got to an actual freedom. In hindsight I think that I was so well aware of the identity, even in its most reclusive form that it could no longer go into abeyance in order for a full-blown PCE to occur. Instead I experienced more often the brilliance and delight of being here albeit fully aware of the thin veil that separated me from the actual world. In fact, in her period of being out-from-control Pamela commented on how much better this experience (of being out-from-control) was than her 5-months PCE and she explained that her PCE was a static experience while being out-from-control was exemplified by the progress of coming closer and closer to the actual world. I could not agree more. The intensity of my intent of becoming free rapidly increased in the last four-and-a-half weeks of my being out-from-control so much so that I felt that I could not contain ‘myself’ much longer and my PCEs lay way back on the path as a distant faded memory that could not compare with the thrilling potency of reaching my destiny. JAMES: Thank you Vineeto, this is very well said and is exactly what I needed to know. It is very helpful. VINEETO: You are very welcome. JAMES: Could you specifically define out-from-control as opposed to a PCE? VINEETO: For general background information of how the term out-from-control is used in regards achieving an actual freedom I recommend the recent posts of Richards on the Yahoo list, collected in the selected correspondence under the topic of out-from-control. (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Dynamic Virtual Freedom) My period of being out-from-control started when I (metaphorically speaking) traversed the ‘wall of fear’, described by Richard as ‘a fear so vast as to best be called dread’ occurring at the ‘utter imminence’ at the gate to an actual freedom. (see first pop-up footnote). Richard described it this way in a private email about me – Richard: ‘Vineeto, who is now fully out-from-control/in a fully different-way-of-being, and thus on my side of that enormous wall of fear completely encircling all of humankind, ...’ (24.12.2009) During this period, which for me personally lasted about four-and-a-half weeks before it culminated in the final event on January 5, 2010, I experienced an ever-increasing pull to move forward into what I clearly and unambiguously recognized as my destiny – an irrevocable freedom from the human condition. It set in motion a process that was to undo all of my remaining bonds to humanity, my residue of inhibitions, my last hesitations and any and all lingering doubts. Having finally arrived at being out-from-control, living the ‘beer’ rather than being the ‘doer’, filled me with a previously unknown confidence and certainty that ‘my’ redemption was indeed nigh. To step out from control was a step deliberately taken, after sufficient clearing of the ground, so to speak, and after sufficiently ascertaining that what I wanted was indeed what I was aiming for (the genuine article of an actual freedom). Taking that step ‘I’ then willingly and with intent gave myself permission to allow the universe to pull me forward ever more strongly into the hitherto entirely unknown territory that lay between me and the ultimate goal. Many weird and whacky, as well as magical and wonderful events happened, which I won’t relate here because they were only relevant for the first two pioneers of the direct route to an actual freedom. What I can say, however is that being out-from-control, living on the actual freedom side of the wall of fear, enabled an ever-increasing near-apperceptive attentiveness that allowed me to breeze through one of the most intense panic attacks I ever experienced. Richard has described one of those panic attacks during his own out-from-control period as experiencing himself as if ‘sitting on a huge mountain of dread with his hands in his pocket whistling a tune’. I fully concur with his description as far as my own experience of this particular panic attack was concerned. Despite the physical contractions and the racing of panicky thoughts there was an overall (...) background awareness, aka near-apperceptive attentiveness, that all is well and that the material universe is indeed utterly benign. The other observation from this period of being out-from-control worth sharing, I was able to make when ‘No. 4(D)’ came for a visit. I remember clearly one day sitting in a circle of 5 friends, utterly relaxed despite the fact that I had never met one of them in person, and I noticed that I had no personal agenda whatsoever, no plan to stir the conversation into a particular direction, nothing to emphasize or hide, no self-centredness or favouritism, no shame, shyness, embarrassment, no power or drive – I was just being myself as I was. I sat in this group, as one of many, and my sole interest was that everyone present (including me as one of those present) enjoyed themselves/ obtained the maximum benefit from our meeting. I experienced myself as being unreservedly at ease and utterly benign and wasn’t driven to say anything unless it contributed to the overall quality of the conversation. Compared to being out-from-control, a PCE is an often brief, always temporary, glimpse into the actual world, very informative and marvellous in its own right, but a period whereby the identity is statically in abeyance and remains unchanged until it emerges again after the PCE has faded. During the period of being out-from-control the identity (being the ‘beer’ as opposed to being the in-control ‘doer’) gallops ahead closer and closer to her/his destiny. It is an absolutely thrilling, marvellous and wonderful time of adventure and if there has to be a blaze of glory in the overall story to an actual freedom, this is definitely IT. Direct Route, James, 16 Jan 2010 17 JANUARY 2010 JAMES: [...] The question now is: Can I act on this sense of urgency before it languishes and then exactly how do I act on it from where I am to expedite this process sooner rather than later? VINEETO: The confidence gained from successfully overcoming animosity can serve you well in overcoming the fear/dread you talked about with Richard in 2001/2002. This fear, at the core of one’s being, cannot be overcome for one’s personal ‘peace of mind’ as that would only result in dissociation or even enlightenment. The way to overcome this fear, once and for all, in my experience, is to set one’s goal higher/ further than mere personal gain/personal peace and aim for that which will be for the benefit of another, someone close for instance, and ultimately for everyone. This overcoming of fear in turn will set in motion, as Richard put it: ‘the process of actualism (being out-from-control, being the ‘beer’ instead of the ‘doer’) wherein a momentum not of ‘my’ doing takes over and an inevitability sets in’. (Richard, List D, No.12, 9 Dec 2009a). Peter and I compared notes about our respective processes of becoming free and, making sense about it in hindsight, have determined what makes the process replicable for everyone. The key component for both of us had been caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. To put it in context of my own experiences: Over the years I increasingly allowed myself to dare to care for my fellow human beings, and gave up dissociating, rationalizing and turning away from the plight of humanity, something which I had practiced as a kind of ‘self’-defence during my spiritual years. I instead gave myself permission to become acutely aware of their pain and suffering, which was also ‘my’ pain and suffering. This in turn increased the urgency to do something about the human condition in myself in order to set others free from my suffering and animosity with the added intention that after becoming actually free I would be able to show by example how others who are interested could do it for themselves. I had also entered a contract with Peter to look at everything that stood in the way of peace and harmony/ intimacy between us. I discovered that I needed to perceive him not as an extension of ‘me’ (as is usual in normal relationships), a projection of ‘my’ needs and preferences but as a fellow human being in his own right – and my caring for him meant whittling away my identity as much as possible in order to give him (and me) the intimacy we both yearned for. When I finally overcame the wall of fear it initiated the process of being out-from-control and the resulting intimacy with my fellow human beings (not only Peter but everyone) became stunningly available as I have described in my last post (see above). My own agenda had become so irrelevant that ‘I’ was able to take a back seat and let events take care of themselves. My only agenda then, the only thing that I wanted like I never wanted anything before, was to finish the process, to become actually free. The final clue was again about caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind. And that’s what happened. Good hey. Direct Route, James, 17 Jan 2010 26 JANUARY 2010 VINEETO: (…) My only agenda then, the only thing that I wanted like I never wanted anything before, was to finish the process, to become actually free. The final clue was again about caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind. And that’s what happened. Good hey. JAMES: I understand what you are saying about caring and intimacy. I’m not presently in a one on one relationship but I have noticed more of a caring and intimacy with others that I come in contact with, especially since my animosity toward you has dissolved and since talking with you. Actually, I have sensed an intimacy with you. Also, I have become much closer to my maid and I care for her more than before. VINEETO: This near-actual caring and near-actual intimacy that Peter and I are talking about is built upon the experience gained from being as harmless and happy as humanly possible, of course. Being harmless is not only being free of the intent to cause harm but also to be aware of the consequences of one’s actions in regard to other people. * JAMES: PS: This caring that you talked about seems contagious. I am definitely caring more and it is making a big difference for me and for others that I come in contact with. Something is happening. I am closer and more intimate with people and they are very friendly and helpful to me. I don’t want to get carried away and call this actual caring yet but it seems that way. VINEETO: I found it essential to make a difference between feeling caring – the normal way people try to care while they often create havoc with the best of (feeling) intentions – and near-actual caring (only an actually free person has actual caring but as an identity ‘I’ can get pretty close to it, hence the term near-actual caring). The later consists of being considerate, giving practical help if needed, recognizing the other person’s needs as distinct from one’s own agenda (as an extension of one’s own ‘self’-interest), and having a general benevolent attitude towards one’s fellow human beings. It is a lovely way to relate to one’s fellow human beings! Direct Route, James, 26 Jan 2010 26 JANUARY 2010 VINEETO: In the weeks before I became free all I wanted was to become free – nothing else was of any importance, not what other actualists on the list were saying, not what my family or clients would say, not even what would happen after I became free. My focus was single-pointed and without that single-pointed intent I would not have become free. To leave humanity (everyone of them) behind is the penultimate step to an actual freedom – without doing that you will go around in circles forever and a day. Direct Route, No. 10, 26 Jan 2010 24 JANUARY 2010 SUBSCRIBER No. 22: Next, to my fellow Vineeto: 1 – Do you think the approximated time to achieve Actual Freedom by direct route is about 13 years or less? Maybe this long period is necessary to prepare the brain cells and synapses first by a virtual freedom before a sudden awakening in Actual Freedom. What do you think about this? VINEETO: Richard has repeatedly reported about the significance of Irene’s death – Richard: ‘What was taken out of the network – a psychic web connecting all feeling ‘beings’ – was the anti-actualism/ pro-spiritualism blockage/ diversion created by my second (de jure) wife’s ‘presence’ ... as in ‘her’ very ‘being’ (which is ‘being’ itself).’ (Announcement 1). – and the significance of the event that soon transpired thereafter – Richard: ‘...within the hour I was as if lifted forward by a cresting wave (to utilise surfing terminology), impressing upon Vineeto the necessity of being out-from-control/in a different-way-of being (most unusual of me to do so), and have been effortlessly riding this perfect wave ever since (to allegorise the ultimate surfing experience); the momentum gathered apace on the fourth day of Respondent No. 4(D)’s visit (a quite essential validation of the ambience-atmosphere-milieu golden thread/ clew experiment); thereafter an analogy akin to that of a maestro conducting an orchestra is suggestive of the actual in action – all the while insouciantly atop this most perfect wave ...’ (Announcement 1). While practicing actualists all over the world are beginning to report the possible effects of this event on themselves, this removal of the pro-spiritualism blockage/diversion may well speed up everyone’s process to a virtual freedom and an actual freedom Additional to this, the magical aspect in the unfolding of events Peter, and later myself, have not only pioneered the direct route to an actual freedom (bypassing Spiritual Enlightenment) but also the transition to an actual freedom has happened in an easy manner without mammoth death-like dramas, mountains of fear and dread nor terrifying side-effects. As such the direct route path to an actual freedom has now become more accessible and more available for those who dare to care enough to take the ultimate step. Personally I can say that it helped me a lot to have sufficient grounding in both an in-control virtual freedom (being sufficiently free from malice and sorrow and have at least a basic experiential understanding of how the human condition works in both myself and others) but this grounding and understanding can be achieved in a much shorter time, of course. This not only makes the transitions from one aspect of virtual freedom to the next more smooth and safe, it also gives me less to tidy up after becoming actually free. That said, there is no reason why one shouldn’t become actually free first and do the cleaning up afterwards when feelings no longer obstruct/prolong the tidying up process. Direct Route, No. 22, 24 Jan 2010 20 JANUARY 2010 SUBSCRIBER No. 20: First, that is interesting, I wondered how important the interactions with flesh and blood Richard were in general, and especially during the transition. It is good to know you do not see it as necessary at all. VINEETO: Given that both Peter and I pioneered the direct route to an actual freedom – not via the torturous route of spiritual enlightenment – Richard, an experienced guiding hand, who had lived in the actual world for 17 years, was invaluable for us. For the first two people to become actually free after Richard it was of immense benefit to have both his guidance and his physical presence in order to ascertain 1) that this actual world is an utterly safe and a perfectly playful place and 2) that it was indeed the actual world I was aiming for and not some delusionary bubble of ‘my’ own making. Further it was obvious for me that it would be Richard who would facilitate and trigger my transition into an actual freedom because he was the most obvious person with whom a near-actual intimacy would change into an actual intimacy – simply because Richard had been my guide and mentor for the last 13 years and particularly so for the period since I stepped out-from-control. As I have written to James recently – The final clue was again about caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind. And that’s what happened. Direct Route, James, 17 Jan 2010 Direct Route, No. 20, Jan 2010 17 JANUARY 2010 VINEETO: A PCE has a static quality to it as the identity is in abeyance and temporarily ‘allows’ this flesh and blood body a brief glimpse into the actual world whereas an actual freedom is the dynamic vital in-depth and for-ever ongoing experience of the magic quality of actuality each moment again. SUBSCRIBER No. 10: Ha, your blowing my mind. lol. A PCE is static while an actual freedom dynamic? I was always under the impression that a PCE and an actual freedom were essentially the same experience save for one being temporary and the other permanent. Though, I do think I can sort of fathom what you mean here. If you could elucidate this any further though, it would be appreciated. VINEETO: It’s quite simple – during a PCE the identity is in abeyance and as such the identity does not change during a PCE and not necessarily after. Until the identity has done his/her job of willingly abandoning ‘self’-control and thus becomes free from the human condition, the corporeal body will remain enslaved by his/her emotional/ instinctually driven whims. In an actual freedom this body simply does, and enjoys doing, whatever needs to be done including doing the next thing that obviously needs doing so as to enable other human beings to enjoy the same freedom, magic and perfection as this body does. * SUBSCRIBER No. 10: This ‘sweetness’ that is talked about is still affective? So, it is as close as a feeling-entity can be to actual freedom, but it is not as close to actual freedom as a PCE? VINEETO: Peter wrote in his report – Peter: ‘a sweetness that was palpable rather than feeling based. I heard the words ‘This is not only for me, this is for everybody’ as I was literally being bathed in this sweetness.’ I reported that ‘I had known this sweetness from previous occasions – one such experience happened during the video-shoot of the ‘Out-from-Control’ DVD we present on the website. This sweetness always accompanied an experience (...) that I was close to my destiny and an awareness that what I am doing/ longing for is not merely for my ‘peace of mind’, but that it is for everybody, for every single man, woman and child on the planet – for peace on earth.’ This experience of sweetness is about being close to one’s destiny (actual freedom) whereas a PCE is a glimpse into the actual world that can happen to anyone at any time anywhere/ anywhen on the path/ during the process to one’s destiny. SUBSCRIBER No. 10: So this sweetness being ‘palpable rather than feeling based’ is to mean that it is a mostly sensate sweetness? VINEETO: I think Peter has answered that one already in his post to No. 9 – SUBSCRIBER No. 9: Congratulations Peter and Vineeto I’m so happy to hear of your success!!!! I’d like to hear more about the quality of sweetness that you describe. It seems unfamiliar so I’m probably misunderstanding it. PETER: Hi No. 9, I’ll just repost what I had written about this stage of my becoming actually free so as to put any comments I might make into context. Peter: ‘Some time in the evening of a day of delightfully relaxed reminiscings, reflections and musings, I leaned forward wondering what it was like for Richard living in the actual world of people, things and events as distinct from living in a self-created illusionary bubble of one’s own making. Wondering about the nature of his experiencing, I suddenly became aware of a quite extraordinary sweetness – a sweetness that was palpable rather than feeling based. I heard the words ‘This is not only for me, this is for everybody’ as I was literally being bathed in this sweetness. ‘This all-consuming experience of sweetness lasted perhaps less that a minute but this precursor left me with the utter confidence to proceed further into the actual world – indeed it was so seductive an experience that I was literally compelled to investigate further. Peter, Announcement As I indicate the nature of this experience of sweetness was palpable (as in sensate-like, although the sweetness was not accompanied by either taste, touch, smell sensations, nor did it have any auditory or visual aspects to it) rather than being feeling based. Also the reason I added a footnote to the experience of sweetness is that it was an experience I had that indicated for me what lay at the end of my path to actual freedom – what I later took to be a ‘sensuous direct experience of the benignity, purity and perfection of the paradisaical playground-like world that flesh and blood body-only humans actually live in.’ Richard, in his inserted note on the exact same event, wrote – Richard: ‘... as he had profound intimation of words portraying the philanthropic nature of altruistic ‘self’-sacrifice he expressed how sweet ‘his’ ending was to be; he spoke with soft intensity of how ‘he’ would go gladly into a sweetness of such all-consuming magnitude, of how sweetful a demise it was such that no human could ever have possibly wished for; of how there was no (expected) fear so vast as to best be called dread whatsoever; of how there was no darkness, no blackness, no abyss, no whatever, at all but, instead, only this incredible all-encompassing sweetness to go blessedly (my word not his) into oblivion with.’ Long Awaited Announcement I have no doubt that I also said these words given that the pre-actually free Peter’s intention (as well as Vineeto’s intention) all along had been to lay a direct route path to an actual freedom (avoiding Enlightenment) and he could see no reason that such a direct route should be as torrid, tortuous or traumatic as experienced by the initial discoverer of the actual world of people, things and events. the sweetness he experienced at the end of his path could be seen as a sign of success in that the path he pioneered together with Vineeto did not lead to a traumatic end for ‘him’ but a sweet, smooth and seamless transition to becoming actually free from the human condition. A careful reading of my account of becoming actually free as compared to Vineeto’s account will reveal that my account talks of a three stage process, the first of which was my experience of sweetness whereas Vineeto’s account mentions only a single notable event remarkably similar to my last stage. Given this variance it appears that my particularly outstanding experience of a palpable sweetness could very well be unique only to me given my role as a pioneer of this new direct route (with the usual caution given the small evidence sample thus far) and the most outstanding memory I have of what I said at the time was that ‘This is not only for me, this is for everybody’ – a patently obvious demonstration of an actual caring for others in action. I also advise re-reading Vineeto’s account for her differing but similar description of her experiences of sweetness in the days leading up to ‘her’ demise so that you can gain a fuller understanding of the ‘quality of sweetness’ for yourself and by yourself. I also recommend reading Vineeto’s response to No. 10’s question dated posted on Friday, January 15, 2010 on the Direct Route mail-out for more of her experiences of sweetness. In short, this is an excellent topic to muse over as it is about the crucial role that a near-actual caring for one’s fellow human beings plays in the process of becoming actually free. In fact, what is evident is that without this vital ingredient in one’s intent the whole pursuit of an actual freedom will remain an utterly ‘self’-centred desire – doomed to perpetual stagnation and ongoing failure. Given that I had only one mentor to follow, I know that I spent a good deal of time and effort in checking out Richard’s experiences and seeing if they worked for me – I had to chuckle at No. 4(D)’s recent report of attempting to die as I spent many a night in a futile attempt to do the same. Given that there are now two reports of the direct route and presumably more to follow sooner rather than later, it is important to take note of the similarities – what may well be generic (applicable to all) – and what may well be specific (individual idiosyncrasies). Again it is important to point out what was most important aspect of ‘my’ freedom (and confirmed by Vineeto’s subsequent freedom) – Peter: ‘What pleases me most about becoming actually free of the human condition is how easy it was for me, which means that there is no reason that it should not be equally easy for those who will follow in my footsteps, and Vineeto has already proven that this is the case.’ Peter, Announcement As I said at the end of my report – Such perfection ... To which I would now add – and such magic! Direct Route, No.9, 16.Jan 2010) 17 JANUARY 2010 Hi Rick, VINEETO in ‘Announcement’: ‘Those last few days of Vineeto, the identity, were filled with playfulness and laughter and thus provided me with a carefree environment for the last explorations of just what were my remaining obstacles and inhibitions to joining my fellow convivialists in the actual world.’ RICK: Vineeto, if I may ask, just what were those ‘remaining obstacles and inhibitions to joining [your] fellow convivialists in the actual world’? VINEETO: Sexuality and authority. RICK: Also, neither Peter or Vineeto experienced the drama of death and no ‘going out in a blaze of glory’. Any guesses as to how come? VINEETO: Richard’s reports in regards to becoming free describe the experiences of the very first man to become free from the human condition, via the route of Spiritual Enlightenment. Peter and I from the start had the benefit of Richard’s hindsight and followed his advice to avoid the Rock of Enlightenment. None of us (including Richard) knew exactly what would happen once we both were out-from-control (see my post to James 16.1.2010). What emerged was that by making a once-in-a-lifetime decision to step out-from-control (past the wall of fear) the issue of the drama of death was replaced by an ever-increasing exciting, sometimes thrilling pull forward towards an actual freedom. Fear of my personal death was replaced by the pure intent to do this (becoming actually free) not only for my personal benefit but for the benefit of everybody /for peace on earth for everybody. As for the ‘going out in a blaze of glory’ here is what I wrote to James yesterday – It [the period of being out-from-control before becoming actually free] is an absolutely thrilling, marvellous and wonderful time of adventure and if there has to be a blaze of glory in the overall story to an actual freedom, this is definitely IT. RICK: How was it when you guys let Richard know that you had joined him? What was his reaction? Did he start ‘dancing down the hall with joy and delight!’? VINEETO: Ha, a day after I returned, after a short leave of absence, Richard and Peter performed an hilarious impromptu stomping dance in the living room around a mock campfire, celebrating their newly-formed mateship for life (Peter just having joined Richard in the actual world). A few days later Richard presented his newly-found mate with an old-fashioned handcrafted two-litre wooden barrel full of quality whiskey to celebrate this special epoch-changing event and all the following occasions when a celebratory drink may be in order. After I told Richard and Peter of my pivotal moment when time stood still forever (because the identity that kept count of real-time had disappeared forever) we talked for a while about the profound significance of the event and then went back to even more frivolous bantering amongst us with a glass of excellent red wine, until it was time to go to sleep and, for me, to allow my brain to integrate the potential physical/ neural implications and ramifications of what had happened a few hours earlier. RICK: And I must ask you both for my clarification: There is not now nor has there been a trace, since each of your respective life-changing events occurred, of the most miniscule proportions of even a smidgen of fear, insecurity, or discontent of any kind, correct? VINEETO: No, not as a feeling. There have been moments when the body’s habitual physical side effects of feelings, such as stomach contraction, tightening/ pain around the chest or light-headedness, have imitated what used to be a feeling but no feelings followed. The physical symptoms soon subsided as well. These symptoms signify moments of fine-tuning and Richard has written about this before – Richard: ‘...there needs to be a tidying-up of social mores and habitual patterns ‘after the event’ anyway ... an actual freedom does not miraculously remove every little detail. It does make the fine-tuning a breeze, though.’ Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 12b, 16.2.1999. Direct Route, Rick, 17 Jan 2010 10 JANUARY 2013 RICHARD: It appears that an often-overlooked feature of the actualism method – neither suppressing nor expressing both the positive *and* the negative emotions/ passions (both the good *and* bad affective feelings) so that the third alternative may hove into view – has finally worked for you. Vis.: [Respondent]: ‘I’m only now beginning to see how many of the negative impressions I had of you are actually inseparable from the positive ones’. [endquote]. [Editorial Note: all impressions for a feeling-being are, by default (i.e. auto-centrically), emotionally-based/ passionally-backed impressions]. Vineeto recently spoke of this feature of the actualism method as being essential for feeling-being ‘Vineeto’, when ‘her’ out-*from*-control virtual freedom turned into an out-*of*-control panic mode (in Message No. 12614). Vis.: [Vineeto]: ‘Feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ knows this situation first hand as it happened to ‘her’ twice. The first time was when Richard and ‘Vineeto’ had met to talk about the video shoot a week after it was taken and ‘she’ unsuspectingly came close to the actual world territory, so to speak. Richard said to ‘her’, encouragingly, ‘you are really close-by right now’ and within a split second, ‘Vineeto’ pulled back, closed up and avoided any in-depth discussion about becoming actually free with Richard for more than 2 years. The second occasion is alluded to in the above Message #9229. In the early morning of December 29, 2009, feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ was overtaken by a panic attack, which convinced ‘her’ that, although everything written on the website was coherent, correct and a valid description of the actual world as ‘she’ had experienced it in ‘her’ own PCEs, seeing Richard to be insane who needed to be feared and avoided. (The reason why Peter wasn’t infected was because he had seen it all before when this happened to Devika/Irene). This second panic only lasted for 3 days but because it happened during the out-from-control virtual freedom it turned into an out-of-control panic mode. Only ‘her’ decade-long training in keeping ‘her’ hands in ‘her’ pockets and *neither repress nor express* the intense feelings racing through ‘her’ allowed the extreme situation to subside so soon afterwards ... and look where I am today’. [emphasis added]. And, once the third alternative hove into view for ‘her’, ‘she’ was once again tapping into pure intent personified – per favour ‘the quickening’ – and thereby got back to being (safely) out-*from*-control once more. Richard, List D, No. 4, 10 Jan 2013 VINEETO: One important aspect of ‘Vineeto’s late out-from-control virtual freedom was her “caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” shortly before she became actually free. 13 AUGUST 2016 RICHARD: As Vineeto’s reports/ descriptions/ explanations of a near-actual caring are scattered throughout her ‘Direct Route Mail-Out’ emails some background details presented numerically will aid clarity in communication. 1. When feeling-being ‘Vineeto’s everyday feeling of caring first shifted into what has since become known as a near-actual caring the qualitative difference was so marked in its effect ‘she’ initially mistook it to be an actual caring (as per ‘her’ memories of PCE’s). 2. This shift occurred when ‘she’ transitioned from ‘her’ pragmatic, methodological virtual freedom into being out-from-control – a dynamic, destinal virtual freedom – for the remaining four-and-a-half weeks of ‘her’ life (albeit with a melodramatic three-day out-of-control interlude towards the end). 3. Due to ‘her’ naïve intent to be as intimate and without prejudice as possible – which, in conjunction with the absence of self-centredness/ self-centricity that is part-and-parcel of being out-from-control had resulted in the actualism method segueing into the actualism process – ‘her’ cheerful and thus willing concurrence allowed pure intent to dynamically pull ‘her’ evermore unto ‘her’ destiny. (Hence the “dynamic, destinal virtual freedom” nomenclature). 4. This moment-to-moment experiencing of a caring which is not self-centred/ self-centric provided ‘her’ with the experiential convincement that actualising such caring, via ‘self’-immolation, was the only solution to the human condition; this ‘hands-on’ understanding as a dynamically present feeling-being – an impressively distinct contrast to having been abeyant during PCE’s – left ‘her’ with absolutely no choice (lest ‘she’ be forever “rearranging the deck-chairs on the Titanic”). 5. Since a near-actual caring is, of course, epitomised by a vital interest in the suffering of all human beings coming to an end, forever, as a number one priority, then ‘her’ single-minded focus was essentially centred upon the most immediate way of ensuring this long-awaited global event could begin to take effect the soonest ... to wit: bringing ‘her’ own inevitable demise, at physical death, forward into a liminal imminence. 6. Because the means ‘she’ elected to utilise towards these ends was the near-actual intimacy which goes hand-in-hand with a near-actual caring (per favour that afore-mentioned absence of self-centredness/ self-centricity which typifies being out-from-control) it is apposite to defer to what Vineeto herself wrote on the 20th of January 2010, only fifteen days after her pivotal moment/ definitive event, as its refreshingly simple directness speaks for itself. Viz.: • [Vineeto]: “(...). Further it was obvious for me that it would be Richard who would facilitate and trigger my transition into an actual freedom because he was the most obvious person with whom a near-actual intimacy would change into an actual intimacy – simply because Richard had been my guide and mentor for the last 13 years and particularly so for the period since I stepped out-from-control. As I have written to James recently – ‘The final clue was again about caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind. And that’s what happened”. (Direct Route, James, 17 January 2010). (Direct Route, No. 20, 20 January 2010). (Incidentally, her words “to give them what they want most” refers to my oft-expressed emphasis on the necessity of a female replicating my condition – for those oh-so-vital ‘core of civilisation itself’ reasons spelled-out elsewhere on my portion of the web site – and it speaks volumes, to those males having reservations about going all the way due to the popular wisdom that what women want is loving relationships, that in the handful of daring pioneers women out-numbered men by a 4-to-1 ratio). (Richard, List D, Srinath, 13 August 2016). February 22 2025 VINEETO: Hi Claudiu, I remember ‘Vineeto’s’ momentum in ‘her’ last days in late December 2009 which I haven’t written down so far – ‘Peter’ and ‘Vineeto’ had planned for a xmas holiday two-three weeks to spend in the remote wilderness of the Bungawalbin river, and set out in the houseboat to travel the 2-day journey. ‘Vineeto’ sat on the bow deck while ‘Peter’ steered, full of exuberance and anticipation because ‘she’ knew that ‘it’ was going to happen there and then – there was utter certainty that ‘her’ days were numbered and utter confidence that now the long period of searching and investigating and procrastinating was over. The whole boat journey of that day was an utter delight, full of joyous anticipation. Richard hadn’t been sure if he would join us because he was residing in the river of the nearby town where he had met [Respondent No. 4 (D)] and planned to go back to the wharf in order to meet Tarin who in a few days was due for a visit. But ‘Vineeto’ was nevertheless confident that Richard would join them, in ‘her’ mind Richard’s company was vital to safely guide her in ‘her’ last moments. ‘Peter’ had anchored the houseboat overnight about the two-thirds of the journey and while ‘we’ were talking and frolicking ‘Peter’ heard a boat coming and urged ‘Vineeto’ to put on some clothes. But ‘she’ laughed and said with utter surety, “don’t worry, that’s Richard”. And it was! Richard had changed his mind and had travelled most of the night. When he had woken after a few hours of sleep he didn’t know which way the tide had turned the boat – north or south – so he had to use the stars to navigate (a skill acquired during his military service). It was a great meeting and an hour later we set off to the planned spot at the navigable end of the river, deep in the rainforest wilderness. I never forget that journey or the days which followed prior to ‘Vineeto’s’ final release – it was the best time of ‘her’ life and the whole time it was filled with this utter exuberant surety that ‘her’ end was imminent. This surety even operated during the 2-3 out-of-control days, which served well to elucidate that ‘she’ was ready to give up anything and everything ‘she’ had valued, for ‘her’ ultimate destiny. (Well, in practical terms it wasn’t as radical as imagined). And the rest is history. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Claudiu5, 22 February 2025b) VINEETO: When I returned, after a short leave of absence to the two moored rafted-up houseboats that provided our present convivium, I found myself in the company of not one, as expected, but two actually free men. Peter had become actually free in the days of my absence! Those last few days of Vineeto, the identity, were filled with playfulness and laughter and thus provided me with a carefree environment for the last explorations of just what were my remaining obstacles and inhibitions to joining my fellow convivialists in the actual world. During those days I found myself living in an utterly safe but nevertheless vivacious and sparkling ambience, which was all the more enhanced by the magic and innocuity of the rainforest wilderness that surrounded our mooring place. In this ambience I grew more and more confident that 1) this actual world actually exists (and was experienced more often than not as being right under my very nose) and that 2) the actual world is an utterly safe place, free of any kind of psychic influences or normal-world emotional conflicts. A few times I got to experience the actual man Richard, unconcealed by my projections that I usually pasted over his person as an image but each time I got close I pulled back – scared to take the final irreversible step to join him forever. In those days I also experienced the sweet intimacy of living with 2 actually free people for whom intimacy is a 24-hour everyday experience, unconditional and unrestricted, a by-product of being free of any identity whatsoever. Chatting, joking, playing, swimming, boating, doing maintenance, washing the dishes, cooking, wining and dining – all those activities I was able to experience in this ambience of utter safety and playfulness. I had known this sweetness from previous occasions – one such experience happened during the video-shoot of the ‘Out-from-Control’ DVD we present on the website. This sweetness always accompanied an experience of closeness, barely any separation to the other person (usually Richard), but also an experience that I was close to my destiny and an awareness that what I am doing/ longing for is not merely for my ‘peace of mind’, but that it is for everybody, for every single man, woman and child on the planet – for peace on earth. This sweet longing has always propelled me forward to go all the way, to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles and fears and now I had the privilege to experience this sweet intimacy day after day, morning to night. This experience of ongoing intimacy was so much better than any PCE I ever had, and of course better than any excellence experience I enjoyed because it was dynamic and effervescent, moving closer and closer to my destiny, encouraging me to take the decision to allow the last, final and irrevocable step to happen. On Monday evening the fourth of January 2010, I knew I was running out of time. We expected a guest for the next day and I didn’t want to wait until we three were on our own again. I consequently sat on the toilet taking a few minutes longer than usual to gather any scattered bits of intent that were missing to make up the 100% I needed – I pulled out all the stops. When I returned to the living room a dynamic and quite frivolous interaction developed and in that uninhibited hilarious atmosphere I blew the last remaining cobwebs of seriousness, cautiousness and social correctness out of the corners of my psyche. It was all very casual, jovial and funny, unrehearsed and spontaneous and I became confident that this is how I wanted to live my life forever. The Fat Lady has Finally Chuckled
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