Please note that Vineeto’s writings below were written by the feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ while ‘she’ lived in a pragmatic (methodological), still-in-control/same-way-of-being Virtual Freedom.
# Vineeto ~ Selected Writings ## Sex Actualism Homepage Applying Richard’s method is forcing me to examine and eliminate the very issues and beliefs that are triggering those emotions. It reveals to me that emotions are the crucial part of the ‘self’ – the very cause of my being unhappy and malicious. It enabled me to question the beliefs that both defined and confined me as a woman. Chiselling away my psychological and psychic entity has made emotions and feelings redundant and has left me increasingly free to enjoy every person I meet, every situation that happens and everything that this abundant universe offers. In my ‘role-play’ I am neither a ‘woman’ nor a ‘man’, but simply a human being ...a female, of course!
| Some time ago, in a spiritual magazine I read an interview with a woman who, after years of failed relationships, has made celibacy and shaving her head a part of her spiritual practice. In this interview she talked about the ‘freedom’ she now has because she doesn’t have to bother with all the ‘problems’ of being a female: her attractiveness, her female sexual role-play and desire, and the problems of falling in love with their seemingly inevitable bonds and dependencies. I was shocked in disbelief! She actually thinks that by using her willpower and repressing her sexual desire she would gain freedom from her conditioning as a woman. She just cannot see where the problem is! It’s like taking a vow of silence because you stutter! Where is the freedom in this? The solution to the problems inherent in being a sexual ‘animal’ for me was not denial, because sex is simply a delicious function of my body. Nothing is wrong with it.
What is wrong is the mental programming of the sexual instinct, which drives me to go out, find a man and get pregnant – and the consequent need to secure the protection of the potential father. Curiously, my decision not to have any children and to be sterilized did not change this underlying instinctual urge at all! In order to control, channel and obscure this instinct in a socially acceptable way, society instilled in me the appropriate morals, beliefs and behaviour of male-female role-play. This merely resulted in seduction, manipulation, denial, guilt and fear of sex, and the ongoing search for the right, appropriate sexual conduct – most of it passed down centuries ago. Looking back on what my idea of a sexual identity consisted of, I found that I had been either too sexual and threatening for men, risking being considered a wild and immoral woman, or on the other hand, I was not ‘open’ and pleasing enough, causing the man to fall short in his idea of the good lover he imagined himself to be. When Peter and I started to throw out love it had a great impact on my sexual ‘identity’. It was an intense and scary time because right behind the nice, embellishing veil of love lingered all the monsters and demons of being an animal, a whore, a slut, not human and having sex with a ‘stranger’. Enjoying sex without ‘being in love’ is still considered one of the greatest sins of Christian morality. And Eastern spirituality regards any kind of sex as the biggest obstacle to enlightenment.
| Not only had I to face my own personal conditioning about sex but I was also confronted with the fact of stepping out of the collective accepted behaviour and limits that every woman had been taught. Demons of atavistic fears would present me with their ferocious stories, as though I was still living in the Middle Ages, where women were burnt at the stake for leaving the fold or were expelled for not conforming. It took some effort to understand that both fears and beliefs around sex were simply inherited from other people, they don’t have any actual relevance for me. Digging deeper, stepping outside of the realm of sexual conditioning and beliefs I then discovered their underlying force – the sexual instincts. This inheritance from our animal past is simply installed to blindly ensure the continuity of the species. It has nothing to do with my happiness and inhibits any sensible behaviour. Those blind instincts cause, among other troubles, possessiveness, jealousy, rape, murder and overpopulation.
Identified and seen as what they were, these instincts eventually lost their significance and their grip over me. Now I can enjoy the sensibility and pleasure of sex without being driven, free of the need and dependency that used to be the inevitable consequence. I now don’t need to reinforce my female sexual identity or practise my manipulative power over men – hence the need for flirting has disappeared. Relating to men without the restriction of sexual flirtation is indeed a freedom to meet them in a new and fresh way. Stripping away the ideas of ‘who’ I am supposed to be, leaving behind the identity of both the virtuous girl and the sinful whore leaves the pure physical sensation of sex. This pleasure I can now easily and delightfully share with a man who also has no idea of ‘who’ he is supposed to be. I remember one evening early in our relationship when Peter suddenly stopped in the course of foreplay and said, ‘I don’t want to feel like I have to pleasure you or be giving! Something is wrong here!’
We discussed and explored his objection and looked behind the habit of sexual role-play. The man usually thinks he has to give a good performance, please and pleasure the woman, and the woman thinks she has to make the man happy, either by surrendering to his wishes or – in the modern version – to have to ‘act’ super-sexual and have multiple orgasms. We investigated the whole scenario of these strange defining roles and inhibitions, with their expectations, bank-balances and hidden resentments, and considered them silly and unnecessary. Since then giving and taking, right and wrong, pleasing and selfish is of no concern, each simply enjoys the physical pleasure of sex. Now sex is a dance with a wonderful mutual rhythm that evolves each moment, ever changing, thrilling, sensational, delicious and exquisite. Riding the waves of pleasure – each time off the scale.

The freedom to leave behind the identity of being good or bad, loving or receiving and to follow and enjoy the rhythm of the bodies without any restriction of the ‘self’ whatsoever is an unsurpassed delight. No consideration, fear or worry pales the intensity of this very tangible exquisite sensual delight.

Vineeto’s Selected Writings | Library – Sex

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